THE HYPE.

QUOTABLE

``It's about some beautiful girls who play rock 'n' roll songs and have a ball spending someone else's money.''

- Rocker Elvis Costello on a new series he is co-writing for the WB

NIFTY GIFTY

BE THE BIG WHEEL ON YOUR BLOCK: Razor schmazor. How about a genuine replica of a penny farthing bicycle, that fad gadget of the '80s? (That's the 1880s.) It's available in limited quantities from catalog house Hammacher Schlemmer in 48- and 50-inch wheel sizes for $4,995.95 plus shipping. Hard to picture a 12-year-old boy astride one of these, popping a wheelie in the school parking lot to wow the girls. And the catalog cautions that it should be ridden only on ``smooth paved streets,'' a rare commodity in the Valley. But it does have its advantages. For one thing, it assembles in just 15 minutes (try doing that with a common mountain bike). And because of that giant front wheel, it travels an impressive 12 1/2 feet with just one revolution of the pedals. A dream of energy efficiency in this day of $1.75 unleaded regular. (Order by Friday for Christmas delivery.) For more information, call [phone] or log onto www.hammacher.com.

- Valerie Kuklenski

ON THE TUBE

HEAD OF THE CRASS: Yes, the boys are back in town - older, not wiser but still wise-acres.

``South Park'' returns tonight, with Kyle, Cartman and company promoted - somehow - to the fourth grade, where their new teacher, Miss Choksondik (no, it's not very subtle), is a fearsome creature with really, really pendulous breasts and a floating right pupil. It's bad enough for the guys to get nostalgic about third grade, and before long, they're building a time machine, which unsurprisingly creates chaos, and not much after that, right after the rather belated and lame ``Speed'' parody, Kenny dies, and a brand-new catch phrase is born.

Elsewhere, the kids' third-grade teacher is in the wilderness, high on a mountain top with a scruffly beard (his puppet, Mr. Hat, has grown one, too), coming to terms with his sundry secrets and neuroses. In all, some laughs, but not one of the series' more anarchic - or more funny - episodes.

``South Park'' is on Comedy Central on at 10 p.m. Wednesdays and 12:30 a.m. early Thursdays; also Saturdays and Sundays.

- David Kronke

CAPTION(S):

3 photos

Photo:

(1) no caption (Rocker Elvis Costello)

(2) no caption (bicycle)

(3) no caption (South Park)