Skateboarding's seven deadly sins.BEHAVE YOURSELF. It's not a difficult concept. But can most people do it without the threat of punishment looming over them in this life and the next? The Seven Deadly Sins (R. C. Ch.) willful and deliberate transgressions, which take away divine grace; - in distinction from vental sins. The seven deadly sins are pride, covetousness, lust, wrath, gluttony, envy, and sloth. See also: Sin have been used for centuries to dramatically illustrate the unsavory habits that will send you slip-sliding into damnation. Each sin has a unique punishment awaiting the hellbound; the original after-black hammers. Skateboarding, thankfully, is rules-free. That's the best part about it--no judge or jury. It's a perpetual skate purgatory purgatory (pûrg`ətôr'ē) [Lat.,=place of purging], in the teaching of the Roman Catholic Church, the state after death in which the soul destined for heaven is purified. . Or so you think. The devil is in the details ... Greed (hoarder)--Through divine fortune you are the gatekeeper to a hidden pool or backyard ramp. However, you abuse your authority like a meatheaded shiny-shirt nightclub bouncer and tell the kids to take a hike. Punishment: Beelzebub 86's you from a never-ending legend session Sloth sloth (slōth, slôth), arboreal mammal found in Central and South America distantly related to armadillos and anteaters. Sloths live in tropical forests, where they sleep, eat, and travel through the trees suspended upside down, clinging to (laziness)--Science and engineering have enabled you more free-time to be both constructive and rigorously active than any other generation in history Yet you spend it on snooze patrol, you nap-time Nebuchadnezzar. Punishment: An eternity of bailing a skatable pool that will never drain Gluttony Gluttony See also Greed. Belch, Sir Toby gluttonous and lascivious fop. [Br. Lit.: Twelfth Night] Biggers, Jack one of the best known “feeders” of eighteenth-century England. [Br. Hist. (overindulgence o·ver·in·dulge v. o·ver·in·dulged, o·ver·in·dulg·ing, o·ver·in·dulg·es v.tr. 1. To indulge (a desire, craving, or habit) to excess: overindulging a fondness for chocolate. )--The Law of Diminishing Returns law of diminishing returns n. The tendency for a continuing application of effort or skill toward a particular project or goal to decline in effectiveness after a certain level of result has been achieved. Noun 1. says, at some point, all things will lose their luster and not give you the kick in the pants they once did. You've seen every video, every trick, every photo, but you forgot to ride the board, son. Punishment: A shroud of Ybor City locusts Pride (arrogance)--You fret over your gear and discriminate against perfectly good spots. Yet, your pride merely overlooks the fulfillment of skate prophecy: the disintegration of all boards, body parts and coping. The apocalypse installment plan. Punishment: Everlasting freestyle Envy (jealousy)--A good-natured roll-in barge on friends is one thing. Slithery slith·er v. slith·ered, slith·er·ing, slith·ers v.intr. 1. To glide or slide like a reptile. See Synonyms at slide. 2. To walk with a sliding or shuffling gait. 3. snake-oil showmanship is another. Like so many hissing asps at the feet of the pagan serpent-god Set, thoughts of anyone getting a run but you are too much to bear. Punishment: Padless kneeslides for infinity Wrath (anger)--The Book of Duderonomy 14:43 says "Dost thou spiketh the hoard with stomping and much angst? Mayhaps the plank practitioner is the problem, not the plank." Or was that Shakespeare? Punishment: Your lower lumbar gets focused by a demonic stank-foot Lust (excessive desire)--As if the odors and idiotic banter of the guys around you at the skatepark aren't clues, odds are females will never see your best moves. So, you wait for the demo to roll around to strut your mediocre stuff. Punishment: You're a star to never-aging troll dudes ART BY CHRIS FAIRBANKS TEXT BY ADAM Adam, the first man, in the Bible Adam (ăd`əm), [Heb.,=man], in the Bible, the first man. In the Book of Genesis, God creates humankind in his image as a species of male and female, giving them dominion over other life. CREAGAN |
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