THE CHALLENGE OF CARING; BOOMERS DIVIDE LIVES BETWEEN KIDS, PARENTS.Byline: Story by Yvette Cabrera Daily News Staff Writer It was one of the happiest days of Ellen Sperling's life. After 18 hours of labor, she gave birth to her first son, Tyler. An hour later came a phone call that gave a bittersweet bittersweet, name for two unrelated plants, belonging to different families, both fall-fruiting woody vines sometimes cultivated for their decorative scarlet berries. tinge to her day. Her father, Maurice Chernin, was on the phone, flustered flus·ter tr. & intr.v. flus·tered, flus·ter·ing, flus·ters To make or become nervous or upset. n. A state of agitation, confusion, or excitement. . Suffering from Parkinson's and Alzheimer's diseases, he couldn't remember where he had parked his car. On a single day, she had become part of a growing phenomenon in America - the sandwich generation Sandwich Generation The generation of middle-aged individuals who are pressured to support both aging parents and growing children. Notes: Those of the sandwich generation are caught between the obligation to care for their parents--who may be ill, unable to perform : baby boomers See generation X. caught between the demands of caring for their children and caring for elderly parents who can no longer fend for Verb 1. fend for - argue or speak in defense of; "She supported the motion to strike" defend, support argue, reason - present reasons and arguments themselves. As Sperling lay in her hospital bed, drained from childbirth, she talked to her father, retracing his steps. After a few minutes, she persuaded him to look right outside - and there was the car. Then she repeated precise directions from his Canoga Park retirement home to Encino-Tarzana Regional Medical Center, so he could come visit his first grandson. She was exhausted - and crushed, as she saw her father slowly slipping away, never to return as the vibrant man she remembered. ``There are times when you're dealing with a crisis, when it's so overwhelming it just takes over your life,'' Sperling said. This is a generation driven by love and loyalty, but also by guilt and anger for having to care for the parents who once cared for them. In the days and weeks that have passed since Tyler's birthday in 1995, the crises have worsened. They tear Sperling, 35, between her traditional role as a wife and mother and her new duties as surrogate parent to a 75-year-old father who can no longer care for himself. She often wonders if it's worth it for her father to keep living as he is. ``I think about it all the time,'' she said, tears filling her eyes. ``Granted, he's not hooked to a machine. But he doesn't know what's going on Verb 1. know what's going on - be well-informed be on the ball, be with it, know the score, know what's what know - know how to do or perform something; "She knows how to knit"; "Does your husband know how to cook?" ; he's on medications. It's not the life that anybody would want.'' The sandwich generation One in four households in America is involved in the daily care of an elderly parent, tending to people disabled by Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, strokes and traumatic brain injuries, according to according to prep. 1. As stated or indicated by; on the authority of: according to historians. 2. In keeping with: according to instructions. 3. the Children of Aging Parents organization in Levittown, Pa. As many as 40 percent of Americans who care for their parents are in this sandwich generation, statistics show. More than 1,600 people in Los Angeles Los Angeles (lôs ăn`jələs, lŏs, ăn`jəlēz'), city (1990 pop. 3,485,398), seat of Los Angeles co., S Calif.; inc. 1850. - 40 percent of the 4,000 clients the Los Angeles Caregiver Resource Center has served in the 1990s - claim membership in this growing clan, according to the center. ``All signs indicate that the issue is going to grow into a bigger problem,'' said Rigo Saborio, co-director of the center, part of a statewide network of centers serving families caring for brain-impaired adults. Past generations have had to deal with aging parents, but the sandwich generation is different. Earlier this century, about 75 percent of Americans died before they reached 65. Today, according to the 1990 census, more than 70 percent of the population lives past that age. That number is only expected to grow, with one in five Americans - 70 million - projected to be at least 65 by 2030. In the San Fernando Valley San Fernando Valley Valley, southern California, U.S. Northwest of central Los Angeles, the valley is bounded by the San Gabriel, Santa Susana, and Santa Monica mountains and the Simi Hills. , where Sperling attends support group meetings organized by the Los Angeles branch of Children of Aging Parents, an estimated 163,000 people are over 65. ``What happens is you have the population aging, and with technological advances you have people living longer,'' Saborio said. ``However, you have a lot more disabilities that people are living with. In some cases they are life-threatening, but they don't end a person's life.'' Statistics