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Son wears my bra and pants.

I HAVE recently found some of my underwear in my 12-year-old son's bed. I got a real shock and just sat looking at it for a long time.

All kinds of thoughts were racing through my head: whether I should mention it to him and if I did, what I should say to him.

Well, I decided to take the bull by the horns to grapple with a difficulty instead of avoiding it.
- W. D.Howells.

See also: Bull
. I chose a moment when we were in a good mood and I asked him about it. He confessed that he's been dressing up in my bra and panties pant·ie or pant·y  
n. pl. pant·ies
Short underpants for women or children. Often used in the plural.

[Diminutive of pant2.
 from time to time, ever since he was about 10.

I didn't want to make a big fuss and risk ruining our relationship. I want him to be able to feel he can come to me with anything in the future.

I'm a woman of the world but I'm not sure how to handle this one. Is it part of starting puberty puberty (py`bərtē), period during which the onset of sexual maturity occurs.  early? Is his behaviour normal? What do I do next? I haven't mentioned it to his dad - I don't think he'd understand. I'm so confused.

YOU'RE a lovely, caring mum and quite right not to make a fuss. I think, probably for now, you're best not to mention it to your husband if you think he'd rant and rave, as some men might.

Your son's behaviour is really a normal part of growing up. It's part of his awakening sexual awareness as he approaches puberty.

He probably dressed up in your underwear as an experiment. He's likely to be bewildered by the thought of girls and may have felt he'd get close and understand more about them if he put on your bra and panties.

It's not uncommon at all for children to keep an item of their mum's clothing in their room - a scarf, something silky silky

female spirit who does household chores. [Br. Folklore: Briggs, 364–365]

See : Domesticity

The texture is soft and reminds them of their mum's love and the perfume can make mum feel near if she's not.

I wouldn't say anything to upset him but, if you've not done so already, do have a chat about the facts of life. That way he'll start to feel more comfortable about his body and his sexuality.

I can't give him kids

I'M in love with a wonderful man who's in his forties and he's asked me to marry him.

I'm dying to say yes, but I feel I'll have to admit to my guilty secret first. The problem is I'm in my fifties and I feel one day my man will regret not having children.

Everyone is entitled to have a child and I worry he'll eventually go off with a younger woman. He's young for his age and I'm taken for a much younger woman, but even though he shows me he wants me, won't he change his mind one day?

EVERYTHING in life carries a risk, especially where relationships are concerned. But don't make the mistake of letting your unfounded anxieties take over.

Otherwise there'll be a self- fulfilling prophecy and you'll make yourself and your partner miserable.

There's no easy way round this. You're right - morally you can't deprive your man of a family if he wants one. And just think what would happen to your relationship if he found out he'd been deceived.

For all you know he may be past wanting children. It may not bother him either way. But you'll never know till you ask.

I KEEP telling my boyfriend that there's a difference between safe sex and contraception. He doesn't seem to be able to see the difference.

He says it's good enough for me to be on the Pill, but I say men have to wear a condom 1. condom - The protective plastic bag that accompanies 3.5-inch microfloppy diskettes. Rarely, also used of (paper) disk envelopes. Unlike the write protect tab, the condom (when left on) not only impedes the practice of SEX but has also been shown to have a high failure  as well to avoid sexually-transmitted diseases. There are two separate things here, aren't there?

SAFE sex (wearing a condom) isn't a foolproof way of avoiding pregnancy. Conversely, contraception only stops babies, it doesn't prevent AIDS or STDs.

So to be safe against both pregnancy and disease you should use a contraceptive (the pill, IUD IUD Definition

An IUD is an intrauterine device made of plastic and/or copper that is inserted into the womb (uterus) by way of the vaginal canal. One type releases a hormone (progesterone), and is replaced each year.
, cap) PLUS a condom every time. So, yes, you're right.

The notion of "safe sex" was first promoted in the 1980s as a response to the spread of AIDS. But practising safe sex will help protect you against STDs in general, not just AIDS.

Safe sex is largely a matter of common-sense combined with an awareness of the risks involved in different kinds of sexual activity. All these are high-risk sexual activities:

Any sexual act that draws blood whether intentionally or accidentally.

Anal intercourse Noun 1. anal intercourse - intercourse via the anus, committed by a man with a man or woman
anal sex, buggery, sodomy

sexual perversion, perversion - an aberrant sexual practice;
 without a condom.

