THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL A TRIUMPH FOR TRUMP - IF IT DOESN'T FALL APART.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Stand ever-so-still while lining up a putt on the new 18th green at the Trump National Golf Club in Rancho Palos Verdes, you swear you can feel the earth rumbling underneath your FootJoys.

Or maybe that's just another aftershock brought upon by The Donald himself, boasting that there's no possible way a vital chunk of his ridiculously overpriced property is going to crumble off and fall into the Pacific Ocean.

Again.

If the LPGA isn't already on shaky ground, it will be at the end of next month. It's moving its Office Depot Championship tournament out from the stable El Caballero Country Club in Tarzana, where it's been the past three years, over to Donald Trump's steam-shovel-busy sand dune park, where it's probably safer to watch whales migrate than Annika Sorenstam blast out of a trap.

There's no guarantee - other than Trump's word - that the course will even be ready for the three-day event between Sept. 30 and Oct. 2. As construction workers, electricians and landscapers scramble to pull this thing together - a temporary driving range hasn't even been started - the LPGA might want to consider drawing up a pre-nup agreement with the man who's no stranger to such legal documents.

You see, this 2 1/2-mile stretch of real estate is both expensive and expansive. The terra un-firma is as temperamental as Tara Reid. Just head a mile west of the property, along a undulating stretch of Palos Verdes Drive South called Portuguese Bend, there are signs posted to warn motorists about ``constant land movement'' and to keep speeds under 10 mph.

If you're wise, you carry an inflatable kayak in the trunk.

In the late '90s, when the Pete Dye-designed course known as Ocean Trails was first built, the bulldozers that built the original 18th fairway apparently broke some underground water and sewer pipes. The ground underneath became so saturated, it finally just disappeared one day.

Or, as the joke went, the 18th hole broke toward the ocean.

Attempts to patch it up went on for years as the Army Corps of Engineers, the California Coastal Commission and the Department of Fish and Game tied things up with restrictions and permits. For a couple of years, it was a 15-hole white elephant - two other holes also had to be closed before they wandered out to sea - until Trump came along and and decided it was worth buying out of bankruptcy for $27 million in 2002.

``It was quite a controversial piece of land,'' Trump recalled the other day.

He claims it took him $61 million and more than a million cubic yards of dirt just to rebuild the 18th. The work consisted of digging out the cliff all the way down to the beach below and then constructing essentially a steel building with concrete and plastic padding pinned and glued together.

The 512-yard, par 4 hole is so solid, Trump claims, ``if there was ever a problem in Los Angeles (aka, an earthquake, heavy rain or volcanic activity), I think I want to be standing on the 18th hole.''

In total, Trump pumped $264 million to add two extravagant waterfalls, widen fairways and lengthen holes into what amounts to the most costly face-lift this side of Beverly Hills. Crazy or not, that's also the most ever spent to rehabilitate a golf course in the planet's history.

Now comes the LPGA to give it a test drive before it's reopened to the public. The LPGA will borrow just 5,925 yards of the 7,300-yard, par 71 layout, hoping the extra space can accommodate galleries, concessions and a bail-out room in case a clump of sod decides to go wind surfing.

Eventually, green fees for rounds Monday through Thursday will cost $195. For the weekend, it's a modest $300. Only at Pebble Beach, where its $425 a round, will it be more expensive to pitch and putt in the state.

``We feel it is better than Pebble Beach,'' Trump said. ``We have had some people out who are very familiar with Pebble Beach. Most people consider (Trump National) to be substantially superior.''

Wait, did you feel that? Check the Richter scale, grab onto that flagstick and find a loser from ``The Apprentice'' to use as a flotation device. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

CAPTION(S):

6 photos, box

Photo:

(1 -- color) The 18th green at Donald Trump's newly rebuilt golf course in Rancho Palos Verdes is still standing - for the time being.

Tom Hoffarth/Daily News

(2) Terrell Owens has turned his back on his teammates after coach Andy Reid kicked him out of practice last week.

Coke Whitworth/Associated Press

(3 -- color) WAYNE GRETZKY

(4 -- color) A.J. FOYT

(5 -- color) FRANCISCO RODRIGUEZ

(6 -- color) - Future Hall of Fame outfielder Rickey Henderson, 46, playing for the independent Golden League's San Diego Surf Dawgs, wondering why no major league team wants his services.

Box:

SUNDAY PUNCH

- Rich Hammond