Sacraments shouldn't be the outward signs of a power trip.

Picture the lives of today's catholics in contrast to the lives of our ancestors a hundred years ago, or of even the older generation who grew up during the Second World War. Unlike our parents, most of us attend college. We must choose among universities as distant as San Diego and Miami and among programs from women's studies to oceanography. Our possible marriage partners come from all over the country and indeed from all over the world. Divorce is a seriously considered option in many of our marriages. We have a smorgasbord of careers to choose from and sometimes we make several choices in the course of our lifetime. Orders from our pastor, our bishop, even the Vatican plus a dollar and a half will get us a ride on the subway. Choice, choice, choice.

Sometimes we make wise choices, sometimes unwise, but we cannot escape the obligation of choice. Our personalities, our characters are shaped by a constant exercise of freedom--and the agony of decision making that freedom imposes.

The Catholic Church has yet to make its peace with the inevitability of the freedom of its laity. It does not like one bit the laity's assumption of the right to make its own decisions, and of its demand that it be persuaded instead of ordered. Moreover, church leaders miss the point of their own tradition, which has proclaimed that virtue is formed by the frequent repetition of free human acts. In any event, the church must adjust to the fact that in the present milieu, the laity reserve the right to say on what terms they will be Catholic. Nothing will change that fact, neither orders from Rome nor hysterical ranting from the tiny fundamentalist Catholic minority.

The failure of many, indeed most, church leaders from top to bottom to perceive this new situation is a horrific failure of leadership. The Vatican Council warned us of the necessity of reading the signs of the times. Our leadership resolutely refuses to read these signs or sees them as a departure from the discipline and the order of the good old days. The leadership, in a monumental failure, urges rather a return to the old discipline of the 1950s--or the 1750s.

But before we blame the Vatican or the chancery, we ought to examine our own behavior locally. To state the matter boldly: More personal pain is inflicted on the laity at the parish level than is inflicted by church leadership at any of the higher levels.

No one gives up power willingly. So church personnel, often thinking of themselves as "liberals," continue to search for ways in which they can exercise authoritarian control over the laity. Believing as they do that the laity are secularists, materialists, pagans, they feel that they must impose on lay folk the practice of virtue to open them up to the work of the Holy Spirit. In this mindset, it is inconceivable that the Spirit might already be at work among the laity, blowing whither she will despite our assumptions. It is also inconceivable that the laity's experience of the Spirit is richer and deeper than our own.

There are three differences between this new Catholic authoritarianism and the old: There are many more rules today than there used to be. There are a lot more rule makers, not all of them clergy by any means. And many of the laity are smart enough to know that there are parishes where such rules do not exist and that they can find one that for reasons of compassion or justice treats them like full-fledged, free human persons.

Since the power of the clergy and the quasi-clergy is hampered by their lack of credibility as leaders, they tend to become neo-authoritarian in the one area where they do have power--access to the sacraments. They often violate the Code of Canon Law in denying the laity the sacraments, but once you are determined to "do good" by forcing the laity to be virtuous, canon law is hardly likely to stop you. The Code asserts that the laity have the right to the sacraments, a right that only in rare and exceptional circumstances may be denied.

I herewith submit a litany of horror stories about the oppression of the laity by church personnel. I lack empirical data to say just how typical these abuses of power are, but I have enough information to say that they represent abuses that are widespread. Many of my horror stories are clear violations of canon law.

1) A couple visits the rectory and asks to be married in three weeks. The parents of the bride work overseas and have been granted an unexpected two-week leave, and the couple, graduates of Catholic colleges, want to get married when her parents are present. They know about the banns so they have come to the rectory in time for that requirement to be met. They also say that any day or evening of the week will be fine. The unsmiling priest tells them it will be quite impossible. "We have a rule here that you must be a registered member of the parish for six months before we permit you to be married in our church. Moreover, diocesan guidelines require six months of marriage preparation," he says. "We've been here at Mass every Sunday for the last year and a half," says the bride. "I don't recognize you," the pastor replies, "and so how do I know you're not lying to me?" "Guidelines are not rules, are they?" asks the groom. "Sure they are," the pastor replies, "why else would we have them? You can forget about being married in my church." So the couple goes down the street to the local Lutheran church and is married there. After the honeymoon, however, they continue to attend the Eucharist at their parish. Their first child is baptized by the Lutheran pastor.

2) A young couple is delighted that only 18 months after the birth of their son, they now have a little sister for him. The mother calls the rectory to arrange for Baptism. The director of religious education (DRE) informs her that she and her husband must come to class every Wednesday for six weeks so that they may be properly prepared to be parents of a newly baptized Christian. Another class will not begin for three months. The mother replies that both she and her husband have had 16 years of Catholic education. The DRE dismisses that as irrelevant. "But I work during the day, and my husband works at night," says the mother. "Get a baby-sitter," the DRE says curtly. The mother admits that just now they can't afford a baby-sitter and that their daughter is too young to be left with one anyway. "That's your problem," she is told. "We didn't have to do all this when my son was baptized," says the mother. "That's because I wasn't in charge here then," the DRE says, hanging up. Once more the Code of Canon Law is shattered.

