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THE REAL ME: JANE GOLDMAN REVEALS ALL TO NINA MYSKOW; I lost 3 stone and dropped from a size18 to a 10 ..it was just time I got healthy.

WRITER Jane Goldman is probably, so far, better known as Mrs Jonathan Ross. Often pictured with him at some glittering media event, Jane always looks glamorous, voluptuous and exotic.

But she has a highly successful career in her own right as an author, including a number one best-seller, The X-Files Book Of The Unexplained, and its sequel, both nominated for awards.

Her first novel, Dreamworld, a thriller, has just been published by HarperCollins at pounds 9.99.

Jane lives with Jonathan and their three children, Betty, eight, Harvey, six, and Honey, three, in North London, which is where we met. Sweet-natured, highly intelligent and very talented, Jane is very much a one-off.

I NEVER felt unhappy when I was big. Never. I have lost a lot of weight. And I do feel happier now. But, you know, what was odd was I never had a problem before.

I never felt undesirable. I always felt happy when I looked in the mirror. And my weight's always gone up and down. So I feel a bit crap, actually, having lost weight. Because I was always on a crusade. Yes, you know, "I want to see larger women in the media". And here I am, and I've lost weight.

I lost three stone a year ago. Even my closest friends were stunned at what dress size I wore - a 16 or an 18. But the year before, I was over 11 stone. In fact, it almost started accidentally.

It was winter, and I always get SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder. I feel really lethargic, like there's a black cloud over me. And someone said: "Have you tried not eating carbohydrates?"

At the same time, it was coming up to Christmas '98, and we always go to our little holiday house by the sea in Florida. Jonathan's got gym equipment in the garage and stuff, and so we both said: "Let's go and get really healthy."

So I stopped eating carbohydrates and cut out pasta, bread, potatoes - and all of a sudden, in the most ridiculously dramatic way, the weight was just falling off me.

Within two weeks, I'd lost well over a stone. It was amazing. It really didn't take that long before I was under nine stone. Probably only two months. It was like, "Oh my God!" A real Eureka moment.

And then I started doing Pilates exercise classes when we came back, and I'd never felt so healthy in my life. By February, I felt like a new person. I've been this weight before, but this is the longest I've ever stayed like this, since I was a teenager. I'm 30 in June.

The last time I weighed myself, I was 8stone 13lb. I'm just under 5ft 6in. I do tend to veer up and down by about 5lb.

I stuff my face for a couple of weeks, and when I get to about 9stone 4lb, I think, "Oops, stop a bit." That's the point where my clothes don't fit.

R EMARKABLY, I'm a 10 these days, and I've thrown away all my larger clothes. But the nice thing is, I've haven't lost my bosoms, although I have gone down a bra size. I got properly measured recently.

I'd always thought I was a 34DD. But now, apparently, I'm 32F - I almost can't believe that. F sounds enormous to me.

But I've always been happy with what I've got. I like my shape, and it's nice to know that Jonathan really likes it too. But it wasn't what he originally went for.

He's been unfairly pegged as a boob man, but I wasn't like this when we first met. I guess they've developed along with the relationship.

I was a late developer, quite tiny. I was never one of the pretty girls, I was a kind of geeky, brainy kid instead, which I really liked. I never looked in the mirror and thought I wanted to look any different.

From as far back as I can remember, I loved the really glamorous, cartoon-ish Jessica Rabbit look. I was always wore insane things to school.

I pretty much always wanted to be a writer, I wrote all the time. I was so clear on the fact that I wanted to be a journalist, that I asked my parents if I could go to a tutorial college to do my O levels early, which I did when I was 13.

I got offered a job as a pop writer on a daily newspaper when I was 15. And then when I started going out with Jonathan, I realised I couldn't go on working for them, there was a conflict of interest. They stole my holiday photos out of my top drawer and printed them on the front page!

I was working for Just Seventeen when we got married, then went freelance when I was 19, when we wanted to start a family.

Just after I'd had Betty, I started writing books. I wrote four books for teenagers, light-hearted advice-y books, and two books on The X Files.

When I first met Jonathan, even though we'd only spoken for 15 seconds, I was completely knocked out. I was 16, and we were both by chance at a party at Stringfellows.

I was instantly bowled over. I remember almost sort of staggering away. I got home, and said to my mum: "I've met the man I'm going to marry."

We met again the next week. And despite the fact that when he discovered our age difference (he was 26 and didn't call me for about a month, which seemed like 10 years - I just slept, hibernated in the dark) we got married when I was just 18.

It's amazing to have found each other. I don't think there's anyone else, out there in the world, that would be so perfect for me. Oh my God, he's part of me, and I'm part of him.

He's my best friend, I still find him incredibly attractive, I still really fancy him. I love the fact we have the same trains of thought, like the same things. We bought each other the same Christmas present!

We love theme parks. In fact, I got my idea for Dreamworld, when a Disney guide kindly showed us the underground tunnels there.

My immediate thought was "Something horrible could happen under here, and no-one would know". We both love gory, horror films!stantly in movies, more than is natural. We both cried about six times in Toy Story 2, just sitting there clutching each other's hands, with tears streaming down our faces.

He's amazing with the children, and we're both intensely childish.

We often stop and say, "God, if anyone saw us or heard us, they would just be absolutely horrified." Really childish jokes about bodily functions, making up stupid songs. Which is why the hiccup we had in our relationship last year was so weird.

