Stormy Weber ...

Our publisher's name has always been Bruce Weber. And he has always seemed quite content about it. True, Bruce Weber isn't as sweet and lovely as Packy McFarland or even Paolino Uzcudan, two old-time boxers with colorful handles. But you get used to such disappointments in life.

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We thought our Bruce Weber was handling it well. And, then, he started complaining. Too many Bruce Webers had starting coming out of the woodwork to bollix up his life--as well as the deliveries from hundreds of post offices.

Mind you, we are talking about the special breed of Bruce Webers--the ones without a middle initial or two b's in the Webber. To all of the good old Bruce Webers who have been getting each other's mail, and going crazy about it:

Looking for a world-famous photographer? A famous museum curator? A professional writer? A great painter? A famous coach? A ...

You defy us to name a great coach named Bruce Weber? Well, how about the the basketball coach at Ilinois? All he did was guide the Illini to a remarkable 37-2 record that included the Big 10 Championship, regular season No. 1 ranking, and a spot in the NCAA Championship game - in just his second season.

When the new Bruce Weber arrived at Illinois two summers ago, the old Bruce Weber (our publisher) sent him a congratulatory note and an invitation to write an article for us.

The new Bruce Weber responded with a friendly hand-written note: "It would be great having an article in Scholastic Coach written by Bruce Weber, as told to Bruce Weber, with photos by Bruce Weber. Thanks for your good wishes and, by the way, I have a middle initial, B. It stands for Britt."

Since all of the Bruce Webers are graduates of the same joke book, our Bruce Weber was ready for the Illinois's Bruce Weber. His email to him:

"Thanks for your note, but it made me insanely jealous. I never had a middle initial. My parents were so poor they couldn't afford one.

"I've decided to borrow a middle initial for this special occasion. Sincerely, Bruce Weber."

To help our Bruce Weber, we went on eBay to bid on a middle initial. No such luck. Not a J, R, L, or even a Z to be had. So anyone willing to lend a hand, er, middle initial, feel free to send them to: Bruce? Weber.

FRIENDSHIP ...

We enjoy most of the fairy tales we read in the Sunday supplements and sports magazines. They can be amusing, entertaining, and, every once in a while, touching.

The way we were by an anecdote in a book called Coaches, published by Stackpole Books, Mechanicsburg, PA.

From an interview with Carlton Lewis, football coach at West Point (GA):

"I grew up in Columbus, GA, where I played baseball and basketball at the local high school. I then matriculated at Georgia Tech, played both sports, graduated in 1942, and went straight into the Navy. Over the next four years, I sailed the oceans hunting subs.

"When I got out in 1946, I returned to Columbus and got a teaching job in the high school. I had no intention of coaching. But the football coach asked me to help out, and I accepted.

"His name was Kid Cecil and he taught me everything I know about football. He and the other football coach, Dickie Butler, were good buddies and great coaches. Every Sunday afternoon, they used to drive down to the banks of the Chattahoochie River and talk football.

"They invited me to come with them. They talked football and I smoked cigarettes and listened. They were both about 50 and I was 26. They sat up front and I sat in the back. No one else ever joined us.

"After I became the head football at West Point High School (GA), I didn't see them as much, but we maintained a relationship. I coached for 24 years and won three state championships and finished up 185-71-4.

"There'd be times in the middle of a game when I'd suddenly realize that I could handle a tough problem because Kid Cecil or Dickie Butler had once explained it to me.

"Like: The defense splits a man out to the left and another to the right. What do you do? And I'd hear a voice way back in my mind: When anyone splits their receivers on you, change from a six-man line to a five-man line and cover those wide receivers.

"I'd go down to the Chattahoochie River bank on weekends to be with them and ask questions. Or I'd phone them from West Point.

"They'd always help me."

ALMIGHTY GUARDS ...

Among the more intriguing sidebars of Hoops 2005 had to be the battle of words between a couple of big-game guards: Stephon Marbury (present) and Bob Cousy (past).

Question: "Who would you call the 'purest' point guard in the history of mankind?"

Marbury (humbly): "Me."

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And so the battle was joined. But how do you settle such a ridiculous question? You don't. You simply call on a couple of experts and ask for opinions. If you're lucky, you may get an intelligent answer.

The audience in our case was lucky. They got themselves an all-world guru to settle the argument. His name? Bob Cousy. The perfect mediator. He had invented the position of "pure guard." He had quarterbacked six NBA championship teams and amassed 8,000 assists. He was a man with great cool, articularity, and subjectivity.

The words of Cooz:

"Marbury is an outstanding player, but I have a problem accepting him as the ultimate point guard. He is actually a #2 guard with a lot of #1 skills.

"There have been very few pure #1 guards--players who can set up the offense, keep the ball moving, and get the most out of the four other players. I can name only four pure #1 guards: Magic Johnson, John Stockton, Jason Kidd, and Pete Maravich.

"Pete was about 6-3 or 6-4, with great hands, great moves, great speed, and great agility. He might have been better than all of us, but he was always locked in with a bad team that needed his 40 points to stay competitive.

"Then you have John Stockton, who made a career of getting 100% out of every player on the floor.

"I was the most fortunate guy ever to play the game. I always had at least six Hall of Famers on my side.

"The question of who was the best is silly. Did anyone ever hear Michael Jordan, John Stockton, or Larry Bird say he was the best in anything?

"Of course not. They went out and won games and let everyone else tell the world how great they were."