Scouse about it then Celts?; PICK OF THE BOX.
UEFA Cup Football (Five, 7.45pm)
CHOCKS away, chaps, for Battle of Britain Mark II - having beaten Blackburn into submission, Celtic have Liverpool in their sights.
The Scottish champions can be forgiven a sense of vertigo, having reached the giddy heights of the quarter-finals of European competition for the first time in 23 years.
And fresh from a vital win over Old Firm rivals Rangers at the weekend, Martin O'Neill's side will be brimming with confidence over tonight's UEFA Cup clash with the Reds of Anfield.
Celtic's Euro home record is formidable - teams such as Juventus, Valencia, Porto and Stuttgart have all come to Parkhead in the last two seasons and been beaten.
But with Michael Owen recovering his goalscoring form at just the right time, Liverpool will be a tough nut to crack.
Expect lengthy choruses of You'll Never Walk Alone from both sets of fans.
Tonight's game kicks off at 8.05pm.
Real Men (BBC2, 9.00pm)
THE powerful drama about child abuse reaches a shocking conclusion in tonight's second part.
DI Matthew Fenton's (Ben Daniels) investigation homes in on Meadow-lands. Alistair Jackson, head of the care home, has been taken in for questioning over allegations of abuse, but he denies all the allegations against him.
He does, however, admit to knowing Brian Marshall, Fenton's prime suspect in the disappearance of Lawrence Meikle.
Jackson's detention is having an adverse effect on the kids at Meadow- lands. A young boy called Lester is particularly upset and is taunted mercilessly by the other kids. He turns to Russell for help, but gets none.
Meanwhile, Fenton, who has befriended Russell, finds his investigation going from bad to worse when the man who accused Jackson of abuse admits he made the claim up.
And it is only when Russell is returned to his mother and Fenton visits him at home that the pieces of the awful jigsaw start to fall into place.
Secrets Of The Dead (Channel 4, 9.00pm)
THE dead have no secrets, not anymore, as this new documentary series reveals.
It uses the latest forensic techniques to investigate past events.
And tonight's first subject doesn't get much bigger - the sinking of the Titanic.
Fairview Lawn Cemetery, Nova Scotia, is the last resting place for 150 victims. Of these, 44 were never identified and have lain in graves marked only by numbers for almost a century.
Now a group of scientists and historians are attempting to prove the identity of three of those in unmarked graves - an adult female, a young man and a toddler barely a year old.
The attempt to identify the man and the woman are unsuccessful - extraction of DNA is impossible due to the flooding of their graves.
But the grave of the child has remained miraculously intact and the team discover sufficient fragments to identify DNA.
The Bill (ITV, 8.00pm)
SEXUAL abuse dominates proceedings down Sun Hill way, too.
The news is out about teacher Sonia Graham having "sexual relations" with underage students. PCs Tait and Ashton escort her home through the crowds protesting outside the school.
Acting DI Samantha Nixon introduces her 15-year-old daughter to Sgt Matthew Boyden. Abi is starting work experience and it's Matt's job to show her around. It's not long before Abi realises the best thing about the job is not the policing, but the sergeant.
BEST OF SATELLITE TV
(E4, 9.00pm & midnight)
THERE'S a double treat for fans of the US medical drama tonight in back- to-back episodes.
The first is a special one with the events leading up to Christmas shown in reverse chronological order.
Kovac's troubled life turns tragic when he gets into a car accident on an icy road and his passenger, young medical student Erin Harkins, is seriously hurt.
In the second episode, Pratt is seen bringing a gun into the emergency room and though Carter feels compelled to defend him, Pratt's erratic behaviour makes him think twice.
(UK Gold, 9.00pm & 12.20am)
SOCIAL-CLIMBING Torquay hotelier Basil Fawlty has a plan - he wants a better class of clientele to come to Fawlty Towers.
Fat chance of that when Basil himself does his best to drive guests away.
In tonight's second episode of the classic sitcom, Basil decides to have some structural alterations made to the hotel, but havoc ensues when he takes the cheaper option.
John Cleese and Prunella Scales star with Connie Booth and Andrew Sachs.
(Sky One, 9.00pm)
VAMPIRE with a soul Angel has another troubling case to solve.
Connor gets locked inside the Wolfram and Hart building where the Beast is busy turning the employees into an army of zombies.
David Boreanaz stars as the brooding Angel.
(Granada Plus, 9.00pm)
THE late John Thaw is classy as ever in the drama series about a top barrister.
Kavanagh defends a vicar against a female parishioner's charge of sexual harassment, only to encounter the woman again.
This time she is the accused and the crime is of an altogether more serious nature. The case also brings Kavanagh face to face with an old acquaintance.