Some of the differences between the game of S.K.A.T.E. at my friend Peyton's house and the Eric Koston games of S.K.A.T.E.

WHEN I HEARD that my friend Peyton had started hosting games of S.K.A.T.E. at his house, I couldn't help but think that he was in some way ripping off that one dude Eric Koston. I know that Koston didn't invent the game, but I do think that he has single handedly done more to elevate the sport from a parking lot time killer to a prestigious event which rivals such proud athletic traditions as arena football and indoor roller hockey. So like I said, when I heard that my friend Peyton was hosting games of S.K.A.T.E. as well I thought that in some way he was jumping someone else's train. Until I actually went to one of his games, where I witnessed first hand the glaring differences between the two events. I documented some of the more obvious examples.

1. The headphone microphone PA system

Now I didn't actually attend any of the Eric Koston games, so I'm kind of just guessing here. But I'm pretty damn sure that they don't have a pair of headphones rigged up to serve as the PA system. And even if they do, I'm pretty damn sure they don't have a classically trained vert skater (who also owns a Banana Farm) serving as the MC, which might actually be OK because when the announcer starts saying shit like "switch nollie" the younger kids tend to get a little snotty.

2. 195 Dollars

I don't know how much money you win if you beat Eric Koston at skate, but at Peyton's house if you took grand prize you walked out with a cool 195 bills in your pocket. Which is like, so much fucking money. I know that Koston's game of S.K.A.T.E. has big corporate sponsors and all, but come on ... there's no way they would come up with that kind of loot, right? We're talking about almost a cool $200 up in that bitch. I was surprised Koston himself didn't show up to try and take that box of green home. Dude could have bought a pretty nice basketball jersey with that kind of dough.

3. A big floppy Mickey's Malt Liquor hat

All of the contestants' names were put in this hat and then drawn out randomly to determine the line up of the game. I don't know how they decided the line up at Koston's game, but if it was decided by pulling names out of a big floppy Mickey's Malt Liquor hat then ... Well fuck ... If I'm wrong about that one then I'll walk down to a tattoo parlor and get that damn hornet tattooed on my body right now. I'm not bullshitting. Which would be kind of funny because when I was 19 I really did come dangerously close to getting a Mickey's hornet tattoo. Hey, when you grow up in Seguin, TX, listening to House of Pain can be pretty fucking dangerous.

4. Nine bags of trash next to the course

At Peyton's house they have nine bags of trash next to the official S.K.A.T.E. playing area. I think that's kind of cool. I mean, just having two or three bags of trash laying there in the driveway would do an appropriate job of relaying the "I don't give a fuck" mantra, but nine bags is indeed above and beyond the call of duty. It's like, not only can we not be bothered to remember that it's trash day, but we can't be bothered to remember for months at a time. We gots some flatland to practice, bitch!

5. The old mattress with the raggedy-ass Mexican serape on it

And while we're on the subject of trash, nothing accentuates nine bags of trash in your driveway quite like an old stained mattress with a serape on it chilling in the backyard. It kind of reminded me of a real cheap motel. Like if you knew any young dudes who were looking for a place to make it with their girlfriends you could rent out the mattress in your backyard. For 10 bucks extra you could even throw in a fitted sheet. Man, where the hell is this article going? I better get back to skateboarding before I have mothers writing in letters about my column.

6. A dude named Sewing Machine 

Oh sure, Koston's game might have had some Turtle Boys and some Ragdolls lurking around. It may have even had some Trainwreeks and some Lizard Kings in the audience. Truthfully, I have no idea who the hell was there. But I'm damn sure that Sewing Machine wasn't. You're probably wondering how a dude gets a name like Sewing Machine, right? Well, if I wasn't busy writing this super awesome article about Peyton's game of S.K.A.T.E. I might be able to launch into that tale. But I can't because I'm busy so don't fuck with me about it. OK? Alright, where was I? Shit, actually I think I'm done with this article. So I guess I could have told you how he got that nickname, huh? Fuck it. Now I got something to write about next month.

* Note: If you 're one of those dudes who doesn't give a shit about rambling photo essays that don't have anything to do with skateboarding, then you're in luck. Because I was feeling generous this month and decided to throw you skaterats a bone. So here's a photo of my friend Josh (J-Ro) doing what I'm guessing is a switch tre. I don't know for sure because my friend Seth took the picture and sent it to me in exchange for me typing austinskatenotes.org in my article. Which got me thinking, that anybody else who wants me to promote their website in my articles should feel free to shoot me an email so we can talk about my fees. I gotta find someway to get rich off of this Thrasher gig. Nahmsay'n?