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Strongly against everything ...

A young lady just rang to ask if I was interested in antioxidants. "Passionately," I said, and she told me she was happy to hear it, because she wanted to tell me about the antioxidants in NescafA.

"We hear a lot about the benefits of antioxidants these days," I ruminated, "but there is nobody speaking up for the oxidants. We would, after all, have no need for antioxidants if there were no oxidants, an indisputable fact for which I have always felt that oxidants never receive the credit they deserve."

"Be that as it may," she said, "most people do not realise the antioxidant antioxidant, substance that prevents or slows the breakdown of another substance by oxygen. Synthetic and natural antioxidants are used to slow the deterioration of gasoline and rubber, and such antioxidants as vitamin C (ascorbic acid), butylated hydroxytoluene  benefit of coffee in general and NescafA in particular and..."

But before she could continue, I found myself interrupting somewhat ungallantly, with a thought that had suddenly occurred to me: "If coffee contains antioxidants, does instant coffee contain instant antioxidants?" I asked. "If it doesn't, I fear it could lead to you making and drinking the coffee before the antioxidants arrive, leaving them turning up late when the cup is empty and being flushed away with the washing up."

"I'm sure that doesn't happen," she said. "In fact, the benefits of the antioxidants in NescafA..."

But my mind was becoming absorbed with a topic I had introduced earlier. "It's a bit like antibiotics and probiotics, I suppose," I said. "I remember a couple of years ago when several probiotic pro·bi·ot·ic
A dietary supplement containing live bacteria or yeast that supplements normal gastrointestinal flora, given especially after depletion of flora caused by infection or ingestion of an antibiotic drug.
 foods appeared on the market, the antibiotics were furious. 'We are performing a valuable function fighting disease', they said, 'and our biotic biotic /bi·ot·ic/ (bi-ot´ik)
1. pertaining to life or living matter.

2. pertaining to the biota.

1. Relating to life or living organisms.
 opponents ought not to be allowed to call in a mercenary mercenary

Hired professional soldier who fights for any state or nation without regard to political principles. From the earliest days of organized warfare, governments supplemented their military forces with mercenaries.
 force of probiotics to support them.'

Outright war was only averted when a probiotic spokesorganism came up with a peace plan involving the partition of the biotic empire into separate regions of influence for the antibiotic and probiotic movements. Of course, if the antioxidants were to join forces with the antibiotics, it could force the oxidants into an alliance with the probiotics, leading to a drastic increase in tension."

"I hadn't thought of it like that," my caller replied, "but I am sure that drinking a cup of..."

"And where, we must ask ourselves," I interrupted again, "do the antiperspirants fit into all this? Given the potential power of the antibiotic and antioxidant alliance, they would find it hard not to sign up for a grand, anti-everything league, finally giving up the position of neutrality they have held for so long, thanks to there being nobody specifically marketing perspirants as such. Come to think of it, with the antibiotic and antioxidant alliance calling themselves the AAA, as they surely will, this seems bound to drive the other AAA, the Amateur Athletic Association The Amateur Athletic Association of England (formerly simply the Amateur Athletic Association) or AAA (pronounced 'three As') is the oldest athletics organization in the UK, having been established in 1880. , into the arms of the probiotics and oxidants, and since athletics is a highly effective way of producing perspiration perspiration: see sweat.

Fluid given off by the skin as vapour by simple evaporation or as sweat actively secreted from sweat glands to evaporate and cool the body.
, that makes it even more likely the antiperspirants will join the other antis. Very worrying. I think I need a cup of coffee."

"Antioxidant NescafA?" she offered. "No," I said: "I hate instant coffee." And we left it at that.

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Publication:Gulf Daily News (Manama, Bahrain)
Date:Mar 22, 2011
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