THE SOONER THIS INEPT FILM IS `SWEPT' AWAY, THE BETTER.Byline: Glenn Whipp Daily News Film Critic You know those great romantic movies where there are two star-crossed lovers and you root for them to succeed even though the odds are hopelessly stacked against them? ``Swept From the Sea'' isn't one of those movies. About as enchanting as a Valentine's Day Valentine's Day: see Saint Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day Lovers' holiday celebrated on February 14, the feast day of St. Valentine, one of two 3rd-century Roman martyrs of the same name. St. septic tank septic tank, underground sedimentation tank in which sewage is retained for a short period while it is decomposed and purified by bacterial action. The organic matter in the sewage settles to the bottom of the tank, a film forms excluding atmospheric oxygen, and dig, ``Swept From the Sea'' is meant to carry you away to a distant time with its passionate lovers, sumptuous settings and - sob SOB shortness of breath. SOB abbr. shortness of breath sob, n a short, convulsive inspiration, attended by contraction of the diaphragm and spasmodic closure of the glottis. ! - the tragedy of a love that just can't last forever. Instead, the film is an overwrought o·ver·wrought adj. 1. Excessively nervous or excited; agitated. 2. Extremely elaborate or ornate; overdone: overwrought prose style. , poorly paced cure-all for insomniacs that contains one of the most annoying characters I have ever encountered in a movie. More on her later. ``Swept From the Sea'' opens on the craggy crag·gy adj. crag·gi·er, crag·gi·est 1. Having crags: craggy terrain. 2. Rugged and uneven: a craggy face. cliffs in Ye Olde England where we see a young woman point to the sea and gravely tell her little boy, ``That is where you come from.'' Three thoughts immediately came to mind. 1) This film will prove the theory of evolution. 2) The kid's father is Aquaman! 3) The kid's father is obviously dead, since he isn't anywhere to be seen. Unfortunately, only the third thought proved to be true. (Choices one and two would have made for better movies. But then, watching the tide roll out would have made for a better movie.) Having eliminated every trace of suspense, ``Swept From the Sea'' then tells the story of why Daddy isn't around anymore and what Mommy meant when she said the boy came from the sea. In a nutshell: Amy Foster "Amy Foster" is a short story by Joseph Conrad written in 1901. It was first published in the Illustrated London News (December 1901), and was collected in Typhoon and Other Stories (1903). (Rachel Weisz) is a young woman who is ... well, to put it politely, I'll call her ``odd.'' She does have her reasons for being peculiar. She leads a mundane life as a servant girl for an unpleasant family. Her own family thinks she's cursed. Then, too, she lives in England and has to eat stuff such as boiled beef This article is about the English dish. For the German dish, see Tafelspitz. Boiled beef is a traditional English dish which used to be eaten by working class people in London, though its popularity has died in recent years. and kidney pies for breakfast. One day, Amy's life changes when she meets Yanko Gooral (Vincent Perez), the sole survivor of a ship full of immigrants that capsized on its way to America. Dazed daze tr.v. dazed, daz·ing, daz·es 1. To stun, as with a heavy blow or shock; stupefy. 2. To dazzle, as with strong light. n. A stunned or bewildered condition. and confused, Yanko stumbles onto Amy's farm. The villagers think he's an escaped lunatic. Amy, though, knows better. She looks into Yanko's eyes and sees his soul. And she also sees the only man who would be dumb enough to marry her. Yanko takes to courting Amy, which the ignorant masses don't much like because 1) they're ignorant and 2) because Yanko is different. Even after he learns to speak English, Yanko remains an outcast. Only Amy and the town's doctor (played quite well by Ian McKellan) recognize the goodness that is Yanko. Yanko and Amy marry, get the deed to a prime piece of real estate with a great ocean view and have a son. But then the tragedy we've been waiting for comes, and - providing you're still awake - love doesn't conquer all. (Hint for Amy: Starve a cold, feed a fever.) Aside from the mind-numbing plot and complete lack of suspense, ``Swept From the Sea'' strangely contains precious little romance. (The two lovers - passions inflamed! - consummate their love in a cold tidepool in a scene that lasts all of 10 seconds. Lesson from ``Titanic'': Ocean water is cold and not conducive to making whoopee.) There's also the trouble with Amy. In addition to being odd, she's also cloying, annoying and thick as a brick. By the end of the movie, I was wincing every time she appeared on screen. Then it dawned on me. Yanko took the easy way out. Believe me, he's in a better place. THE FACTS The film: ``Swept From the Sea'' (PG-13; elements of theme and some sensuality). The stars: Rachel Weisz and Vincent Perez, with Ian McKellen and Kathy Bates Bates , Katherine Lee 1859-1929. American educator and writer best known for her poem "America the Beautiful," written in 1893 and revised in 1904 and 1911. . Behind the scenes: Directed by Beeban Kidron. Written by Tim Willocks Tim Willocks is a British doctor and novelist. An experienced psychiatrist, Willocks has worked for some years on the rehabilitation of the sufferers of drug addiction. He is noted for the portrayal of himself (or elements of himself) within his novels, usually featuring a central (based on a short story by Joseph Conrad). Released by TriStar Pictures
Running time: One hour, 54 minutes. Playing: Areawide. Our rating: One and One Half Stars. |
|
||||||||||||||||||
Printer friendly
Cite/link
Email
Feedback
Reader Opinion