In another parish, members of the "Baptism Team," are sent to the homes of parents seeking Baptism for their children to determine whether they are "worthy" of the sacrament.

3) A couple of academics, both with doctorates in policy studies, are told that their child cannot be confirmed unless they go to six classes on "The Church and the Social Order." They both know the Catholic Church's social teaching and interpret it in a moderately right-wing fashion. The nun who teaches it is a leftist who has simple solutions for all social problems. They are horrified by the ideological rigidity and the ignorance of her pronouncements, not to mention the dullness of her presentation. But since she can decide whether their child will receive the sacrament, they remain silent.

4) An Episcopalian who is married to a Catholic--all of whose kids are in Catholic schools, and who receives Communion every week--decides to become Catholic. He is told that he must go through two years of the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA) before he is admitted and that he must leave Mass after the gospel every Sunday for two years because he is a catechumen. He will thus not be able to receive the Eucharist. He wants to become a Catholic badly enough that he is willing to do it. His feisty wife, however, tells the RCIA director that she knows that RCIA is only to be used for those who are not already baptized Christians. The woman responds that in this parish RCIA is used for all adult converts. The wife tells her she is violating church law. "We will not receive your husband into the church," the RCIA director responds. Whereupon husband and wife go to a neighboring parish where the husband, about whose Catholic faith and knowledge there is no doubt, is admitted to the church.

5) A priest preparing the documents for a marriage discovers that the couple have the same address. Are you living together, he asks (which is none of his business). They admit they are. We don't marry people here who live together before marriage, he informs them. As a compromise he insists that they must sleep in separate bedrooms if they wish to be married in this church. They promise him that they will; he's ignorant enough about the human condition to believe them.

The proper approach to the sacraments is to make the ceremony of administration so charming, so moving, so celebratory that the nature of the sacrament is luminous to everyone who is present. Wise parish staffs will make the preparation sessions so intelligent, so excellent, so sensible that the people in the community will want to come. Guidelines, however, cannot and should not be enforced as though they are rules. Even the stern enforcement of the obligation to attend a "pre-Cana" conference is wrong (and a violation of canon law). One persuades people to attend, one does not order, and one certainly accepts the decision of the laity.

What is wrong with this clericalist neo-authoritarianism? It often violates the rights of the laity as specified in the Code of CanonLaw. It is almost always a violation of justice, charity, and compassion, which makes the church look terrible and drives people away.

And it doesn't work. The attitudes and behavior of the laity will not be changed by mini-courses. Only one ignorant of the nature of human nature would think that six sessions will change anything. The truth is that the liturgy of the sacrament, properly performed (which it usually isn't), can have a far more powerful impact on people than classroom instructions.

What can be done about these abuses of power by the neo-authoritarians? The laity have the right to appeal to the bishop. Unfortunately most laypeople and clergy and some bishops are unaware of that right. In some dioceses you waste your time with such an appeal.

Finally, the laity are the ministers of the sacrament of Matrimony and are also valid ministers of the sacrament of Baptism. When appeals fail to vindicate their rights, the situation becomes a "case of necessity." In such situations the laity can administer Baptism. Moreover, if it is impossible to find a priest who will witness the sacrament of Matrimony within 30 days, then the couple is automatically excused from the form and may contract marriage without the priest and the two witnesses. These are drastic measures. They deprive laypeople of the splendor of liturgically elegant administration of the sacraments (which they often don't receive anyway). Yet they may in some cases be the only possible responses to irresponsible, power-drunk neo-authoritarians.

Or you might even try writing the pope. I know of a case where a Catholic couple was refused marriage because she was an immigrant and the deacon in charge concluded that she was marrying him merely to become a legal immigrant, even though they had known each other for five years in the country of her origin. So they wrote to the pope. Within two weeks, the diocese intervened to vindicate their rights to the sacrament.

RELATED ARTICLE: FEEDBACK

Q: Have you or your family ever experienced difficulty getting access to the sacraments? When?

I never experienced any difficulty (in my parish), ever. This includes going through one year of the RCIA process as a convert from the Lutheran church. I got so much out of it that I've gone back three years now and helped out the director as a catechist.

Ed Parma Mercerville, N.J.

A cousin of mine wanted a wedding Mass. Her parish objected and offered a deacon for the ceremony. Even though she was a lifelong parishioner, she was told the priest was "too busy" for a Mass. It took lots of arguing before the priest agreed.

Colleen Carpenter Cullinan Minneapolis, Minn.

My godson recently was asked to be the best man at a Catholic wedding. He had to get an OK in writing from our pastor. The interrogation was ruthless and bordered on embarrassment.

Name withheld City withheld

Getting my daughter baptized. I couldn't get the date I wanted. (They said that they had a lot the day I wanted, which was only a handful. I don't remember the actual number, but I'm guessing six to eight.)

