Shenanigans! A worm's-eye view of what it takes to get someone I can stand elected president.

MARCH 3, 2012: A REPUBLICAN PARTY CAUCUS IN MY LEGISLATIVE DISTRICT IN NORTH SEATTLE ...

WASHINGTON IS AN "OPEN" STATE, SO ANY REGISTERED VOTER IS ALLOWED TO ATTEND THE MEETINGS ...

THAT PLUS RUN PAUL'S INSPIRING CAMPAIGN HAS LED TO LARGE-THAN-USUAL CROWDS THROUGHOUT THE STATE ...

IT ALSO MEANT MANY CHAOTIC MEETINGS, AND THIS ONW WAS AND EXCEPTION ...

... WERE TRYING TO FIND MORE CHAIRS, PEOPLE ...

PLEASE BE PATIENT ...

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

WE NEED TO ESTABLISH THE GROUND RULES BEFORE WE START!

WILL YOU BE ADHERING TO ROBERT'S RULES? YES OR NO!

POINT OF ORDER!

POINT OF ORDER!

WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF BALLOTS ...

AND PENS ...

AND DONUTS! LOOK!

MOST OF THE TABLES WERE MADE UP OF PREPARED GROUPS OF PAUL SUPPORTERS, WHILE MINE WAS MORE LIKE THE ISLAND OF MISFIT VOTERS ...

... HEY OBAMA, WHACHOO GONNA DO ...

YA THINK YOU GOT IT SAY YOU'RE THROUGH ...

... BOOM CHICKA ...

RAPPING GRANNY.

VOTING IS STUPID.

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

UGH!

ANGRY YOUTH

BOTH PAUL AND SANTORUM SEEM LIKE VERY NICE MEN ...

WHICH SHOULD I VOTE FOR?

MRS NICE

YOU'RE ASKING ME?

WELL, YOU SEEM NICE, TOO!

THE NEXT DAY I LEARNED THAT ROMNEY NOT ONLY WON THE STATE: HE ALSO WON MY OWN DISTRICT!

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

PAUL WAS LEADING IN THE POLLS ALL WEEK ...

AND I SAW NO ROMNEY SUPPORTERS YESTERDAY!

I SUSPECT FOUL PLAY!

MARCH 17: MY DISTRICT HELD YET ANOTHER CAUCUS--THIS ONE TO CHOSE WHICH DELEGATES WILL ATTEND THE STATE CONVENTION IN MAY ...

ARE YOU FOR PAUL?

YES.

THEN SIT NEXT TON ONE OF OUR VOLUNTEERS AND FOLLOW THEIR LEAD.

WHY?

BECAUSE THE COUNTY G.O.P. IS RUN BY CORRUPT LIARS.

OH!

ONCE AGAIN, THE LEGIONS OF PAUL SUPPORTERS WERE THERE, ARMED WITH THEIR OWN SLATE OF DELEGATES AND DETERMINED NOT TO GET RAILROADED BY THE PARTY'S REPRESENTATIVES.

FEARING A PAUL SWEEP, ROMNEY, GINGRICH, AND SANTORUM'S SUPPORTERS POOLED THEIR DELEGATES ON ONE "UNITY" SLATE, HOPING TO GET AT LEAST A FEW OF THEM ELECTED.

PAUL CAN'T WIN! HE'S CRAZY!

DON'T BE CRAZY

HELP SANTORUM FIGHT THE GAY AGENDA!

ONLY GINGRICH IS BRAVE ENOUGH TO BOMB IRAN!

IT'S WHAT REAGAN WOULD'VE WANTED!

IT DIDN'T WORK. EVERY DELEGATE ELECTED, INCLUDING ALTERNATES, WAS A RON PAUL SUPPORTER.

YET THAT DIDN'T STOP THE G.O.P. STAFFERS FOR PULLING EVERY STUNT IN THE BOOK TO "TAINT" THE RESULTS: FIRST BY REMOVING THE BALLOTS AND BALLOT SCANNER BEFORE THE VOTE WAS EVEN HELD ...

WHERE ARE YOU TAKING THOSE?

THIS IS THEFT!

NO, IT ISN'T!

THESE BALLOTS BELONG TO THE REPUBLICAN PARTY ...

AND YOU PEOPLE AREN'T REAL REPUBLICANS!

HMMM ... SHE'S GOT A POINT THERE.

