THE EDGE.TRAINS, PLANES AND THE RUSSIAN MOB On a recent trip to Europe, me and the boys managed to miss both trains and planes, were beaten up by bouncers, thrown out of clubs and to top it off, we were almost killed by the Russian Mafia The Russian Mob or Mafia, Russkaya Mafiya, Red Mafia, Krasnaya Mafiya or Bratva (slang for 'brotherhood'), is a name given to a broad group of organized criminals of various ethnicity which appeared in the former Soviet Union territories after its . Damn, this was a fun trip. Lots of kill skating, good people, and sick adventures. I made it my mission to pick up a postcard from every spot we stopped at and got everybody to write home about something or other that we experienced along the way. WELCOME TO DENMARKIA Upon arrival at the Amsterdam airport where I had a connecting flight to reach Denmark, I bumped into two of the four people who would be touring with us: Jason Masse and Mike Crum Mike Crum (born in Dallas, Texas on December 10, 1973) is currently ranked as one of the best skateboarders in the world. He is a vert ramp rider and has contributed to the skateboarding industry in many ways including trick invention, endemic entrepreneurship, signature shoes . It was cool to bump into them at that particular moment, 'cause I had no idea where the fuck I was going, as I had no itinerary. This was no great surprise as I had just received my travel tickets by courier at 12:30 earlier that day and had to make the 2:00 international flight. There was no sign of Team Manager Dee-Bo or Neil Mims, who we were also to meet up with in Amsterdam. Mike asked me if I wanted a beer; I declined, saying "No thanks, I'm still tired from the flight." He took off, while Masse and I talked about what to do when we got to Copenhagen. Mike came back with three beers and a "Here you go" as he handed one to me. Right then and there was the official start of Groundhog Day Groundhog Day (February 2) In the U.S., the day that the groundhog predicts whether spring will be coming soon. If, on emerging from his hole, he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter; if not, spring is imminent. . I went to get my flight to Copenhagen; Mike and Jason would arrive at a later time. One hour later I get to Copenhagen and was stunned stun tr.v. stunned, stun·ning, stuns 1. To daze or render senseless, by or as if by a blow. 2. To overwhelm or daze with a loud noise. 3. to s ee Mims and TM Dee-Bo's bags on the conveyer belt, but there was no sign of them. "Shit, they were supposed to be on my flight." I grab their shit and set up camp--it's bad enough being stuck in an airport, but to have to watch over somebody else's luggage; now that's torture. Five tedious hours pass, Crum and Masse show up but still no sign of the others, who should have been there ages ago. Crum then spots a distributor who knows where we have to be, and what hotel we were at, so we leave the airport to go check in. As for TM Dee-Bo and Mims, PEACE OUT. CREEPIN IN CHRISTIANIA Christiania: see Oslo, Norway. After a good night's sleep and the arrival of TM Dee-Bo and Neil (who got held up at customs in Amsterdam) it was time to get rolling Verb 1. get rolling - start to be active; "Get cracking, please!" bestir oneself, get cracking, get moving, get started, get weaving, get going begin, commence, set out, start, start out, set about, get down, get - take the first step or steps in carrying . For the next two weeks we were to hit three contests: One in Copenhagen, Dortmund, and finally Prague, so there were loads of skaters in town. I was stoked stoked adj. Slang 1. Exhilarated or excited. 2. Being or feeling high or intoxicated, especially from a drug. to meet Lance Mountain Robert Lance Mountain (born June 13, 1964) was one of the more popular skateboarders throughout much of the 1980s, and one of the five most legendary members of the Bones Brigade, as featured in the 1987 classic The Search For Animal Chin (Bones Brigade Video Three). , Lance Jr., Richard Muldet, and Rodrigo TX, who were also staying at our hotel. We went and checked out Stallen Skatepark A skatepark is a purpose-built recreational environment for skateboarders, bmxers and aggressive skaters to ride and develop their sport and technique. A skatepark may contain half-pipes, quarter pipes, handrails, trick boxes, vert ramps, pyramids, banked ramps, full pipes, stairs, , Copenhagen's biggest outdoor park, which was alright except for too many blades and bmxers roaching around. TP [*] caught a bike peg to the shin after only two minutes on the