show that a majority - 66 percent - of people who care for their loved ones loved ones npl → seres mpl queridos loved ones npl → proches mpl et amis chers loved ones love npl are clinically depressed. In a few extreme cases, there have been caregivers who committed suicide, Saborio noted. ``It's financially stressful for caregivers, it's emotionally draining and there are a lot of feelings of guilt,'' Saborio said. ``You feel you can't get away.'' Juggling chaos has become a way of life for Sperling. It means getting up at 5 a.m. to squeeze in her treadmill workout and then running nonstop, dealing with Tyler's potty-training tantrums and a difficult father who erupts when Sperling makes decisions for him that he can no longer handle. ``It's a real shock to see, especially because people always said to me, your dad was so brilliant,'' she said. Onset of Alzheimer's Four years ago, when her father began to repeatedly ask for directions to the two Mail Boxes Etc. stores owned by Sperling and her husband, David, she suspected he was taking a turn for the worse. Until then, Maurice Chernin had been able to care for himself, even after being diagnosed in 1986 with Parkinson's disease Parkinson's disease or Parkinsonism, degenerative brain disorder first described by the English surgeon James Parkinson in 1817. When there is no known cause, the disease usually appears after age 40 and is referred to as Parkinson's disease. , a brain disorder that impairs muscle control and causes tremors. Then one day her father failed to answer his phone. Sperling rushed to his Agoura Hills condominium, where she found him dehydrated de·hy·drate v. de·hy·drat·ed, de·hy·drat·ing, de·hy·drates v.tr. 1. To remove water from; make anhydrous. 2. To preserve by removing water from (vegetables, for example). and disoriented dis·o·ri·ent tr.v. dis·o·ri·ent·ed, dis·o·ri·ent·ing, dis·o·ri·ents To cause (a person, for example) to experience disorientation. Adj. 1. . He didn't know when he had last taken his medicine or eaten. Doctors told her that her father was displaying symptoms of Alzheimer's disease, another brain disorder. Patients lose their short-term memory short-term memory n. Abbr. STM The phase of the memory process in which stimuli that have been recognized and registered are stored briefly. and ability to reason. There is no medical treatment to cure or halt its slow, steady progression, but patients often live for years. So for Sperling, as the only child of a divorced man Noun 1. divorced man - a man who is divorced from (or separated from) his wife grass widower adult male, man - an adult person who is male (as opposed to a woman); "there were two women and six men on the bus" with few living relatives, her father's care fell suddenly and squarely on her shoulders. ``I feel like there's no one else to do it, so there's a sense of duty,'' she said. She moved her father into her West Hills home. But after a month, worrying that he might tumble down the stairs Adv. 1. down the stairs - on a floor below; "the tenants live downstairs" downstairs, on a lower floor, below , she decided to place him in a retirement home where he could have 24-hour care. She packed his belongings and put them in storage, hoping that one day, when he got better, she could move him back on his own. The process brought a flood of memories of her father as a young, vibrant man. He had meticulously charted her bottle feedings as a baby, taken her trick-or-treating every Halloween and taught her how to bodysurf bod·y·surf intr.v. bod·y·surfed, bod·y·surf·ing, bod·y·surfs Sports To ride the waves to shore without a surfboard. bod at the beach in Santa Monica Santa Monica (săn`tə mŏn`ĭkə), city (1990 pop. 86,905), Los Angeles co., S Calif., on Santa Monica Bay; inc. 1886. Tourism and retailing are important, and the city has motion-picture, biotechnology, and software industries. and ski on the slopes of Mammoth. He attended her swim meets, tutored her in math and encouraged her to go to college. She remembered the smell of his aftershave aftershave Noun a scented lotion applied to a man's face after shaving aftershave , aftershave lotion after n → Rasierwasser nt , his neatly pressed suits and the briefcase he would always carry to work as an electrical engineer. Sperling preserves her father's mementos, carefully tucking them away in a storage unit. His amateur radio station An amateur radio station is a facility equipped with the apparatus necessary for carrying on radiocommunications in the Amateur Radio Service. There are several types of amateur radio stations: an amateur radio station may be located in a building, installed in a vehicle, located license. His degrees from the University of Texas and Stanford. His published research projects. A laminated map on which he charted every port of call during his World War II days in the Navy. Until the day in 1994 when Sperling found her father disoriented in his condo, he lavished attention on his sporty red Nissan 300ZX The Nissan 300ZX, also known as the Nissan Fairlady Z, is a sports car that was produced by Nissan. It comprises the third and