So where is Stevie Cameron when we need her?

There once was a young boy named Alfonsa. He. was a good boy and worked hard to make something of himself. First he ran and was elected to the board of education, and before he knew it he became its chair.

Then he heard the siren call of federal politics and in 1984 he was elected to Parliament in the Quebec riding of St. Lenonard.

In 1988 he rose up against John Turner and declared his loyalty to Jean Chretien not long thereafter.

When the Liberals were elected in 1993 he was supposed to be in the cabinet, but there was the small matter of doing some accounting for a business related to a convicted criminal and alleged mobster. In due course the RCMP was kind enough to clear Alfonso-of any wrongdoing and he came to cabinet, first as minister of labour and shortly thereafter to public works.

In 1994 he was named chief organizer for the Liberal party in Quebec.

Along with Alfonso came his friends.

There was Joseph Morselli, who combines raising money for the Liberals and running restaurants in federal buildings. Then of course there is Jean Marc Bard, the minister's special assistant; Michelle Tremblay, who had to incorporate her own company to handle the amount of money coming her way; and Tom Nanci, a lawyer who specialized in collecting rents for Canada Lands Corp., as if they could not do it themselves.

Then there was Joseph Mignacca, a friend from Alfonso's school board days who became a consultant to the Canada Lands Corp. and was then fired for sending big bills and doing no work. At first Alfonso said that the Canada Lands Corp. had obviously hired Joseph to curry favour with him, given they were friends.

This was Alfonso's first mistake.

It was so preposterous, so outrageous, and such an incredible distortion of the truth, the past president of Canada Lands Corp., Jon Grant, choked when he saw that in print, and began to sing, which is generally not done by past presidents of Crown corporations, even from the safety of retirement.

The real story is that Alfonso called Canada Lands and suggested to the corporation in the kind and gentle way a minister might (say like the prime minister calling a bank, suggesting a loan to people known to him) suggest he be hired.

Alfonso, within days of Grant's public discussion of Alfonso's economy with the truth, forgot the bad Canada Lands people who were trying to curry favour with him and told anyone who cared to listen that yes, he did call Grant, the chairman of Canada lands, and suggest this was a valuable man with 25 years experience in land issues, and yes it would be a good idea for them to hire his man.

Of course, underneath all of this petty stuff is the big money.

One needs friends if you are going to have any influence over who gets to buy the taxpayers land at what kind of discounted price in a closed and non-transparent process.

See Ontario Land Corp. and attendant allegations if you need a primer.

Much to the amusement of the press, Alfonso is waking up today somewhere in downtown Copenhagen wondering what happened to him. We should be happy to have such accomplished ambassadorial representation from our external affairs department.

Alfonso did not understand his role. His role was to raise money for the Liberal party, dispense favours on the taxpayers tab, and not get caught. If you do, you take one for the boss and disappear.

If you do not, the boss will disappear you.

As William Johnson put it beautifully in a Globe and Mail column, Alfonso Gagliano is out. There just was not room in the cabinet for two powerful ministers who use their leverage on Crown corporations to procure benefits for shady associates. And since one was the prime minister, the other had to go.

And so, do we retire to the den with a glass of port and marvel at the prime minister's stunning political agility or stumble to the sink and vomit.

Michael Atkins is the president of Laurentian Publishing.