THE DAILY NEWS WATCH-O-RAMA HIGHLIGHTS AND LOWLIGHTS OF THE COMING TV WEEK.

Byline: David Kronke

``Stealing Sinatra'' (Showtime; 8 tonight)

Think: David Arquette and William H. Macy star in this dark docudramedy about the real-life 1963 kidnapping of Frank Sinatra Jr. by inept, low-rent bunglers.

Don't think: Going after the son and not the father sort of serves as an unwitting yet bemused metaphor for the dawn of the age of lower expectations.

In a nutshell: Wry, whimsical caper with cagey, empathetic characterizations and outrageous turns of events.

``Brave New Girl'' (ABC Family; 8 tonight)

Think: Britney Spears and her mom, Lynne, executive-produced this movie loosely based on the storybook they ``wrote.'' Texas teen Holly (Lindsey Haun) and her mother (Virginia Madsen) share a dream - transforming Holly into a pied-piper teen idol leading a generation of young girls into degenerate behavior.

Don't think: Deciding between letting my kids watch this or one of those simperingly bland after-school specials from the '70s feels as dire as ``Sophie's Choice.''

In a nutshell: Toxic. Generic rags-to-riches yarn awash in cliches about both yahoo Texans and uppity music-academy snobs with the added bonus of encouraging teen girls to sleep with their boyfriends - yee-haw! Chase those dreams, kids!

``Plainsong''

(CBS Channel 2; 9 tonight)

Think: Aidan Quinn and Rachel Griffiths star as small-town Colorado schoolteachers with miserable personal lives (he has an estranged, perpetually depressed wife; she, an ailing father) brought together by a pregnant student (America Ferrara), who touches other lives, as well. Based on Kent Haruf's best seller.

Don't think: Griffiths moves Ferrara in with a couple of old codgers, which is kind of ewww until it becomes awww.

In a nutshell: Very low-key by today's standards; thoughtful, heartfelt and largely well-acted, with a few quirky, well-observed moments. Curious resolution, though.

``Comedy Central's Bar Mitzvah Bash''

(Comedy Central; 10 tonight)

Think: Adam Carolla hosts a tribute to the network, both its successes and failures, with a string of congratulations and performances from A-listers, B-listers and less-celebrated -listers. Snoop Dogg, D.L. Hughley, Dave Chappelle provide the highlights.

Don't think: ``The Daily Show's'' Stephen Colbert puts it best: ``Mazel tov, Comedy Central, for co-opting a sacred religious ceremony just so you can do a clip show.''

In a nutshell: The network does some things very well and some things abhorrently. This more or less combines the two.

``Jockey''

(HBO; 8 p.m. Monday; also 2 p.m. Friday and 2:30 p.m. Saturday)

Think: Just in time for the Kentucky Derby comes this documentary exploring the ``dark side'' of professional horse racing.

Don't think: Makes ``Seabiscuit'' look like a stirring tale of a horse and his owners beating the odds. Oh, wait: ``Seabiscuit'' is a stirring tale of a horse and his owners beating the odds.

In a nutshell: Jockeys lead lives both ugly and glamorous, we're told, in this portrait of three jockeys at various levels of success. You'll come for the racing; you'll stay for the bulimia!

``Land of Lost Monsters''

(Animal Planet; 8 p.m. Tuesday)

Think: ``Look into the past and you'll see a battle between humankind and beasts that rages for thousands of years,'' exclaims the overheated narrator, setting the table for a special combining computer animation and vague educational values about how our ancestors often served as hors d'oeuvres for early beasts.

Don't think: Why couldn't they throw in some cool T. rexes? They're always good for luring audiences keen on being educated by computer animation.

In a nutshell: Straddles that quixotic line between legitimate insight and bad melodrama with a sheen of earth-sciences respectability.

``Shorties Watching Shorties''

(Comedy Central; 10:30 p.m. Wednesday)

Think: Cartoon babies (voiced by comics Nick DiPaolo and Patrice Oneal) watch flash-animated depictions of other stand-ups' acts.

Don't think: ``Beavis and Butt-head Jr.''

In a nutshell: The animation of the routines actually detracts from the humor; still, it's undemanding, easygoing, time-killing TV.

``Most Extreme Elimination Challenge''

(Spike TV; 10 p.m. Thursday)

Think: Politically themed episode of the hilariously reconfigured Japanese stunt series, with such competitions as Rock the Moat, Dark Horse Race, Mud Slinging, etc.

Don't think: Remember ``Milo and Otis,'' the controversial Japanese children's film that inadvertently killed a bunch of kittens during its production? This looks like the human equivalent.

In a nutshell: Breathlessly paced mayhem with relentlessly shameless wordplay and unbelievably idiotic (and painful-looking) competitions. Addictive stuff.

``Midnight Snack: 'Lord Love a Duck'''

(Sundance Channel; midnight Friday)

Think: ``Mr. Show's'' Bob Odenkirk hosts this series unearthing all manner of cult movies; this week's is George Axelrod's 1965 bizarre satire starring Roddy McDowell and Tuesday Weld as anarchic teens spreading havoc at a progressive high school and in the teen-beach-flick industry.

Don't think: Is this and beer commercials really the best Hollywood can offer the co-creator of ``Mr. Show,'' one of the funniest sketch comedies in TV history?

In a nutshell: In its exploding California social mores, the film was far ahead of its time - a church service is set in a drive-in-movie lot, allowing those in convertibles to sun themselves - as were McDowell and Weld, who are clearly far beyond their teens.

``Megas XRL''

(Cartoon Network; 9 p.m. Saturday)

Think: Anime-style sci-fi yarn for NASCAR fans. A battle pits reptilian aliens against a skeezy slacker who perfected a robot from our future's past (if that makes any sense); the stakes are - altogether, now - the fate of the Earth.

Don't think: ``Transformers: The Next Generation.''

In a nutshell: Tons of stuff gets blown up in the first three minutes, before any characters are introduced, which gives you an idea of where this is coming from. Big fun for little boys.

``Mary Higgins Clark's I'll Be Seeing You''

(Pax; 9 p.m. Saturdays)

Think: Alison Eastwood (Clint's daughter) stars as a woman who discovers she apparently has an identical twin - when called to ID the body at the morgue. And her missing-and-presumed-dead father has something to do with it all. Spooky!

Don't think: The killer has the worst French accent in the history of French accents. Even John Cleese's in ``Monty Python and the Holy Grail'' was more persuasive.

In a nutshell: It'd be more involving if the writing and, in particular, the acting weren't so ham-fisted.

David Kronke, [phone]

david.kronke(at)dailynews.com

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``LAND OF THE LOST MONSTERS''