Stop this in memory of me.

The inmate seated at the head of the table in the small counseling room at the U.S. Federal Penitentiary in Allenwood, Pennsylvania wore chains about his torso and feet. The tears that splattered his manacled hands resting on the table before him were a sign of his remorse for the crime that had placed him on death row.

"If only I knew why I killed Andrew," he said over and over again. "He was no threat to me. Why did I do that? Why did I take his life? I know God has forgiven me, but I can't forgive myself."

My friend Edward Doherty and I had made the four-hour trip from New York in response to a letter addressed to our Cherish Life Circle--a group of sisters, priests, and laypeople who circulate the Declaration of Life, which expresses the signer's absolute opposition to capital punishment.

The inmate requested two things of our circle: prayers--for himself, for his victim Andrew Marti, and for the Marti family--and a spiritual guide to accompany him during the final phase of his life.

David Paul Hammer has spent 21 of his 40 years on earth behind bars. He was in solitary confinement when he strangled the prisoner assigned to his cell.

He asked us: "Why did you decide to take this long trip to visit me?"

"It was the tone of your letter, David," I replied. "You took full responsibility for Andrew's murder and the other crimes you've committed before that. It was your deep remorse that brought us to you."

Ed explained that remorse is the first step on the road to repentance. Repentance paves the way for forgiveness and the possibility of reconciliation and inner peace so needed by this tortured killer.

David's first letter expressed his desire to die as a way of bringing peace to Marti's family. Ed suggested that living a converted life, rather than surrendering it to the state, would provide him with a better avenue for reconciliation with Marti's family.

"I can't believe God wills your execution," he said. Ed reminded David of the story of the prodigal son, assuring him that God's capacity to forgive is far greater than any evil anyone is capable of committing. As graced as this day was, it never seemed more so than when David expressed a desire for Confession. Ed was able to offer the sacrament.

But a person's conversion, while most desirable, is not the reason for opposing executions. Not every murderer repents of his or her crime. Opposing capital punishment is not about rewarding those who do; it is the expression of a fierce conviction that all life--not only innocent life--is sacred.

Pope John Paul II has refined church teaching on the death penalty, moving it from approval to condemnation, as happened previously with warfare and slavery. He has repeatedly called for an end to the death penalty and inspired others to work for a moratorium on capital punishment.

With human redemption at the heart of the Easter mystery, how is it that good men and women who share the same faith and are nourished by the same Eucharist are so divided on this issue?

Appreciation of the sacredness of all life rightfully encourages believers to protect and defend it. While wanting to do the right thing, outrage and fear influence people's sense of justice, as much as do longings for forgiveness and redemption.

With each plea from the pope and other spiritual leaders, the church invites us to take another look at our convictions in view of the instruction Jesus gave to his disciples at the first Eucharist: "Do this in remembrance of me." In every circumstance of our lives we cry out for grace and mercy when we ask: "What ought we to do in remembrance of Jesus?"

Five years ago, during the trial of Susan Smith, the South Carolina woman who drowned her two young sons, a billboard on a major Staten Island, New York thoroughfare personified one man's thirst for vengeance. He depicted an extended arm holding the severed head of Smith. In large black letters next to the painting were these words: "Susan Smith murdered her two babies. I say cut her @&#* head off."

Beneath the billboard three women and two men stood holding a statement that read: "Hatred and revenge destroy the human spirit."

Which message is better proclaimed in memory of Jesus?

By SISTER CAMILLE D'ARIENZO, R.S.M., president of the Brooklyn Regional Community of the Sisters of Mercy of the Americas and president of the Leadership Conference of Women Religious.