We were never going to split up, but it was tension between us, because I'd got into this funny state of mind, and had to go off and get help. Jonathan felt very lost and worried holding the fort, and not knowing I was OK.

It was more, "Christ we're arguing a lot, I think I'll go and stay somewhere else". I'd gone into the Priory for two weeks. It was all triggered by insomnia. I was so sleep-deprived by last April, I couldn't think straight.

I thought I was going mad. Every few days, I'd be so overcome by exhaustion, I'd crash out in the afternoon for a few hours, and that was it. That was all the sleep I was getting.

The Priory put me on sleeping pills, and after a week, I felt better.

People think itis a trendy media place, but I was in the depression and breakdown area, majorly serious.

A psychiatric hospital. It irritates me when people say: "Did you go in there for a rest?" Jesus, there were people running around there with their wrists cut. If I'd wanted a rest, I'd have gone to a health farm.

JUST before I left, they let me out for the weekend, and we went down to this hotel in Dorset. Honey got bitten by an adder, an unlikely and unfortunate incident.

Jonathan, poor thing, had been under so much pressure, he was beside himself. He was so upset, that I ended up dealing with this family trauma.

And I thought: "This is stressful, but I'm coping. I think I'm OK." We sorted ourselves out pretty quickly after that. I went and stayed in a bleak flat for a couple of weeks, but came back here every day, had breakfast with the kids, read them stories.

At the end of that, in June, we decided to go on holiday. And that was lovely, it was wonderful. Since then, everything's been perfectly normal.

I'm not even sure how that ridiculous story went round that I was having an affair - every time I was photographed with Jonathan, we were snogging, for heaven's sake.

Like that joke story about Liza Minelli propositioning him. It was so unlike him, he would never brag about anything like that.

He would never even think anyone thought he was attractive, that's the funny thing.

The thought of him striding into a room demanding my permission to sleep with Liza Minelli is hilarious. I suppose people just like gossip. I do! Since last summer, life's seemed never better. I can't remember being this happy, although I had a lot of years on a pretty even keel.

It sounds sappy, but I maybe hadn't stopped to think how lucky I was. I didn't take anything for granted.

But to go through something horrible, and to come out the other side and find your life is fantastic, I just feel very, very grateful. To have Jonathan, and the children and a job I love.

It feels like a fresh start. This year I want to spend more time with the kids. Which I'm sure my publishers will be thrilled to hear! The deadline for my second novel looms.

I love my work, but my home life is so fulfilling, that I don't tend to be driven by work ambitions.

Quite honestly, I'm so happy to be Jonathan's wife, and my children's mum, that anything else is a bonus.

An absolute bonus.

I'M IN LOAF WITH A BIG BLOOMER

MY BIGGEST DOWNFALL

BREAD. Loaves of. Oh yeah. LOVE bread. A nice fresh-baked white bloomer from the local bakery, I can eat the entire thing, very easily. Not toasted, just fresh with butter. Sometimes I slice it thick, but I also like just ripping pieces off.

I like the squidgy middle and the crusty outside. I bake quite nice bread as well, hot bread is a huge downfall. I probably couldn't eat more than a loaf, but a large bloomer is pretty big.

MY FAVOURITE DRINK

I COULD probably count the amount of alcohol that I've had this year and I had 1 cocktails at my book launch, but I'm just not that keen. Especially with mood swings and stuff, I just prefer to hang on to a nice clean head.

We keep Evian water on every floor of the house, we go through boxes. Jonathan and I drink a frightening amount of Diet Coke and Pepsi Max. We've probably ingested more aspartame than lab rats.

MY HORMONE HELL

WHEN I was just pregnant with Harvey, Jonathan was working for VH-1, and we were living in a flat in LA with Betty, who was two. We'd lost a baby after her, which was terribly sad.

So I was having daily injections of progesterone, which Jonathan had to give me. He had to learn how to do it! It was like a daily surge of hormones, kind of PMT plus. I saw the first episode of the X Files on TV. No wonder I got so obsessed!

MY CROWNING GLORY

YOU like my hair? Oh, thank you, it's not all mine. I've got extensions. Mine would never be this thick and luxuriant. I'm really happy with the colour. I have my roots bleached by a friend down the road, and add this semi-permanent tint called called Poppy Red.

I think I've always wanted this colour, I can't think why I didn't do it before. And children love it! But when we go to Florida, God, it causes such a stir.

MY CLOSET SECRETS

I'VE GOT a pretty good bra library, about 20. And Vivienne Westwood corsets that Jonathan has bought me. I used to buy a lot in America, but now I've found this range here called Fantasie, which does up to a G cup.

They do the Rigby and Peller bras, they're really pretty. I can never not wear one. If I get into my pyjamas at 6pm, I still put a bra on underneath, I couldn't spend the whole evening braless. A bit sad really.

MY BIGGEST TREAT

I DO like quantity, I've eaten whole packets of biscuits, but I think everyone has, haven't they?

Sometimes on a Sunday night, one of us will nip down the offy, and buy a whole carrier bag full of chocolate bars. Two of everything - Mars, Bounty, Milky Way, Crunchie, KitKat. We'll watch telly and eat the lot, until we start feeling sick. Not every Sunday, but once in a while I just love having a piggy chocolate fest.

But at the same time we both cry con
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Title Annotation:Features
Author:Myskow, Nina
Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:Mar 3, 2000
Words:2250
Previous Article:Last Night's View: Child's play? Anything but.
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