THE DAILY NEWS WATCH-A-RAMA HIGHLIGHTS AND LOWLIGHTS FOR THE COMING WEEK.

Byline: - David Kronke

THE BRAK SHOW

(Cartoon Network, 11:30 tonight)

Think: The weirdest show on television: Obscure cartoon characters repurposed into a surreal family sitcom. Tonight, Brak's diminutive, Latin-lover father and killer robot Thundercleese battle for the affections of a vacuum.

Don't think: Brak sure could use some Ritalin (though it's true). Or Zorac sure has gotten evil this season (though it, too, is true, as he murders Zorak's father and hypnotizes his British space-alien mother, sets everyone in sight on fire and kills a spy).

In a nutshell: Hilariously surreal. You'll either laugh or call a TV repairman.

THE MALDONADO MIRACLE

(Showtime, 8 tonight)

Think: Salma Hayek directs this glorified afterschool special about a young Mexican boy who crosses into a small border town, and that town's brush with faith when its church's crucifix appears to bleed.

Don't think: A film starring Hayek is a heck of a lot more enticing than one directed by her.

In a nutshell: Good-intentioned but earnest and predictable.

WARRIOR QUEEN

(KCET, 9 tonight)

Think: ``Masterpiece Theatre'' meets ``Xena: Warrior Princess.'' Alex Kingston (``ER'') stars as Queen Boudica, who led early Britain in a revolt against Rome. Kingston tromps around a lot with makeup designed to look like mud on her face.

Don't think: ``Xena: Warrior Princess'' and ``Masterpiece Theatre'' really don't belong in the same sentence, let alone the same movie.

In a nutshell: Based on a true story, but feels like anything but. Even host Russell Baker looks vaguely uncomfortable introducing it.

WINDY CITY HEAT

(Comedy Central, 9 tonight)

Think: ``The Joe Schmo Show: The Motion Picture.'' A loser is told he's starring in a movie. He's not. But then again, in a way, he is, just not the one he thinks. Then again, it's just a parody of a parody of reality TV, if that's not too meta for you.

Don't think: Or maybe it's a parody of bad movies. Or maybe it's a bad movie, period: less meta but more likely.

In a nutshell: Too obvious by half.

FOOTSTEPS

(CBS, Channel 2, 9 tonight)

Think: ``Misery'' the TV movie - Candice Bergen plays a neurotically phobic mystery novelist spending an eventful evening ``alone'' in her home. Based on an unproduced play by Ira Levin.

Don't think: Bergen playing panic-stricken is actually pretty funny.

In a nutshell: Implausible and hyperbolic.

THE STRATEGIC HUMOR INITIATIVE

(KCET, 9 p.m. Tuesday)

Think: Three nations unite to create one topical comedy special: Sir David Frost in London, Jimmy Tingle in Boston, Jimmy Carr in Toronto and other comics ``contribute one-liners, sketches, videos, stand-ups, sound bites, commentaries, blogs and monologues to create the own hilarious, razor-sharp and 'up-to-the-minute' viewpoint of world affairs.''

Don't think: Sounds like a lot of trouble for a dinky half-hour show.

In a nutshell: Not available for preview. It sounds awfully ambitious, vaguely incoherent and potentially disastrous - in short, must-see viewing.

D.C. SNIPER: 23 DAYS OF FEAR

(USA Network, 9 p.m. Friday)

Think: Charles S. Dutton stars as Chief Charles Moose, the man who led the investigation against the sniper who terrorized the Washington, D.C., area in the fall of 2002.

Don't think: Doesn't Dutton usually do classier stuff than true-crime knockoff teleflicks?

In a nutshell: Here's the shocker: It's actually pretty well done, effectively evoking the unhinged paranoia that gripped the area - the mere sound of a helicopter overhead inspires worried glances. And Dutton brings reliable grit and unexpected nuance to his role.

CAPTION(S):

2 photos

Photo:

(1) Candice Bergen

(2) Charles S. Dutton