Shane Cross: when you least expect it ...

BRASH, BOLD, AND BRAZENLY unbathed, Australia's Shane Cross is the latest entrant in skateboarding's ongoing unofficial hot-shit competition. Since showing up at Mumford's two months ago, Shane has dove trucks-first into American 'boardin': meeting the pros, trying his luck at El Toro, and levying the absurd drive times with a more-than-recreational Starbuck's addiction. Oh yeah, and dismantling skate spots like a goddamn teenage Terminator.

Michael Burnett: Matt, where did this kid come from?

Matt Mumford: He was handed down to me from someone. I don't know. He just showed up out of nowhere. All of a sudden he was there, annoying the shit out of everybody.

MB: What's your version of the story, Shane?

Matt just showed up. He was just there--annoying everybody.

MB: He showed up at his own home?

Yeah.

MB: Did you even know Matt before you moved into his house?

I knew him for one day. We had gone skating one afternoon, and then the next day I was catching the plane over here.

MM: He lurks out on my couch. There are two perfectly good beds in two spare bedrooms, yet he chooses to sleep on the couch.

MB: Why did you pick the couch?

I could just watch TV and go to sleep. And the beds were uncomfortable as fuck! They're hard--super hard.

MB: Matt, how is it to deal with a houseguest who you soon found out does not like to bathe?

MM: Well, Shane had already been here for two weeks by the time I got back from Australia, and they told me he hadn't had a shower the whole time he'd been here.

MB: Shane?

It's just a hassle.

MB: You're only going to get dirty again.

Yeah. Plus, I only had dirty clothes, so I was getting clean and then stepping into dirty clothes.

MB: Do they not have washing machines down in Australia?

I couldn't be bothered.

MM: That was rule number one when he came to stay with me: he had to have a shower at least once every third day.

MB: How's that rule holding up?

I haven't showered in two weeks!

MM: Bullshit! He was doing OK for a little while there.

MB: Do you brush your teeth?

Yeah.

MB: I understand that you are keenly aware of that which is gay

What do you mean?

MB: You seem to be a real good judge of what's gay and what's not. Would you say that's accurate?

MM: That's his favorite word.

MB: I'm going to conduct a gay test. I'll say something and you tell me whether it's gay or not.

OK, I guess.

MB: Alright, let's begin. Liberace.

I don't even know what that is!

MB: Liberace. Gay or not gay. Gay!

MB: Noseslide to crooked grind.

Gay.

MB: Making over your home and wardrobe.

Gay.

MM: What about cleaning your room?

Gay!

MB: Washing the filth off your body.

Gay.

MM: 360 flip down a six-flat-six?

Decent.

MB: El Toro.

Weak! No, I'm just kidding! Pretty gnarly.

MB: Cale Nuske.

Gnarly.

MB: The television show, The OC.

What's that?

MB: Diet cola.

Gay

MB: Starbucks.

Awesome. I can't live without that.

MM: The Cartoon Network.

Awesome

MM: To me, watching cartoons all day is gay.

That's 'cause all you watch is cowboy movies all day!

MM: What's wrong with that?

Gay! Clint Eastwood's lame.

MB: Clint Eastwood.

Gay!

MB: OK, enough of that. You told me you heard a rumor that all the California handrails were tiny compared to the awesomely large Australian handrails. Is it true?

Nah. It's all a load of shit.

MB: You said you couldn't believe how small El Toro was.

Well, height-wise. Length, it's kind of big. It's not as giant as it's made up to be. It's long, but not as high.

MB: So how much longer are you here ruining Matt's life?

Two more weeks.

MM: He doesn't even live with me anymore!

All my clothes are still there.

MM: Yeah, he leaves a whirlwind of shit at my house and then goes off to the Bartie's!

It's more fun. They've got Playstation 2.

MM: Yeah. And all I did was watch cowboy movies.

Cowboy movies and go to bed early--that's Matt's life.

MB: What popular American skater have you been told you most resemble?

Bryan Herman. I get it all the time.

MB: Do you think that's accurate?

I don't know.

MB: 'Cause I've always thought you look more like Jerry Fowler.

I guess I look like Bryan, but I don't try to.

MB: What sponsors have you finagled?

Legacy, Emerica, Krew Clothing and Thunder trucks.

MB: What should the kids know about you?

That I'm not Bryan.

MB: Will you ever come back to the United States, or are we rid of you?

Yeah. I'll be back in a couple months.

MB: How's your luck with the chicks out here been?

Gay.

MM: Well, that's your answer. He's gay.

I don't go looking for them and they haven't come running to me so far.

MM: That wouldn't have anything to do with your hygiene, would it?

Gay.

MB: What about when Matt's friend Wade brought all those girls home and tried to get you in the shower?

That was sketchy! These five girls came in and tried to get my pants off! I had to run out of there so quick!

MB: Gay.

MM: He came home super late with like five different chicks and they're all, "Take off your pants, Shane, we're going to bathe you!" And Wade's standing at the door with a camera saying, "Do it Shane, do it!"

MB: Five girls want to shower with you. You poor kid.

They wanted to take photos of it! No one would have been psyched on that. It was sketchy. It sucks over there. Listen to this: Matt wants me to do chores!

MB: What kind of chores do you have?

Pick up the dog shit, wash the Harley, clean up the house. That's why I'm not staying at Matt's anymore.

MB: What pro skaters have you met during your visit?

I met John Rattray. That was cool. I got to meet Heath Kirchart and Leo and Erik Ellington. Oh, and I met Ernie Torres, JT Aultz, and Van Wastell. They were all super cool.

MB: OK, let's wrap this up. Hands down, who's the best skater to come out of Oz?

Cale Nuske.

MM: You're supposed to have my back, kid! What the fuck?