Sacred Love - Some Advice to Those Seeking a New Relationship
Here are 11 warnings. They are not meant to encourage judgment, moreover, they are meant to help you to respect where people are at. The last person to know where they are at is the person them self, because their lust, emotion, and need to be rescued from their hell will make you the idol they will worship. They will be so attached, yet, complain and struggle, often blaming you for all their problems, when really it was their reality before you met.A sacred relationship takes two. Sometimes one or both people, are just not ready. To move into a sacred relationship, the individual you choose must be ready. If they are desperate, they say, "Got to this" and "Got to that", and they are not ready. If they are always saying, "You should be like this", or "You should be like that" then they are not ready. If they are always saying, "I want and I need this from you", then they are not ready. And finally, if your lover says, "I love you," and waits for an answer, like "I love you too", beware, that is just a "got to" in disguise. This includes their lifestyle. Many people are not healed from their ex so they will say to you, "He or she, hasn''t let go", but that is the victim speaking. They haven''t let go. Your lover might say, "I maintain a relationship with my ex-partners and that is who I am", then they are not ready for sacred love. You must be the focus, and ex lovers must get to know a new we. Relationship demands letting go of those things we are attached to and grabbing hold of our lover. Holding the past, and demanding that it comes into the future, sabotages love.
For the vast majority of people healing the past, turning up happy and ready for love is a slow and deliberate process. You need to be respectful that you are not demanding something from your lover, that they promise with all their heart to do, but just cannot.
If you are not discerning, then you may find yourself feeling betrayed. They may make promises to love you and be your sacred lover, but they are still fighting to heal the past. Then your heart will break over and over. That person who thinks they are healed, but has not healed, will be unable to meet you in love. They will accidentally betray you, because they simply cannot show up.
Here are 11 warnings. They are not meant to encourage judgment, moreover, they are meant to help you to respect where people are at. The last person to know where they are at is the person them self, because their lust, emotion, and need to be rescued from their hell will make you the idol they will worship. They will be so attached, yet, complain and struggle, often blaming you for all their problems, when really it was their reality before you met.
In my retreats, this is what I am emphasising. Be the person you want them to be. Heal the past, get over it, plan the future, forget it. Turning up, that is the art of love.
One can become obsessed with the future, looking at how to make their love last forever or a person can spend all day everyday, trying to get the past in order when, really, life is so transient, it would seem that this could be the least of our problems. Maybe we are better to concern ourselves with how we are experiencing the limitless beauty of this now, real, everyday love.
The door of my heart is open
The door of my heart is open
open to the sky and to the earth
To the pain and to each new birth
The door of my heart is open
The door of my heart is open to you
You can come and you can go
The door of my heart is open
the holy path
And the door of my heart is open to you
My friend, my challenge, my wife
The door of my heart cannot be closed
by ego, or righteous ambition
The door of my heart is awakened to love
The door to my heart is open to you
The door of my heart is not shut by violence
Nor attached to being right
the door of my heart forgets the past
and knows I''ll always love you
to the depth of your soul
Some Advice about Sacred Love
Never go back
The word never is a very low consciousness term. So the heading of this advice is more provocative than it needs to be. However, it is sound advice. It would make breaking up so much easier, moving on so much clearer, and the healing process so much more thorough if we could all listen to this ancient advice. Never go back. Because everything looks good from a distance. But the issues that caused the break up will still be there, the person who hurt you will hurt you again, and really, unless you are prepared to do honest healing, it advice is sound.
Then we can add unless. Unless you are prepared to really invest in healing. Healing in this case means. 1/ You acknowledge that it was your behavior alone that caused the breakup. 2/ That you do to others what your ex-partner did to you. 3/ That what you don''t appreciate you lose. 4/ That nobody does to you more than you do to yourself. 5/ That love is not a prison, and if you are filled with stress, feeling unromantic and distracted, someone else steps in to fill the void. 6/ That healing means unconditionally thanking your lover for the pain, the growth, and the love you now feel for them.
Self- respect is an essential ingredient if you are to give love to yourself, and most importantly, to others. You cannot give what you haven''t got. True Love begins and ends with true love for yourself. Therefore, you must know yourself, learn to think for yourself, look after yourself, wait on yourself, and to act on your own intuitions. This is a crucial part of the development of self-respect. Self-respect is the stepping stone to self love. This is not an isolation or withdrawal, but the ability to trust your own convictions amongst the questions and turbulence of life. A flexibility must arise in you where there is no need to go into defense.
To achieve this you''ll need to rise above your Ego, and the most accurate measure of that aim is to arrange your life so that mental disturbance does not become a hindrance. Adhere to the laws of balance in all your mental activity. Expectations are the egos hands and the cause of all disturbances. Expectations breed suffering. If you can be a person whose expectations become the most flexible part of their world, then you can live in the highest order.
