Skate everything.YOU'VE HEARD THAT SAYING "skate everything," right? It's a pretty catchy little phrase. It's supposed to describe a particular attitude of thrashing thrashing: see threshing. Excessive paging in a virtual memory computer. If programs are not written to run in a virtual memory environment, the operating system may spend excessive amounts of time swapping program pages in and out of the disk. where you thrash thrash - To move wildly or violently, without accomplishing anything useful. Paging or swapping systems that are overloaded waste most of their time moving data into and out of core (rather than performing useful computation) and are therefore said to thrash. everything. Not just ramps. Not just rails. Not just ledges. But literally everything. But I've been thinking about this for a while and I've come to the conclusion that you actually shouldn't skate everything. In fact, there are some things in the world that you should absolutely NOT skate. Maybe "skate everything that's skateable" would be a better motto. Or is that too long for a sticker? Anyways an·y·ways adv. Nonstandard In any case. Adv. 1. anyways - used to indicate that a statement explains or supports a previous statement; "Anyhow, he is dead now"; "I think they're asleep; anyhow, they're quiet"; "I , here's some shit that you should never skate. HOBO EXCREMENT excrement /ex·cre·ment/ (eks´kri-mint) 1. feces. 2. excretion (2). ex·cre·ment n. Waste matter or any excretion cast out of the body, especially feces. One time I was skating a ditch underneath a highway overpass. Exactly the type of place where hobos like to camp out. Anyway, while I was skating I accidentally stepped in a pile of hobo excrement and it got all over my griptape. It was super gross and it smelled all sweet and fermented like homemade wine. So from experience, I can safely say that skating hobo excrement is a bad idea. THE ELDERLY Old people break really easily. And they also like to complain about things. Especially people skateboarding skateboarding Form of recreation, popular among youths, in which a person rides standing balanced on a small board mounted on wheels. The skateboard first appeared in the early 1960s on paved areas along California beaches as a makeshift diversion for surfers when the ocean on them. That's two good reasons why you shouldn't skate the elderly. Another really good reason why you shouldn't skate the elderly is because they smell like pee pee Vox populi Micturate, urinate and mothballs. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. But for real, how many elderly people do you think are going to read this? My guess? Pretty much none. WOLVES Are you kidding me? I mean, I know wolves are cool and all. With their fangs and yellow eyes and all that shit. But seriously, don't skate wolves. First of all, you'd probably wind up getting bitten. And two, there's really nothing there to skate. What are you going to do? Switch blunt their tails? That's just stupid. NEW BORN BABY FONTANALLES Do you know what a fontanelle fontanelle /fon·ta·nelle/ (fon?tah-nel´) a soft spot, such as one of the membrane-covered spaces remaining at the junction of the sutures in the incompletely ossified skull of the fetus or infant. is? It's that soft spot on a baby's head. And it's a really, really bad idea to skate that thing. It's all soft and tender and you can do some serious damage to a little baby if you skate it. Even if you stick a helmet on the kid you're probably going to give it brain damage or something. So ... Just don't do that stuff man. Don't be lame. JUNKIE junkie Popular health A popular term for a person, usually an IV narcotic abusing addict, whose life is disorganized vis-á-vis family and societal structure, whose existence revolves around obtaining–often through theft, prostitution or other illicit SYRINGES See, the thing about junkies is that they don't always take the best care of themselves. So if you see some junkie syringes on the ground you just don't know Don't know (DK, DKed) "Don't know the trade." A Street expression used whenever one party lacks knowledge of a trade or receives conflicting instructions from the other party. what type of funk could be lingering around on them. And I know a nosegrind on a junkie syringe sounds pretty punk rock, but you could seriously get AIDS. Which from what I've heard is not a good way to start your week. Or end it. [ILLUSTRATION OMITTED] THE MEGA RAMP I don't know man, that thing just scares the shit out of me. Be careful up there guys. SOCCER MOMS Skating a soccer mom is definitely a bad idea. Her husband would probably turn out to be an attorney and you'd probably get sued and lose all your money and end up having to live in your parent's basement until you're in your 30s. Actually, if you're a skateboarder the chances are pretty good you'll be doing that anyway, so--fuck it. Skate a soccer mom. SACRED INDIAN BURIAL GROUNDS I don't know if you know much about American history. I don't really know that much. But I do know that the Native Americans totally got screwed by the white faced man. So the least you can do is to not skate their sacred burial grounds. And besides, anybody who has seen that Poltergeist poltergeist (pōl`tərgīst) [Ger.,=knocking ghost], in spiritism, certain phenomena, such as rapping, movement of furniture, and breaking of crockery, for which there is no apparent scientific explanation. movie knows that if you piss off piss Vulgar Slang v. pissed, piss·ing, piss·es v.intr. To urinate. v.tr. 1. To urinate on or in. 2. To discharge (blood, for example) in the urine. ghosts, you'll totally get stuck in a television or some shit like that. Sucky city. BARBEQUE I don't know why you would want to skate barbeque, but I don't know why you'd want to spend all day skating flatground either. That's just me though. But anyway, skating barbeque is stupid because you'd probably get barbeque sauce inside of your beatings and all over your grommets and crap like that. Man, I'm really running out of good ideas for this article, huh? Barbeque? That's really not very funny, dude. I know. I'll try harder next time. |
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