THE GAMES WITHIN THE SYDNEY GAMES.

Byline: DOUG KRIKORIAN

SYDNEY, Australia - Let the Olympic fun begin, along with the doping, the scalping, the ghastly boxing decisions, the politically motivated gymnastics scoring, the shameless corporate shilling and whatever shenanigans Juan Antonio Samaranch and his IOC minions dispense during the next 16 days.

Saturday the volleyballs and softballs and arrows and shuttlecocks and handballs - and even swords and live ammunition - will be employed by those hardy souls attempting to earn gold medals for themselves in the upcoming days.

And, of course, there will be jocks in subsequent days who will depend more on their speed - do I hear Marion Jones, Maurice Greene and Michael Johnson? - or leaping ability - what about Vince Carter and Kevin Garnett? - or durability - how about Morroco's incredible distance runner Hicham El Guerrouj? - when pursuing their artistry.

No one knows for sure what will happen during the remainder of this month, except it's as much of a certainty as Samaranch dissembling during news conferences that some athletes will be kicked out of the Olympics for failing drug tests.

Oh, for sure, the American basketball team will win the gold, and I'm willing to bet anyone a princely sum that Venus Williams and Serena Williams will do the same in tennis.

Alas, none of the 60,000 people expected to descend on this picturesque city - or even the 100,000 expected to come from other parts of Australia - will be able to bet on any event unless they're able to find an illegal bookmaker.

The myriad TAB (Totalizer Agency Board) sports book outlets around town, which usually take action on everything including NFL games - will not be posting lines on any Olympic events.

``It will cost us millions,'' said one of the clerks at the sports book at Star City, the biggest casino in town. ``The decision came down from the government a couple of weeks ago.''

Apparently, it's in the hallowed IOC bylaws that legalized gambling on the Games is forbidden in the host city.

Apparently, Samaranch, Generalissimo Franco's old crony in Spain whose IOC organization is such a beacon of righteousness, went bananas, demanding that SOCOG (Sydney Organizing Committee of the Games) pressure the Australian politicians into keeping his beloved Games pure and honest.

Forget the fact that two members of Samaranch's Olympic family earlier in the week were refused entry into this country because of their ties to organized crime, or that many of Samaranch's top aides have been accused of accepting bribes, or that most of his media session Thursday was centered on the rampant corruption allegedly afflicting his organization.

No way Samaranch would want his sterling event polluted by tourists easily able to lay bets on the outcome of that much-anticipated 400-meter duel - at least it is around here - between national idol Cathy Freeman and France's Marie-Jose Perec.

Speaking of Samaranch, in the grand and glorious history of Olympic news conferences, the one staged Thursday might rank as the most camp. The arrogant, pretentious Juan Antonio affected the comically serious aura of a Third World dictator shorn of his raiment.

Before it started, his earphones weren't operating, creating pure havoc at the podium as aides frantically scurried around trying to fix the problem.

Once they did, Samaranch went into a spiel so tedious and meaningless I momentarily swore I was listening to Dennis Miller.

``We must never forget that the athletes are an important part of the International Olympics,'' was one of Samaranch's more cornball statements.

But not nearly as important as Samaranch's mighty organization, which pockets untold millions from the Olympics.

When it came time for the international press to start grilling Samaranch about the IOC's recent spate of unsavory incidents, he either would respond he didn't understand the question - and his PR toady hurriedly would go on to the next interrogator - or he would give a vague answer that made no sense.

Samaranch, who takes himself seriously - too seriously - was visibly agitated by the negative tone of the journalists.

But, as they say, he'll be laughing all the way to the bank, or wherever he's been stuffing all those IOC profits.

Today:

NCB: Opening ceremonies, 7:30 p.m.-midnight

Saturday:

NBC: 1:30 p.m.-3 p.m. (swimming preliminaries) 7 p.m.-midnight (gymnastics, swimming finals, women's triathlon and weight lifting men's flyweight final)

2:30-2 a.m. (U.S. volleyball)

MSNBC: 10 a.m.-4 p.m. (swimming)

CNBC: 4-9 p.m. (boxing)

Complete TV listings, page 14.