Beware of promises
When you fall in love, it does not mean, automatic relationship. It often means, you fell in love. As Einstein said, "Sometimes a cigar, is just a cigar" It is vital to consider whether your lover is really ready for loving relationship. Remember, the key here is "stress and love don''t mix". If you meet someone who is under stress from work, ex relationship, health or their children, then they are still worthy of love, but definitely not ready for any form of sacred relationship. If they are workaholic, or alcoholic, please be careful of the tendency to say, "I see their potential". Really, it is not you who must see the potential, they must, and demonstrate it by actually manifesting what they talk about. Do not build a sacred relationship on promises.
Beware of the past
Of all the warning signs of an inappropriate relationship, the past is the greatest problem and the biggest issue. If your lover is still fighting or coming to arrangements with their ex, still sorting it out with their parents, then be respectful and be a friend. However, a real and sacred relationship under these circumstances is impossible. This includes unresolved arrangements with children, influential relationships with parents and business issues.
Beware of children
Moving into a relationship with a person who has the full time care responsibility of a young child is a major commitment, with many issues of its own. These issues are often magnified by the essential ongoing dynamic between your partner and the other parent of the children. Your presence may really upset that dynamic, and if things are not clear, cause major emotional disruption. Many single parents obsess with their children as a way of dealing with the broken relationship, their guilt at broken family, and therefore, over compensate. In many cases, there is really no room in this dynamic for a lover to enter on anything other than a part time basis.
Beware of becoming the problem solver
Sometimes relationships are convenient. That person has some major problems in their life, and you might be the perfect solution. They might be depressed, confused, insecure, lonely, and you are the solution. If a person is not a happy content individual when you meet them, there is little chance the happiness they feel when they suddenly fall in love with you is going to last.
Beware of Sex
If there is one issue that blinds people to the point of insanity, it is sex. So many people spend much of their spare time obsessing with how wonderful their sex life is, that they make crazy choices just because their partner knows how to pleasure a lover. The probability is that a person who is a good pleasure giver is not a good pleasure receiver. Hence a control addict.
Beware of Half people
With the advent of the "new age" there are many men and women who have learned to talk the talk as a means of seduction. They talk the language of spirituality or self-awareness because they spent two days in a workshop with Deepak Chopra. But this talk takes time to become walk. Beware of the individual who wears the "I''m evolved" mask. It is always covering the slippery fish that existed before that weekend.
Beware of change
In my early years doing self help programs I attended many workshops and yoga retreats. People would go through some process and after half a day, be "transformed" from white guilt ridden catholic victim, to dark skinned Indian, incense burning yogi. The identities are easy to put on. Spend 6 months learning to put your leg behind your head and people start to think you are a saint. Beware of the fast change syndrome. Give change at least 12 months before really believing it.
Beware of health camps
I ran programs at an Australian health camp in Currumbin, northern NSW, Australia. In an idyllic setting, people would come and be fed well, exercise well and do these self exploration exercises like jumping off poles and flying on ropes. They would also attend daily workshops where their personal issues were processed. When I observed those programs I noticed that truth was forbidden. Any client who did not hear what they wanted to hear, complained that they were not relaxing, so the programs and self help process were all angled to "blame the non attending partner".
The programs blamed anything and anyone who was not in attendance, so the healing was all temporary. This was a sad commercial responsibility of the Camp. I attended this resort when it first opened 20 odd years ago, before they really needed large numbers of visitors, and the process then was really honest. But commercial responsibilities eventually over took the program. My work was completely out of character, and we agreed that I should run my programs elsewhere.
Beware of self help gurus
Over the past 25 years I have built a major yoga centre, hosted large yoga conferences, run over 300 retreats, and taught thousands of classes. Beware of teachers. Beware of teachers. Beware of teachers. Be discerning. It doesn''t matter if someone has a yoga certificate or like me, wrote a book or two - never put people on pedestals. I can honestly say, I have rarely seen a more competitive, sexually motivated and emotionally dysfunctional group of individuals than those who claim to be western teachers of eastern arts.
The industry is not regulated. the qualifications and training are spurious, and the teachers themselves are usually deeply in their own emotional drama, often using the teaching of others as a process of denial. It is amazing to see Yoga teacher training programs that last anywhere from 2 days to 2 months offering certifications. And what is worse, if you knew the reason most of those students were undertaking the training, you''d cry.
Beware the two faces
Do you think you can be a loving individual to one person and a hating person to another? I don''t. I think we can act loving and be hating. Or act hating and be loving. But that person who is hating one person and loving another lacks authenticity. If a business person can be corrupt, violent, or indecisive at work, then this is what they can be at home. The consciousness of an individual may fluctuate depending on their mood, but eventually what a person is like at work, comes home and visa versa.
http://www.chriswalker.com.au Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris''s work and journeys to Nepal, visit http://www.chriswalker.com.au -- http://www.chriswalker.com.au