THE BATTLE IS ON LIKE DONKEY KONG.

Byline: GLENN WHIPP 

>FILM CRITIC

Forget about Lord Voldemort and Megatron.

The biggest movie villain this summer looks like Kenny Loggins (circa "House at Pooh Corner"), possesses cloak-and-dagger artistry that would put Jason Bourne to shame and wears really, really ugly ties.

He also holds the world record at playing Donkey Kong. Or he did. It depends on who you ask.

That there is a controversy (admittedly, one that's followed by, oh, 23 people) over who actually has racked up the most points playing an old-school video game is among the more amusing revelations in the entertaining, if extremely slanted documentary "The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters."

The movie pits the evil Billy Mitchell against newcomer Steve Wiebe, a middle-age family man introduced here as a lifetime loser, the kind of guy who gets laid off the day he signs the loan papers on his house. Director Seth Gordon features approximately 939 references to the fact that Wiebe has "never reached that pinnacle" and "always comes up short."

After being laid off from his job, Wiebe retreats to his garage and starts to play Donkey Kong. Because he's either autistic (his mother's diagnosis) or obsessive compulsive (his wife's), Wiebe turns out to be a champion player and ends up breaking Mitchell's long-time record in a game almost tragically interrupted by his toddler's request to wipe his bottom. (Really. It's on tape.)

But our hero can't catch a break because the Evil Empire of gaming, Twin Galaxies, disallows his record. This sends Wiebe on a quest to reclaim his crown, erase a lifetime of near-misses and meet his nemesis, Mitchell, face to face.

The mere fact that Donkey Kong players can have nemeses, much less disciples (Mitchell's protege is a delusional narc), makes "King of Kong" an eye-opening, hilarious look at a subculture populated by Peter Pans.

The movie is weighted, almost to the point of absurdity, for us to root for good guy Wiebe and despise Mitchell. Best touch: A Mitchell montage set to Leonard Cohen's sinister "Everybody Knows." A close second: Mitchell saying, "Whatever I say draws controversy ... kind of like the abortion issue."

But I doubt Mitchell really minds playing the heavy. "King of Kong" will add to his self-created aura and probably let him tack another zero onto his appearance fees. Everybody wins -- except for Mario.

The monkey gets him every time.

Glenn Whipp, [phone]

[e-mail]

THE KING OF KONG: A FISTFUL OF QUARTERS - Three stars

>PG-13: brief sexual reference.

>Director: Seth Gordon.

>Running time: 1 hr. 24 min.

>Playing: Landmark's Nuart Theater in West Los Angeles.

>In a nutshell: Doc casts the battle for Donkey Kong world record as an epic struggle of good against evil. Needless to say, it's pretty funny.

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Steve Wiebe is cast as a perennial life loser out to become a winner, at least at Donkey Kong. The documentary, "The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters," chronicles his attempts to win the title of champ from his nemesis.