fourth generations of the Z-car line-up, respectively given the chassis designations Z31 and Z32. . Every Saturday, he washed and polished it. He'd roar off Verb 1. roar off - leave; "The car roared off into the fog" take off, start out, set forth, set off, set out, start, depart, part - leave; "The family took off for Florida" through the canyons and hills, across Mulholland Highway and to the beach to catch the sunset. When he entered the retirement home, the car sat silently in his daughter's driveway. Sperling said, ``I kept it for a long time, thinking, maybe . . .'' Then came baby A year after her dad moved to the nursing home, Tyler was born, and Sperling found herself torn between a father who needed pampering and a baby in Pampers Pampers is a brand of disposable diaper (or nappy) marketed by Procter & Gamble worldwide. Product information Diapers Pampers Diapers come in sizes going all the way up to Size 7. . She and her husband decided to sell one of their stores so she could focus on her role as a caregiver. Then last year, son Blake was born. Now her days start at 5 a.m., when Blake wakes the family, and don't end until late at night, after the pager that links daughter to father sounds for the last time. ``The minute I wake up, my head is going a mile a minute dealing with the kids, dealing with my dad,'' Sperling said. ``I always feel like it's there, hovering over my head.'' Selling his independence Inevitably, the day came when it was time to sell her father's car - the symbol of his independence. ``It was really upsetting. I can still cry now just thinking about it,'' Sperling said. ``It meant that he wasn't getting better.'' She could not muster the courage to tell him for months. When she did, he accused her of trying to bury him. ```How dare you sell my car!'' he shouted. ``I'm going to drive again!'' What could she say? ``He doesn't understand what it's like for me because he can't.'' `Come in to shore' The party was meant to celebrate Father's Day, her father's birthday and Blake's first birthday, which all fell on the same day. Sperling was determined to make her dad happy. Cheeks flushed, she raced in and out of her house, making sure her father had his favorite beer, helping to spoon-feed him watermelon watermelon, plant (Citrullus vulgaris) of the family Curcurbitaceae (gourd family) native to Africa and introduced to America by Africans transported as slaves. Watermelons are now extensively cultivated in the United States and are popular also in S Russia. chunks. She dashed to the other end of her patio, trying to coax Tyler to eat his tortilla, getting a bottle ready for Blake. Her father sat idly, seeming not to notice, never offering a thank-you. ``There's really nothing to feel good about,'' Sperling said the day after the party. ``It's not like I can say he's remarkably better.'' This is not the way she imagined her father living his twilight years. He suffers from delusions. ``Is anybody home out there?'' he'll blurt out. ``I have someone on the other line,'' her father told her another day, as if still working at Hughes Aircraft. But what keeps her going are her memories of what he once was - and the memories that sometimes flash back to her father in vivid, prophetic clarity. ``I loved the beach,'' he said one afternoon, recalling his surfing days. ``You go in and the wave comes along. And if you catch it right, you ride in on the front of the wave and come in to shore.'' ALZHEIMER`s and PARKINSON`s: A Closer Look at the Diseases The leading causes of brain impairment in adults are Alzheimer's disease; stroke, traumatic brain injury and Parkinson's disease. Here's a look at the causes and symptoms of Alzheimer's and Parkinson's diseases, which have no cure: ALZHEIMER`S DISEASE A hereditary disorder that attacks and kills the brain nerve cells. Symptoms: Memory loss, object misplacement mis·place tr.v. mis·placed, mis·plac·ing, mis·plac·es 1. a. To put into a wrong place: misplace punctuation in a sentence. b. , orientation. Confusion and problems with language. Personality and behavioral changes, agitation, depression and delusions. Treatments: Tacrine tacrine /tac·rine/ (tak´ren) a cholinesterase inhibitor used to improve cognitive performance in dementia of the Alzheimer type; used as the hydrochloride salt. to improve memory impairment; however, it is prescribed under close supervision because of side effects Side effects Effects of a proposed project on other parts of the firm. . This cross-section view shows how Alzheimer's disease is associated with the shrinkage and thickening of brain cells that control language and memory, causing progressive memory loss, confusion and disorientation disorientation /dis·or·i·en·ta·tion/ (-or?e-en-ta´shun) the loss of proper bearings, or a state of mental confusion as to time, place, or identity. in patients. Affected: 65 - 84 years: One in 10 75 - 84 years: One in 5 85+ years: One in 3 PARKINSON`S DISEASE A brain disorder caused by the deterioration of a small group of brain cells that control body movement. Symptoms: Tremors of the resting hand; changes in speech and