A ROMNEY-ITE THEN MOVED TO HAVE THE CHAIRWOMAN (A PAUL SUPPORTER) REPLACED--FOR NOT HAVING BALLOTS READY!

NEXT, THE VALIDITY OF THE HANDWRITTEN BALLOTS WAS CHALLENGED, BUT THE PAULITES WERE PREPARED ....

AS LEGAL COUNSEL TO THE COUNTY G.O.P. I DECLARE THESE BALLOTS NULL AND VOID!

BUT YOUR OWN BY-LAWS SAY THEY ARE VALID! SEE?

... HUH ... YOU'RE RIGHT ...

... NEVER MIND!

MEANWHILE, ROMNEY'S SUPPORTERS MADE LITTLE ATTEMPT TO HIDE THEIR CONTEMPT FOR THE PAUL PEOPLE ...

LOOK AT THEM TWEETING ABOUT THEIR MEANINGLESS VICTORY. THEY DISGUST ME!

THEY'RE LIKE ANIMALS ...

OR WORSE DEMOCRATS!

WE OUGHT TO HIRE SECURITY

WHILE THE DISTRICT G.O.P. CHAIRMAN ACTED WAFFLY AND VAGUE ...

FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND HAND WRITTEN BALLOTS MAY BE USED ...

BUT WILL THEY BE CHALLENGED?

LIKE I SAID, FOR WHAT I UNDERSTAND ...

THIS IS GOING ON YOUTUBE!

"PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY" SEEMED TO BE WHAT HE WAS LAMELY TRYING TO GO FOR.

ODDLY, THIS SAME PERSON OPENED THE CAUCUS WELCOMING THE PAULITES WITH OPEN ARMS ...

IT'S GREAT TO SEE SO MANY NEW YOUNG FACES HERE...

THE SEATTLE G.O.P. COULD USE YOUR SPIRIT AND ENERGY ...

BUT FROM THAT POINT ON HE STOOD IDLY BY AS HIS PARTY TRIED TO SCREW THEM AT EVERY TURN. GO FIGURE!

THE DAY BEFORE, I ATTEND A MEET 'N' GREET FOR THE LIBERTARIAN PARTY PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE GARY JOHNSON ...

I WAS EAGER TO MEET THE FORMER GOVERNOR, WHOSE POSITION ARE EVEN MORE TO MY LIKING THAN RON PAUL'S ARE ...

HOW IRONIC THEN, THAT I DIDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE HIM AT FIRST. HE'S NOT EXACTLY AN IMPOSING FIGURE!

SAY, HAS THE GOVERNOR ARRIVED YET? I--

...OH WAIT, THAT'S YOU.

HI.

HAVE YOU TRIED THE SALMON?

IT'S QUITE GOOD.

AFTER A SHORT SPEECH, JOHNSON TOOK QUESTION FROM THE PRESIDENT PRESS CORPS (IR.: ME AND SOMEONE FROM "THE STRANGER") ...

ANY HARD FEELINGS OVER THE WAY THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA IGNORED YOU G.O.P. CANDIDACY?

OF COURSE! THOUGH THERE'S NO POINT IN DWELLING ON THAT NOW ...

I'M STILL RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT AFTER ALL!

DO YOU FEEL YOU HAVE THE LIB PARTY'S NOMINATION SEWN UP?

I'D SAY IT'S MINE TO LOSE ...

THERE ARE THIRTY-FIVE CANDIDATES CURRENTLY RUNNING AGAINST ME ...

THOUGH I'D BE HARD-PRESSED TO NAME MORE THAN A FEW OF THEM.

WOULD YOU SAY YOU GOVERNED NEW MEXICO IN A "LIBERTARIAN" FASHION?

I SURE TRIED! THOUGH I HAVE A FEW REGRETS ...

LIKE THIS NEEDLESS INDIAN AFFAIRS BUREAU I HAD FOISTED ON ME ...

I WAS TOLD IT WOULDN'T BE FUNDED BY TAXPAYERS ...

ONLY NOW IT HAS A $10 MILLION BUDGET, PAID FOR BY THE STATE ...

YOU CAN'T WIN!

LATER ONE OF THE PARTY'S FAITHFUL DID SOME OVERLY OPTIMISTIC NUMBER CRUNCHING FOR ME ...

RIGHT NOW GARY'S POLLING AT 9% AGAINST OBAMA AND ROMNEY ...