Vaginal intercourse without a condom.

Putting fingers into the anus.

Sharing penetrating sex aids.

Slave to lazy lad

MY 17-year-old son has become very selfish. When he was younger he was so willing and helpful. He was always cheerful and jokey jok·ey also jok·y  
adj. jok·i·er, jok·i·est
Characterized by joking or jokes, especially stale or clumsy jokes: jokey bumper stickers.
, in fact a pleasure to be with. My lovely son has become someone I don't recognise any more.

Now he'll only do things for his friends, he'll never help me. I run about after him, clean his room, wash his clothes and lend him money, but I get no thanks.

The other day he kept me waiting in the rain while he played snooker snooker

Variation of English billiards. It is played with 15 red balls and 6 variously coloured balls. Snooker arose, probably in India, as a game for soldiers in the 1870s.
 with his mates.

If I say anything, he says I'm always moaning moan  
a. A low, sustained, mournful cry, usually indicative of sorrow or pain.

b. A similar sound: the eerie moan of the night wind.

2. Lamentation.

. Where have I gone wrong?

YOU haven't gone wrong except to spoil your son rotten and you've made a rod for your own back. He's taking everything and giving nothing. He's never been taught that life's a contract - you do things for him and in return he does things for you.

But it's too late now to make new rules and expect him to co-operate. You could try jolting him into the real world. You could withdraw your labour and let him fend for Verb 1. fend for - argue or speak in defense of; "She supported the motion to strike"
defend, support

argue, reason - present reasons and arguments
 himself. You could also insist he moves out until he starts behaving reasonably.

You don't need to moan, just tell him calmly that you'll no longer be a drudge for him.

Regular sex is a real pain

I'M 19 and I've started to have regular sex. Ever since then I've been prone to cystitis cystitis (sĭstī`tĭs), common acute or chronic inflammation of the urinary bladder. The disease occurs primarily in young women and frequently results from bacterial invasion of the urethra from the adjacent rectum, most commonly with  symptoms, especially if the sex is energetic, but no treatment seems to work.

All the tests I've had done have proved negative and my doctor seems to think that I have an irritable bladder irritable bladder Urge incontinence, see there .

I've heard of honeymoon cystitis honeymoon cystitis Infectious disease A form of nonspecific urethritis caused by local irritation due to prolonged, frequent, recent or first-time sexual activity in ♀ with a low baseline of sexual traffic; damage to the vesicovaginal wall may evoke cystitis,  - could I have that? I know I'm a very anxious person and wonder if nerves could be causing the problem. As no treatment brings relief, what can I do to help myself?

HONEYMOON cystitis, as the name suggests, is usually a one-off thing. Yes, anxiety can make bladder problems worse. An anxious brain will send red-alert messages to the bladder muscle, which becomes sensitive to small amounts of urine and quite twitchy twitch·y  
adj. twitch·i·er, twitch·i·est
1. Characterized by jerky or spasmodic motion: the twitchy whiskers of a cat.

2. Nervous; jittery.
 to empty.

So bringing anxiety under control, not with tranquillisers but with deep muscle and mental relaxation exercises, can help. I'm going to send you my leaflet on relaxation so that you can try to handle the stress in your life. As it happens, I also have a leaflet on Irritable Bladder Syndrome which might give you some useful tips. But your doctor might be able to do a little more for you.

There are drugs which "tranquillise' the bladder and stop it being so irritable irritable /ir·ri·ta·ble/ (ir´i-tah-b'l)
1. capable of reacting to a stimulus.

2. abnormally sensitive to stimuli.

3. prone to excessive anger, annoyance, or impatience.
. Why don't you chat to him and perhaps try one? Start drinking cranberry juice Noun 1. cranberry juice - the juice of cranberries (always diluted and sweetened)
fruit crush, fruit juice - drink produced by squeezing or crushing fruit
 each morning as well.
No portion of this article can be reproduced without the express written permission from the copyright holder.
Copyright 1998 Gale, Cengage Learning. All rights reserved.
Rose Haus (Member): My son wearing bra and panties 3/14/2010 5:38 PM
He will not wear MY bra and panties. That's a definite. That's a period. End of that part. However, since he's curious, I find no problem with accepting his experiencing something new. I'll buy him things he woulr like to try, but he's not wearing mine. Actually mine would be cute in his own bra.

 Reader Opinion




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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:The Mirror (London, England)
Date:Jan 28, 1998
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