TALK ABOUT DUMB AS A `ROCK'.Byline: Bob Strauss Film Critic nIt sounds redundant, but it's true: We're at the bottom of this summer's stupid teen comedy barrel. Yes, it's hard to imagine that anything like an upper level of this cycle ever existed, but ``Detroit Rock City'' is evidence that dumb, cartoonish, vulgar comedy can be even worse when it's done (jargon) When It's Done - A manufacturer's non-answer to questions about product availability. This answer allows the manufacturer to pretend to communicate with their customers without setting themselves any deadlines or revealing how behind schedule the product really is. poorly. The problem here not only rests on director Adam Rifkin's hyperactive but derivative music movie style (lots of low, distorting angles, speed changes and other tricks that were really cool back when the Beatles made ``A Hard Day's Night''). It's also a result of choosing the wrong, wrong, wrong rock icon for its high school lunkheads to deify de·i·fy tr.v. dei·fied, dei·fy·ing, dei·fies 1. To make a god of; raise to the condition of a god. 2. To worship or revere as a god: deify a leader. 3. : KISS. By no means worthy of cinematic immortality, not even as good a choice for anarchic idolatry Idolatry Aaron responsible for the golden calf. [O.T.: Exodus 32] Ashtaroth Canaanite deities worshiped profanely by Israelites. [O.T. as the Ramones were in the much funnier ``Rock 'n' Roll rock 'n' roll: see rock music. High School,'' the aggressively fake clown act is held up here (I think sincerely, although it's often hard to tell whether Rifkin's trying to be funny or is shamelessly pandering to adolescent narcissism narcissism (närsĭs`ĭzəm), Freudian term, drawn from the Greek myth of Narcissus, indicating an exclusive self-absorption. In psychoanalysis, narcissism is considered a normal stage in the development of children. ) as the true champions of rebel rock spirit. Assaulted by bluenosed alarmists on one side and insufferable disco creeps on the other, the film's protagonists never lose their faith in fright makeup and spandex as the teen spirit grail. Our heroes are four Ohio schoolboys, circa 1978, who've just gotta get to the big KISS concert at Detroit's Cobo Hall. Of course, all authority figures on Earth unite to keep the guys from their goal. The worst offender is shrill Mrs. Bruce (Lin Shaye, last seen as Cameron Diaz's sun-broiled neighbor in ``There's Something About Mary''), a God-fearing single mother who's obviously a hypocrite because she chain-smokes. She terrorizes her otherwise good-natured son Jam (Sam Huntington) with her anti-KISS hysteria, going so far as to lock him away in a prisonlike parochial school to insulate him from devil music. Luckily, Jam's buddies come up with a brilliant plan to bust him out. It involves a pizza topped with psilocybin mushrooms, very much in this summer's tradition of cinematic baked goods abuse. Soon, Jam is on the road to Motown with worrywart wor·ry·wart n. One who worries excessively and needlessly. Noun 1. worrywart - thinks about unfortunate things that might happen fuss-budget, fusspot, worrier Lex See yacc. 1. (tool) Lex - A lexical analyser generator for Unix and its input language. There is a GNU version called flex and a version written in, and outputting, SML/NJ called ML-lex. (Giuseppe Andrews), dim-bulb metalhead met·al·head n. Slang A fan of heavy metal music: "metalheads being hoisted aloft and hurled across the arena floor" Darrell Laurant. Noun 1. Trip (James De Bello) and their clique's de facto [Latin, In fact.] In fact, in deed, actually. This phrase is used to characterize an officer, a government, a past action, or a state of affairs that must be accepted for all practical purposes, but is illegal or illegitimate. leader, Hawk (Edward Furlong, wearing what appears to be the same army jacket he had on in ``Terminator 2''). They think they've won tickets to the sold-out show, but when that doesn't pan out, each boy goes off to earn scalper's rates or otherwise sneak in. Hawk tries to win a male striptease contest (the requisite upchuck sequence is incorporated here), hulking hulk·ing also hulk·y adj. Unwieldy or bulky; massive. hulking Adjective big and ungainly Adj. 1. Trip figures he'll just beat up some little kid and steal his ticket, etc. One admirable thing that can be said of Carl Dupre's broad, coincidence-weighted script is that at least it's not unduly sex-obsessed. Each one of the boys inadvertently scores with a lady - some carnally, others emotionally - but none of them view it as the be-all and end-all be all and end all or be-all and end-all n. The quintessential or all-important element: "Not that the more spectacular athleticism is the be all and end all of free skating. Spins . . . of their existence. Idiotically, though, getting into the concert serves that particular plot purpose. And when we all finally see KISS' spontaneous, musically adventurous, aesthetically stirring performance, well, all that's left to say to these four intrepid young men, as we yell back at the screen, is: Hey, you asked for it. THE FACTS The film: ``Detroit Rock City'' (R; drug use, language, violence, nudity, sex). The stars: Edward Furlong, Sam Huntington, James De Bello, Giuseppe Andrews, Melanie Lynskey, Lin Shaye, Natasha Lyonne, Shannon Tweed, KISS. Behind the scenes: Directed by Adam Rifkin. Written by Carl V. Dupre. Produced by Gene Simmons, Barry Levine and Kathleen Haase. Released by New Line Cinema. Running time: One hour, 34 minutes. Playing: Citywide. Our rating: Two stars. CAPTION(S): Photo Photo: Good-natured KISS devotee Jam (Sam Huntington, left) is terrorized by his shrill, anti-KISS mother (Lin Shaye) in ``Detroit Rock City.'' |
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