ONCE PAUL'S OUT OF THE RACE THAT NUMBER IS SURE TO GO UP ...

WITH A FEW MORE BREAKS ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN!

A FEW?! MORE LIKE A TON OF BREAKS!

JOHNSON'S LEGIT! A TWO-TIME GOVERNOR! A HIGH OFFICE HOLDER!

SO WAS YOUR LAST NOMINEE, REPRESENTATIVE BOB BARR ...

WHO NOW IS BACKING THAT TURD NEWT GINGRICH!

YES, WELL ...

I TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT THAT.

I OFTEN WIND UP RAINING ON THE LIBERTARIAN PARTY'S PARADE MAINLY TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM SOUL-CRUSHING DISAPPOINTMENT.

HUNGRY FOR MORE HIJINKS, I ATTENDED YET ANOTHER CAUCUS IN A NEIGHBORING DISTRICT. IN THE INTERIM, I FOUND AN UNLIKELY REALIGNMENT HAD OCCURRED ...

?!? YOU SLATE OF CANDIDATES IS THE SAME ONE THE PAUL CAMP GAVE ME.

THAT'S NO MISTAKE

TURNS OUT THAT "UNITY" SLATE THE COUNTRY G.O.P. WAS PASSING OUT LISTED ONLY ROMNEY SUPPORTERS.

THEY SCREWED US!

BUT, SURELY YOU DON'T WANT PAUL TO--

WE WANT AN OPEN CONVENTION

IF ROMNEY HAS ENOUGH DELEGATES BEFORE THEN, WE'LL HAVE NO LEVERAGE ...

AND WE DON'T WANT TO SEE THE PARTY NOMINATE A LIBERAL!

UNLIKE THE CONTENTIOUS CAUCUSES TAKING PLACE ELSEWHERE, THIS ONE RAN SMOOTHLY. THE PEOPLE IN CHARGE DECIDED TO ACT LIKE ADULTS FOR A CHANCE ...

IF ELECTED, I VOW TO PUT AN END TO ALL YELLING

SPEAK UP!

USE THE MIC!

PLEASE! DON'T YELL!

I'M THE PROUD MOTHER OF TWO

WELL, I'VE GOT FOUR KIDS ...

SO I'M MORE OF A MOTHER!

THE PAULITES SWEPT HERE AS WELL, YET AGAINST ALL LOGIC THE REPUBLICAN PARTY'S REPS STILL INSISTED ON DOING THE BALLOT COUNTING BEHIND CLOSED DOORS ...

WHAT DO THEY HAVE TO LOSE IF THEY DID THE COUNTING OUT IN THE OPEN?

NOTHING! BUT THESE POLITICAL OPERATIVES HAVE A WEIRD OBSESSION WITH SECRECY

THEY GET AWAY TOO CAUGHT UP IN THE GAMESMANSHIP OF POLITICS ...

IT BECOMES AN END IN ITSELF!

KEEP CLEAR OF THE DOOR!

THE ONLY ENTERTAINMENT TO BE HAS WAS LISTENING TO THE POTENTIAL DELEGATES MAKE THEIR ONE-MINUTE STUMP SPEECHES. THEIR MOMENT IN THE SPOTLIGHT!

STILL, THIS IS ANOTHER BIG WIN FOR PAUL ...

HE OWNS THIS TOWN AT THIS POINT!

THE DEMOCRATS OWNS THIS TOWN ACTUALLY ...

RON STILL COULDN'T GET ELECTED DOG CATCHER IN SEATTLE.

COULDN'T IT AT LEAST SERVE AS A BASE, TO THEN INFLUENCE THE STATE G.O.P

PERHAPS, BUT WITHOUT ANY ELECTED OFFICIALS THAT'LL BE THOUGH ...

THE NEO-CONS STILL HAVE A STRANGLE-HOLD ON THE STATE PARTY SADLY.

AND WE'RE STILL LOOKED UPON AS MERE INTERLOPERS ...

A NUISANCE THAT WILL EVENTUALLY GO AWAY.

SIGH ... THEY'RE PROBABLY RIGHT, TOO.

OH, I DUNNO ... NOT THIS TIME

THE STAKES ARE TOO HIGH TO JUST WALK AWAY.

WE'RE IN THIS FOR THE LONG HAUL ...

BESIDES, DOING NOTHING WOULD BE EVEN MORE DEPRESSING!

END?

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]