handwriting; difficulty turning in bed, starting to walk, getting in or out of a car or chair. Other symptoms: rigid muscles; difficulty with balance, speech, swallowing; freezing spells; depression; and sleep disturbances. Affected: One in 500 Source: American Academy of Neurology The American Academy of Neurology (AAN) is a professional society for neurologists and neuroscientists. As a medical specialty society it was established in 1949 by A.B. Baker of the University of Minnesota to advance the art and science of neurology, and thereby promote the best and Diagnostic Center for Alzheimer's Disease, University of Oklahoma University of Oklahoma, abbreviated OU, is a coeducational public research university located in the U.S. state of Oklahoma. Founded in 1890, it existed in Oklahoma Territory near Indian Territory 17 years before the two became the state of Oklahoma. , California Family Caregiver Alliance, The Institute for Brain Aging and Dementia, University of California The University of California has a combined student body of more than 191,000 students, over 1,340,000 living alumni, and a combined systemwide and campus endowment of just over $7.3 billion (8th largest in the United States). . CARE: AT WHAT COST Nationwide, adults who care for their elderly parents spend $2 billion out of pocket per month. Most of these adults - about 40 percent - are between 35 to 49 years old. Here is a profile of who the adult caregivers are: IN THE U.S.: Care costs for Alzheimer's Average nursing home care costs annually: $40,000 At home with most of the care coming from families annually: $18,000 Nursing home populations Alzheimer's: 50% IN CALIFORNIA: Percentages of caregivers By age Under 35: 28% Over 65: 15% By gender Male: 28% Female: 72% By relationship Relatives: 85% Daughters: 29% Wives: 23% Husbands: 13% Sons: 9% Estimated ratio of Americans 65 and over 1990: One in 8 2030: One in 5 Expected length of caregiving Raising a child: 17 years Elderly care: 18 years Proportions of adult child caregivers 1992: 36% 1997: 40% Proportions of caregivers under age 65 1992: 47% 1997: 53% Those who reduced their work hours to give care 1992: 18% 1997: 43% Nonwhite non·white n. A person who is not white. non  white adj. caregivers 1992: 14% 1997: 18% IN L.A.: Caregivers by percentages According to the Los Angeles Caregiver Resource Center from a group of 4,000 clients. Sandwich generation: 1630 (40%) All others: 60% Sandwich generation includes daughters, sons and daughters and sons-in-law who care for their parents. SUPPORT GROUPS The Los Angeles Caregiver Resource Center (213) 740-8711 or (800) 540-4442 Children of Aging Parents , L.A. (310) 476-9777, ext. 568 Center for Aging Research and Evaluation, Granada Hills Community Hospital (818) 366-1967 Northridge Hospital Medical Center Northridge Hospital Medical Center is a hospital in the Northridge town of Los Angeles, California, USA. It is currently operated by Catholic Healthcare West. History The hospital was founded in 1955 by Dr. (818) 885-8500, ext. 3774 Alzheimer's Association, L.A. (800) 272-3900 or E-mail: infoalz.org Family Caregiver Alliance, San Francisco Phone: (415) 434-3388 E-mail: infocaregiver.org Website: http://www.caregiver.org National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke The National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke is a part of the U.S. National Institutes of Health. The NINDS conducts and supports research on brain and nervous system disorders. Created by the U.S. Phone: (301) 496-5751 Alzheimer's Disease Education and Referral Center (301) 495-3311 or (800) 438-4380 CAPTION(S): 9 Photos, 2 Boxes PHOTO (1--2--Color) Ellen Sperling, top, of West Hills wipes away tears as she describes the difficulty of caring for her father while raising her own family. Above, Sperling plays with son Blake while visiting her father, Maurice Chernin. (3--Color) Chernin, 75, suffers from both Parkinson's and Alzheimer's diseases. (4--Color) Dr. Meril Platzer, left, conducts an examination of 75-year-old Maurice Chernin at her office as his daughter, Ellen Sperling, observes the procedure. Chernin suffers from Parkinson's and Alzheimer's diseases. (5--Color) Tyler Sperling, 3, tells his grandfather about a recent pony ride during a visit to the assisted-living facility where Chernin is a resident. (6--Color) Sperling now has to pay the bills for her father, whose illnesses have rendered him incapable of doing so. (7--8--Color) Left, Sperling helps her father with his birthday cake as she and other family members sing ``Happy Birthday.'' Above, Chernin holds a tattered photograph of himself as a small boy. (9--Color) Sperling kisses her father on a visit to the assisted-living facility where Chernin is a resident. She is a member of the sandwich generation: baby boomers caring for their children and for elderly parents. Photos by Hans Gutknecht / Daily News BOX: (1) Alzheimer's and Parkinson's: A Closer Look at the Diseases (see text) (2) CARE: AT WHAT COST (see text) Dionisio Munoz/Daily News |
|
||||||||||||||
Printer friendly
Cite/link
Email
Feedback
Reader Opinion