Strength to fill life's voids.

She's come back from pain and despair. And now Christian recording artist Patty Cabrera knows where real power is found.

Patty Cabrera sits in her sparsely furnished living room in Riverside, California, sipping apple juice and explaining. "This is where I rehearse," she says, nodding toward the bare floor and the mirrored wall behind the grand piano. "That's why there aren't any tables."

A day past her twenty-eighth birthday, Patty has a singing career revving into high gear. She has a contract with Curb Records, two publicists, a producer, and a personal assistant, and in May was featured in People magazine as one of the "50 Most Beautiful People in the World 1996." It's heady stuff, but Patty approaches it with a strong focus on what's most important in her life.

"Being a Christian is about being very real," she says. "When you know the power of God, it's because you've been in the depths. I know what I've been through, and I know now what the power of God is."

Six years ago, when Patty released her first album, she was a neophyte in the world of music, with a record deal that had come more by accident than design. Word Records heard of her "through the grapevine," she says, and sent a scout to hear her in person during a college chapel program." Three days later I was back in my dorm at Pacific Union College and the company asked me to sign on the label," she recalls.

Looking back, having a record contract "seemed like this really cool thing," she remembers, "but I didn't know what it meant." So in the summer of 1990 she found herself in North Hollywood, California, choosing a group of songs to put on a record. The album, containing what she considered to be 10 "safe" ballads, was released in English and Spanish the next spring, and not long after her college graduation she began touring as a Christian recording artist.

No Answers

"All of a sudden I became this person who was going to sing to a churchful of people, to be like their spiritual leader for the evening," says Patty. "I was to give them answers to questions in their lives when I had no idea what they were for my own life. I was 22 years old. I didn't know what a personal relationship with God was. I had a world of questions in front of me, and all of sudden I was to have the answers."

Taking her work seriously, though, Patty learned the role quickly. "I began reading and memorizing cool passages for nice little segues between songs," she says. "I did that for almost two years, and I got really good at it. But I felt like someone was going to call my bluff. I felt like I was being fake. I didn't really know what I was talking about."

At the same time Patty was maturing musically, but in a different direction than the company had in mind. "It soon came to me that I couldn't do 10 ballads in a row," she explains. "I was putting myself to sleep. I wanted to do things that celebrated my culture more. There came a point where I didn't want to do one more concert. I wanted to throw in the towel."

The record company's phone call telling her she'd been dropped from the label came, then, as a relief. It was "a bittersweet answer to prayer," she admits. "I didn't have to grow up spiritually in the public eye."

Empty Inside

Freed from the obligation to spend much of her time on the road, Patty dived into the more settled life she'd given up for music, taking walks with her mother and getting into a serious dating relationship. But deep questions about life and faith--questions pushed down by her life on the road--grew stronger and more urgent. "I'd grown up in church, but I didn't have any peace," says Patty. "I had questions about life, about what spirituality is, about what a personal relationship with God is. What brought me to these questions is that I began to feel so empty.

"Things went downhill for me so fast," Patty continues. "Nothing in my life was making me feel like I wanted to get up in the morning. All my life I'd been in control, so when I realized that I could not control this feeling of emptiness and despair that was creeping into me, it really freaked me out. I would wake up and feel like crying and not know why.

"I had this obsession with wanting to understand life, to find meaning," Patty says. "I kept a journal through all this time--it's locked away now! It was a journal of crying and weeping and calling out to God: `God, I don't even know You, but I know somehow You've got to be my Saviour.'"

Life-changing Moment

Patty recalls the darkest times. She remembers being in a large room and experiencing what felt like tunnel vision. "I was so scared, and I didn't know what I was so scared about," she says. "I stood in the aisle, trying to find the exit, and all I could do was say to myself, `Left foot forward, right foot forward, and you'll be able to walk out of here.'"

