THE WRITING ON (AND OFF) THE WALL : SO WHAT IS IT GONNA TAKE?

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

They dragged John Elway away from his kids in Denver and shoved him into a few downtown L.A. office buildings for power lunches under the cone of silence in hopes he'll get smart fast. Then they all emerged with toothy grins bigger than Elway's about the prospects of his involvement in an NFL expansion team for Los Angeles.

So now y'all ready for some footbaaaawl?

Didn't think so.

Amazin', isn't it? No matter what kind of see-through bikini the NFL tries to put on this thing, we're not fawning for it. Elway becomes just another Angelyne billboard. Let us know when the lines for the ``Star Wars'' prequel menace over to the Coliseum ticket office.

Don'tcha think it means something when Elway doesn't even show for the press conference, leaving the mayor to beam brightly about how fabulous things are going as he's standing there with a giant key to the city waiting to hand it to someone.

Elway's agent, Starvin' Marvin Demoff, says living in Denver isn't an issue for Duke. ``If it wasn't Los Angeles and professional football, and the opportunity at management at a very high level and possibly being president, it wouldn't be a consideration,'' Demoff said.

That's pretty ``iffy'' to our sun-burned ears.

Meanwhile, while poor abandoned Cowtown begs for expansion - so why'd you let the Oilers go in the first place? - L.A. figureheads continue to talk amongst themselves, accomplishing nothing, trying not to hurt anyone else's feelings while elbowing for ownership power.

And then comes the Flakers' unexpected romp over the Sprockets, which won't help relations between the two cities. But that's how the Barkley bounces. . . .

Rupert Murdoch's name has finally been thrown out as a possible NFL owner . . . for the New York Jets. . . .

A coupla buddies were all set to claim Charismatic at Santa Anita a few months back, but they said they were about $62,463.42 short. . . .

The USOC has given L.A. and the seven other cities drooling over the 2012 Games a nine-month extension to Dec. 15, 2000 to submit their bids, so they can monitor possible IOC changes. The extra time will also allow each city to run more extensive background checks on USOC members who might be more apt to blab about accepting really shiny trinkets. . . .

The Salt Lake City Winter Olympic organizers have unveiled the mascots for the 2002 Games - a snow hare, a coyote and a black bear - apparently turning down suggestions like Uncle Pennybags from the Monopoly game, a giraffe named ``GRRafte,'' and a Tickle-My-Palm Elmo. We were pushing for a cow named ``Cash.'' . . .

The first known Olympic mascot was a real one - Smoky, a dog at the Los Angeles Games in 1932. . . .

News item: The son of Wisconsin football coach Barry Alvarez faces criminal charges for breaking into a fraternity brother's room and microwaving a parrot to death. Reaction: Whatever happened to swallowing goldfish? . . .

Mike Tyson is ready to do a tell-all book about himself. For anyone with about $5 mil. . . .

There's talk of Major League Baseball opening the 2000 season in Japan, with the Angels one of the candidates to go. . . .

Noting that chicks dig the long ball, Greg Maddux and Tom Glavine have been giving them up liberally. Mike Maddux seems to want to follow suit. . . .

Mary Pierce has been (legally) taking creatine. Which explains why Robby Alomar won't get away with spittin' in her direction. . . .

A must-read: Esquire's piece on Joe DiMaggio Jr. . . .

History lesson: Sixty years ago today, television went out on a blind date with baseball. The sparks didn't fly immediately.

On May 17, 1939, a few hundred viewers of New York's experimental station W2XBS saw Princeton's 2-1, 10-inning win over Columbia at Baker Field on the Columbia campus.

Slo-mo, instant replay, graphics . . . how about a single camera on a stationary post, with the lens pointed at home plate. Announcer Bill Stern had to fill in on play-by-play when the ball left the picture. He later said he had hoped for every out to be a strikeout.

From a review of the broadcast that ran in the New York Times: ``It is difficult to see how this sort of thing can catch the public fancy.''