Stuck in the middle. (Life).

How to stop getting caught in the crosswinds of your parents' stormy marriage...

Divorce. Most kids definitely dread the thought of the big D happening in their families. The prospect of your parents splitting up can be pretty harsh. But what some kids in fighting families know is that, sometimes, the idea of divorce seems a whole lot better than being stuck in the middle of the 'rents' roller-coaster relationship.

"The worst," claims Dana, 14, "is when my parents fight and my mother says, 'Tell your dad to start dinner,' or my father says, 'Tell your mother I'm not waiting for her."' As long as she can remember, Dana has been the gobetween. And it doesn't get any easier. Each time she is told to deliver a message from one parent to the other, she gets extremely anxious because, "I'm the one who ends up getting yelled at."

For Britney, 11, the worst part of her parents' fighting is when her mother badmouths her father. "She talks about how lazy he is, and I have to listen to it," Britney explains. "I hate it. But I'd rather

have her yelling to me about my dad than yelling at him. I feel like maybe I'm making things better for him."

Unfortunately, many kids are in situations similar to Dana's and Britney's. Parents who can no longer tolerate each other often expect their kid to play the role of messenger or supportive listener. And it can be tempting for girls to comply in hopes of easing the tension. They might even figure, like Britney, "It's better if Mom calms down by talking to me before she yells at Dad."

But here's the part girls like Dana and Britney--and maybe even you--don't realize: It is not your job to be the buffer in your parents' marriage. It is not your responsibility to even attempt to make things better. How your parents relate to each other should have nothing to do with you. They're the adults. Your role is to be the kid and steer clear of their adult matters.

What if it seems too late to back out now? After all, you've been doing this for months, maybe years, and everyone knows the drill. Angie, 19, grew up feeling stuck in the middle and says, "I did not even know there was an option. I had lived in this triangle for years, trying to calm my parents down when they fought, and I thought it was normal for a kid to do that."

That's the thing about being mixed up in the 'rents' messed-up marriage. Some girls don't even realize they're bearing more than their share of the burden. But feeling the weighty pressure of holding your parents' relationship together can affect your health and wellbeing. You might even experience stressrelated symptoms, such as headaches, stomachaches, sleeplessness or anxiety.

If you're bogged down by your parents' marital problems, tell them. If they try to skate around the issue, stand firm: You might say, "I feel nervous when you ask me to be the go-between," or, "It makes me sad when you say bad things about each other. Can you, please, leave me out of it from now on?" Don't back down--you need to take care of you. Hopefully, your parents will get it.

If not, repeat your declaration each time they try to dump on you. And don't expect to see change right away--unhealthy habits can be difficult to break. So plan on telling them over and over until you see a difference.

It will feel weird at first, especially if you've been in the middle for a long time. Just remind yourself that you are taking care of yourself once and for all. For better or worse, your parents will have to deal with each other directly.

If they continue to maintain this messy triangle, try to get a trusted teacher, guidance counselor or relative to intervene on your behalf. In the meantime, keep yourself busy with the stuff kids are supposed to be occupied with--like having the best summer ever!