course. After Stallen we cruised to the Jammer Pads, Copenhagen's #1 ledge spot. This spot was tight: it reminded me of Pier 7 back home in SF with ledges, manual pads, and gaps. We checked out some other spots but most of them were "good from far spots"--that's when a spot looks good from far away but when you get close to check it out it's far from good. The streets were all cobblecraze [**] so finding goo d spots was kinda Adv. 1. kinda - to some (great or small) extent; "it was rather cold"; "the party was rather nice"; "the knife is rather dull"; "I rather regret that I cannot attend"; "He's rather good at playing the cello"; "he is kind of shy" kind of, sort of, rather hard, but not impossible. Later that day, me, Masse, and TP went to look into something we had seen earlier. I remember asking the cab driver cab·driv·er also cab driver n. One who drives a taxicab for hire. cab driver n → taxista m/f cab driver n → if he spoke Denmarkian; he shot me a crazy look and snapped back with "You stupid American, we speak Danish! What the fuck is this Denmarkian shit?" After a few laughs (mostly at him), he told us of a magical place in Copenhagen called Christiania, a hippie community that's fenced off from the rest of the city. This spot was like a mini Amsterdam. There were restaurants, coffee bars, shops, music, and of course lots of herbs, hash, and shrooms... A regular farmer's market for the stoner ston·er n. 1. One that stones. 2. Slang a. One who is habitually intoxicated by alcohol or drugs. b. One who is a delinquent or failure. type. Yeah, this was Hesh-dog Heaven. There was also a skatespot there. If you recall a Tom Penny Tom Penny (born April 13, 1977) is a professional skateboarder from Oxford, England. He is well known in the skateboarding community for his calm style and natural abilities and as a master of frontside flips and many kickflip variations. ad, where he's doing a f/s flip in a bowl, that's the spot. This would become the spot to most likely find everybody chillin'. (*.) TP: Trevor Prescott, filmer dude (**.) Cobblecraze: Cobblestone TRANS. PLANES AND RENTAL VANS When the Copenhagen contest was over we hooked up with our German connection at the hotel. They were to take us to Hamburg but didn't have enough room in the van for everyone, so we told them to take our bags and meet us there. Everyone was happy with that decision, so with the T-dogs on their way to Hamburg with our shit, we jumped in a cab and headed for the train station. Once there we were accompanied by Gailea Momolu, Louie Barletta, Andy Bautista, Robert, and 411 Mike. We boarded the train ready for action with 12-pack in hand and boom box blasting. The trains are dope out here; so much fun. Who wants to be cramped up in a van when you can run wild on a train and piss off piss Vulgar Slang v. pissed, piss·ing, piss·es v.intr. To urinate. v.tr. 1. To urinate on or in. 2. To discharge (blood, for example) in the urine. funny-hat-wearing-weinerschnitzel-eating old farts old fart - Tribal elder. A title self-assumed with remarkable frequency by (especially) Usenetters who have been programming for more than about 25 years; often appears in sig blocks attached to Jargon File contributions of great archaeological significance. , drink beer, and take as many pisses as you want without having to say "Yo!! Pull over at the next stop!" Good thing the border dogs had colds that day, or we would have been assed-out. ROCKY IV Thomas and Stephen met us at the train station in Hamburg; they were the guys who picked up our bags at the hotel in Copenhagen. Thomas was a photographer from a European magazine and Stephen was, well, a T-dog. At first, our new tour guides thought they were on hit [*], saying shit like "We are not baby sitters" [**] and "You American pros are so spoiled" [**] and "What kind of skater are you Masse?" [**] So we had to put these guys through hell. I guess after 48 hours of Groundhog Day Thomas mellowed out, and ended up being a cool dude. The next day Mike Crum was attacked by two huge Russian guys at the square in downtown Hamburg. They were toting and waving an American flag passing and sipping on a large bottle of vodka, and shouting "USA's number one, Germany sucks." [**] I'm not too sure on the exact details of what happened next, but I was told that one tossed his CD player in the river, and the other almost broke his arm. I have no idea how he got out of that one, or how he got into that one. I guess one of the dudes Dudes may refer to:
adj. bur·li·er, bur·li·est Heavy, strong, and muscular; husky. See Synonyms at muscular. [Middle English burlich, from Old English *borlic, excellent; see Russian jabbed his elbow into the bottom of the bottle and chipped Neil's tooth. Next stop: Dortmund. (*.)On hit: When something's tight or when somebody thinks they're the shit (**.)These quotes must be said with o German accent or like the Russian bad guy in Rocky IV GROUNDHOG DAY Check it: In this story, when I mention Groundhog Day, I'm referring to that one piece of fine work starring Bill Murray
William James "Bill" Murray (born September 21, 1950) is an Academy Award-nominated, Emmy-winning and Golden Globe-winning American comedian and actor. , as a guy that had to live the same day over, and over, and over again. That shit's for real! Everyday was fuckin' Groundhog Day. When you got Mike Crum and TM Dee-Bo together, you find yourself waking up everyday with a beer in your hand. Crum's got shotgun in the van and control of the tunes, plus he's on lead vocals and air guitar with facial expressions facial expression, n the use of the facial muscles to communicate or to convey mood. and head jerking to match; TM Dee-Bo's on the back up vocals and air drums... It was like being in some kind of fucked up karaoke karaoke (Japanese; “empty orchestra”) Use of a device that plays instrumental accompaniments to songs with the vocal tracks removed, permitting the user to sing the lead. band or something. I now know all the words to: "Jailbreadk" --Thin Lizzy, "Let's Have a War"--Fear, "New York's All Right"--Fear, "Rudy"--The Specials, and "The Boys Are Back In Town"--Thin Lizzy. I couldn't get them out of my head. I would catch myself singing "Dun-dun-dun-dant! Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak! Dun-dun-dun-dun-dant! Somewhere in this town!" out loud at any given scenario. That turned i nto the theme song for the trip. I would just point at somebody standing in line at a store and start singing "There's too many people, there's too many people, there's too many people, there's too many people Fuck, thanks guys. TEAM MANAGER DEE - BO Now, I just started touring, and I've seen how the team manager/skater relationship works out. It's almost like a father/son thing: 'Here, go skate that demo and I'll give you this shiny nickel!" or something like that. You got some that are cool and some that are shady TM Dee-Bo falls into the cool guy category--for those of you who don't know Don't know (DK, DKed) "Don't know the trade." A Street expression used whenever one party lacks knowledge of a trade or receives conflicting instructions from the other party. who Dee-Bo is, I suggest you go to your local video store and rent the movie Friday. Some of TM Dee-Bo's daily Dee-BO duties were to come through with tickets for trains and planes and to make sure we had to run for both. Hotels--only the best, none of that Best Western crap--Dee-Bo needs plush carpets to walk on. Handing out and taking per diem per diem adj. or n. Latin for "per day," it is short for payment of daily expenses and/or fees of an employee or an agent. , inventor of the "Party Over Here Dance" (in which he sold the rights to Uncle Luke): TM Dee-Bo was in charge and made sure you had a beer in your hands at all times, He gets my vote for favorite road trip team manager, even though we almost got killed by the Russian Mafia in Austria. That's a long story which I'm not going into because they know where I live. "HEEYYY PARTY OVER HERE!" Soon to be the next "Raise The Roof," This one little catch phrase and dance where you wave both hands above your head and say "Party over here heeyyy!!" came up 100 times each day, even on the airplane home... It just didn't stop. Don't get me wrong, this song and dance came out of my mouth every time I saw the fellas. It helped us cope with being on the road. I guess every tour needs a theme, a catch phrase--something to keep the morale high when homesickness creeps in. IT'S ALL GOOD With the Dortmund contest done, it's off to the station to catch a train to Prague. After an eight hour ride we arrived in Berlin, where we have to transfer trains. We're on point, at the right gate, at the right time; shit, we're early. Beer was bought, a game of skate was played, music bumpin'--it was a rager. Andy Bautista and his crew were there. It was a fuckin' Kodak moment. Wait! 411 Mike did have a Kodak on him, and pictures were taken. Now this is living in the moment, Wait a minute, what time is it? I think that was our train that just took off. It was right in front of us for the past 20 minutes. Yup, we