Skateboarding bowl-troll fails to land any street tricks on his own 'to-do' list.

TULSA, OK -- 39-year-old Alex Fuller, a self-described bowl-barney who hasn't skated street in 17 years, gave up on his own "Tricks to do before I die" list when he failed to complete even one task on his modest itinerary. "I've been doing frontside and backside grinds exclusively since the Vision Street Wear days," said Fuller. "I just wanted to get some other tricks under my belt before I croak."

Fuller dedicated the past year to landing one manual, one kickflip, and one crooked grind. He immediately regretted trying the manual first. His tendency to lean too far back on every attempt led not only to epic Wilsonian slams but also skid-induced razor sharp tail. This came back to haunt him on the kickflip attempts when he sliced open his ankle, Achilles' tendon and, on one particularly harsh credit-card sack, his perineum. By the time he was trying crooked grinds Fuller was merely conducting a pointless carcass-toss. His friends suggested he throw in the towel and Fuller concurred.