In the summer of 1994 Patty experienced the power of God in a way that changed her life. "I felt utter weakness and said, `Oh, my God, I need You.' When I felt that power of God come over me, all I could do was say, `Thank You, God.' From that moment on I felt relief. It was like turning down the electricity, the anxiety. My questions didn't disappear, but I was given a formula for working through them," she says.

Getting back into the world of music was far from Patty's mind when music literally sought her out through the people of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. "They had used two songs from my first album on a video for Billy Graham's 1992 Latin-American crusade," says Patty. In late 1993 they began calling her again. "Patty, we'd like something new," they'd say. "When are your new records coming out?"

"Well, I really don't have anything going on that I can show you," Patty replied truthfully, since she no longer had a recording contract. But "they called me consistently for nine months," she recalls. "The world is full of great writers. Why did they keep calling me?" Though she had no formal musical plans, Patty had begun to write songs with a record producer. When she mentioned the calls, he phoned the Billy Graham people right away. "I'm her producer, and we'll get something to you," he promised, and dropped the demos in the mail.

A Gift and an Outlook

A few days later the Billy Graham people called back. "We'd like Patty to write a song specifically for the Puerto Rico crusade," they said. "Have her write a song for the unbeliever with a European ballad feel."

"I'd never really written a song," Patty admits. "But my producer gave me a music track. I went to my parents' house, and about midnight I set up the computer and said this prayer `God, I've never really done this. Billy Graham could have chosen anybody in this world, even the secular world. Why they are picking me, I don't know. But I guess You've got it figured out.'

"I wrote the song in about an hour. It was truly a gift. We sent the song off to the Billy Graham people, and they gave us a phone call within 24 hours. They were so excited. It was exactly what they had in their minds."

Along with the gift of a song, God gave Patty an outlook of humility. "I prayed, `God, whatever You have in mind for me musically, please help me to have the heart of David in that,'" she says. "`If something happens that I'm in front of thousands of people someday, may I mirror all the praise to You.'

"About two minutes after I finished my prayer, I got a call from my booking agency," Patty recalls. "They said, `The Billy Graham organization wants you to come out to Puerto Rico and perform live, by satellite.' The viewership was going to be about 5 million people. I started crying. My agent was laughing. He had no idea what had been going on in my life."

God was opening the door to a second career in music. Now signed by the Curb Records label, she sings for the Christian and pop markets in English and Spanish. Her new album, Always and Forever, released in 1996 in both languages, reflects her growing maturity both as an artist and as a person. "I'm no longer afraid to address real issues," she says. "I wanted this record to go on the pop market. I knew I wasn't going to compromise what I believe in and where I'm coming from spiritually. You can't go away from this record without knowing that God is the foundation of my life."

Vibrant Lifestyle

One area in which Patty refuses to compromise is health. Her agents have turned down lucrative contracts because they want to keep her image and reality consistent. She turned down a Pepsi deal because the soft drink contains caffeine, something she doesn't drink. She's also a vegetarian, preferring the rice and beans she grew up on, and pasta. "The only reason animals are in this world is for our enjoyment," she believes. "We don't have to eat them."

An outdoor enthusiast, Patty trained in college with the women's basketball team at a state university before quitting because the game schedule interfered with her belief in Sabbath rest on Saturday. Today her favorite times are spent outside with her dogs. "If I fly a kite, they go nuts," she says. "I'll spend an hour just keeping it in flight. They try to jump it when it comes in low. It's one of the purest joys I have in this life.

"A tiny Boston terrier puppy nips at the stereo cables connecting the speakers to a stack of recording equipment. Patty reconnects it. "People are always asking me where I want to be five years from now," she says. "I absolutely don't care. If my voice were taken from me tomorrow, I wouldn't fret. I've learned so much."

Patty looks intent but happy, her brown eyes sparkling. "This is the first time since I was a lot younger that I have felt content," she says. "I'm acutely aware that God is my life force." That knowledge "hasn't come without a ton of bumps and bruises," she admits. "But it is so ever-present.

"I respect my career because it is what God is using me for," Patty concludes. "I am at peace."