Seeing the world through warped lenses isn't bad.

Byline: Sid McKeen

COLUMN: WRY AND GINGER

I'm always happy to get letters from readers, but doubly so from those who view the world through the same warped lenses I do.

Here's Pat (Fallon) Sweet of Spencer: "With this missive, you're getting something you probably don't usually receive - a hand-written letter - for two reasons: (1) because I'm too lazy to type it and (2) because I don't own a computer. No e-mail, no credit cards, no dishwasher, no entertainment center, (except for my five children), no laptop (actually we do have one - he's happy and says `meow.') We live the simple life out here in the country and do slow down and enjoy life, as your July 8 column suggests ...

"I was recently forced against my will to `upgrade' my van phone. I got this thing 12 years ago when I was delivering the T&G in the middle of the night in Booneyville and needed a connection with home. It's in a bag the size of a shoebox and connects to the cigarette lighter. I was so proud of myself when I replaced its worn-out cord two years ago. Our wireless company announced that it would shut down the phone if we did not upgrade. (How could this be a "wireless" phone if it had a cord to the lighter and one to the receiver? That's two wires.) OK, so I called to upgrade and they sent me the new phone. This damn thing is 3 inches long and it took me a week to learn how to phone home.

"My kids gave up asking me, `Why can't we have a _____?' My answer is usually, `We can't afford it' or `I don't want that stuff in my house.' I'm hoping that by having one TV they learn to share (right!) and that with such natural beauty around us they will appreciate their world. Our yard is full of birdhouses and feeders, we have a swamp in the back so we get frogs and ducks sometimes, we see turkeys run through the yard, and of course hear the coyotes at night.

"I've been enjoying your column for about three decades now. I especially enjoy the ones that poke fun at English grammar and mistakes people make. Have you written one about the apostrophe? That one really drives me crazy. Some people think an apostrophe goes wherever there's an S. Even professionally-made signs and personalized items in catalogs print names this way. I ordered a doormat for my folks, and made sure it would be right - The Fallons. On the invoice it read, `No apostrophe' as though I had omitted something.

"How about this? A landscaping place in Brookfield displayed a sign for two weeks that said, `Happy Birthday, America, 127 Years Young.' What happened in 1880? They finally changed the 127 to 230. OK, that's close."

On my column about getting my toilet seat and hair all pink from a burgundy-colored cheap sheet set, someone calling himself Poppo wrote: "I can painfully relate to your dilemma. I'm 64 and blissfully ignorant of household rules, so when I received a great-looking hooded sweatshirt, I laundered it before wearing. Unfortunately, it was in with a number of colored T-shirts and a couple of other sweats. Just as unfortunate was the fact that it was a shade of cranberry that ran in the wash and turned everything pink. The solution? Throw everything away with the exception of the offending article of clothing. It still looks great. As for your colorful locks - shave your head and start over? Only a suggestion."

Poppo and Pat - my kind of people. If you're reading this, so are you.

Sid McKeen can be reached via e-mail at [e-mail].