missed our train, and the next one's not coming 'dl morning. "Fuck it, let's get a hotel and kick it in Berlin for a night." So we did. Spots were found and spots were crushed. CONTEST CRAZE In Dortmund, since our hotel was in the cuts and far away from everything, it was all about the contest. No street skating Street skating is the practice of roller skating (commonly on inline skates or quad skates) in groups on public roads. Street skates can be formal affairs, with prespecified routes, marshals and, at times, police escorts or ad hoc gatherings of like minded individuals. , just contest craze. Our guide and baby sitter Thomas was in contest mode. Let me explain "contest mode." It's the only time when the big-name pros are in town, and probably the only time these guys get to take photos of them. So they rush out on to the course and take photos of people they see other guys taking photos of. Why would you want 10 dudes in your shot with 10 flashes and 10 filmers and their babies' mammas? Hey, gotta do what you gotta do, so I ran out and got some shit on the down low. I don't want nobody's babies' moms in my shot. PRAGUE PRAGUE PRAGUE Prague was such a beautiful spot; it blew my mind. After checking into our hotel we took a beer tour [*] of the city and checked out the amazing a·maze v. a·mazed, a·maz·ing, a·maz·es v.tr. 1. To affect with great wonder; astonish. See Synonyms at surprise. 2. Obsolete To bewilder; perplex. v.intr. castles, cathedrals, and cool little houses. It was like the Smurf village. One day we went to Stalmen Square, and I remember it was 100 degrees outside. At the entrance of the park you are faced with 250 steps that you have to climb to get to the skatespot--a lot of fun with 30 lbs. of camera gear on you back. Stalmen Square's an amazing spot with marble ledges, a couple of hubbas, and smooth ground--it also overlooks the entire city so you have a picturesque view. I shot a couple of flicks Daniel Haney and broke out. It was too damn hot. Back at the hotel, with our money tripled, we were Czech millionaires--we had money to bum. One night at a party, after taking a crap and realizing there was no toilet paper, I wiped my ass with a $50. Hey, fuck. it, we were living large out here eating chicken and potatoes for breakfast and chicken and potatoes for lunch. Shit, th at's all I ate--that's all they had. Prague would turn out to be the best stop of the trip. Everyone had fun in Prague. * Beer tour: Skating and sight.seeing while drinking beer, 'cause they encourage you to drink in public in Europe. Shit. they sell beer at McDonald's GOTTI GO WOTTI GO! Out of all the strip clubs in Vienna, leave it to Team Groundhog groundhog: see woodchuck. to pick the one run and owned by the Russian Mafia. All I gotta say is that I'm glad to be home writing this story with all my fingers and toes Fingers and Toes See also anatomy; body, human; hands. adactyly a birth defect in which one or more fingers or toes are missing. dactyl a digit; a finger or toe. See also measurement. , 'cause when a 300 lb. Mafioso comes into the hotel room and tells the team manager to "Come with me pleeaasssee!" shit gets a little scary. You then understand what his two buddies, who have been waiting in the lobby all day long (to make sure that we didn't make a break for the airport) were up to. Makes things kinda sketchy, and when TM Dee-Bo comes back with a bald head and a bag full of hair, a shirt drenched in Adj. 1. drenched in - abundantly covered or supplied with; often used in combination; "drenched in moonlight"; "moon-drenched meadows" drenched covered - overlaid or spread or topped with or enclosed within something; sometimes used as a combining form; sweat, and says "It's time It's Time was a successful political campaign run by the Australian Labor Party (ALP) under Gough Whitlam at the 1972 election in Australia. Campaigning on the perceived need for change after 23 years of conservative (Liberal Party of Australia) government, Labor put forward a to go," you don't ask questions, you just go. If your shit's not packed, flack it and leave it, and don't look back. It's time to step, and get on that plane headed straight back to the Sucka Free.* This ain't Goodfellas. and I'm out. * Sucka Free: San Francisco San Francisco (săn frănsĭs`kō), city (1990 pop. 723,959), coextensive with San Francisco co., W Calif., on the tip of a peninsula between the Pacific Ocean and San Francisco Bay, which are connected by the strait known as the Golden |
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