Veronica Thomas Iselin, N.J.

My sister-in-law, after divorce, was advised by her diocese that she could not receive Communion because she has remarried. My niece was told not to receive Communion because she married a nonCatholic outside the church. These two women still faithfully attend Mass; I don't know if I would.

Name withheld Baton Rouge, La.

Never. One son and his wife are only occasional churchgoers, but they have been allowed to have their children baptized without a problem.

Mary Kay Condon Indian Head Park, Ill.

My child was preparing for Confirmation. The teaching team scheduled a retreat for a Saturday on which my child was to be an attendant at a cousin's wedding. We were given a choice: go to the retreat and be confirmed, or go to the wedding and not be confirmed.

Name withheld Temple, Texas

A parish secretary told me there were posted times for Confession. I reminded her I was making a reasonable request for Confession now, and that church law agreed with me. I got to go to Confession at the rectory like I had asked.

Anthony D. Lutz Vienna, Va.

Q: What has been one of the most upsetting examples of sacramental power-mongering you've heard of?

The denial of a Mass of the Resurrection for an infant who died a few days after birth--because its mother was not married.

Nancy Novak Forth Worth, Texas

When parents influence their pastor to marry their pregnant daughter (or son and his girlfriend) for the sake of the child or over the embarrassment. I've yet to see it not end in a nonsacramental union.

Betty Doederlein Bethlehem, Pa.

"Pay your arreared church dues, or your deceased wife won't be buried from my church"!

Father Leo Anctil Coventry, R.I.

Demanding that converts, or even Catholics rejoining the church, attend an extremely boring, yearlong RCIA program. I think short-and-sweet private instructions should be an option.

Father James C. McKee, S.J. Curwensville, Pa.

The rude way I was treated by an RCIA teacher when I went to receive Holy Communion. This woman had no tact or compassion. The same people teach year after year and need to be replaced.

Name withheld La Mirada, Calif.

Refusal to receive someone into the church who cannot participate in the RCIA program but who has attended Mass faithfully with his Catholic spouse for 20 years--and who desires very much to become a Catholic.

Rita Hill Freeburg, Ill.

Being refused a sacrament based upon sexual orientation.

Name withheld Citrus Heights, Calif.

Bishops and priests refusing to give Communion on the tongue or to a recipient who is on his knees.

C. A. Sexton Groves, Texas

A family friend has a son with moderate developmental delays. The religious education director tried to deny him First Communion since he could not memorize "enough" of the DRE's required curriculum. The priest intervened, fortunately.

Jacob Louchart Flagstaff, Ariz.

Women being denied the sacrament of Holy Orders.

Kim Bullington Hermitage, Tenn.

Q: If you were a DRE or a priest faced with the possibility of administering marriage or Baptism to someone who seemed ill-prepared or insincere, what would you do?

If the person is ill-prepared, I would probably question my method of instruction.

Name withheld Bellerose, N.Y.

Be honest with them. Are they being married in the church because they believe in Christian marriage--or do they want a nice background for their wedding photographs?

Mary Weinfurt Brookfield, Wis.

Give him or her the benefit of the doubt, and let God worry about the details.

James Stanley Auxvasse, Mo.

Go out of my way to understand the person, couple, or family better--and help them find ways to more fully enter into the sacrament. It is a call for more sensitivity, creativity, and effort on the part of the minister.

Susan Vogt Covington, Ky.

Invite them to get acquainted with the community by attending Mass and other activities over three to six months, to see if this is where they want to be, and during that time we would talk about their request and readiness.

Father Bill Petro Huntington, W. Va.

Distinctions have to be made. A baby should not be refused Baptism because the parents are fools. One must trust in the power of sacramental grace operating within the child to set things right someday.

A. E. Spinnenweber Steubenville, Ohio

Deny them!

Alice F. Dudek Stoneham, Mass.

Give them a short talk of instruction and encourage them to read more about it, in a suitable pamphlet that I had available.

John E. Manning Rockville, Md.

Even if the prospective recipient seems insincere we have to trust the Spirit's power to transform even the hardest hearts. And we are in no position to decide whether the Spirit will or will not do so.

Eric Markinson Waldport, Oreg. (via online)

Q: What general comments do you have on this topic?

The sacraments aren't to be administered to the "perfect." They're supposed to help us become more perfect. I agree with Father Greeley: we need to lighten up on the laity and listen to them. We're a lot smarter than you think!

Name withheld Dunkirk, N.Y.

If it weren't for my innate faith, I think I'd have plenty of reason to leave the Catholic Church. Priests you once thought were so understanding will throw you to the dogs if you ruffle a few feathers.

Catherine A. Howd Methuen, Mass.

Thank God I have never had this problem myself. But as a pastor I have seen far too many people have problems, and so I always try to help them out--and in the long run, many good graces have happened. One time, I spent a stamp and a minute of my time to write for a baptismal certificate: six people came back to church, along with one marriage and a baptism!

Name withheld Spotsylvania, Va.

Greeley seems to imply that folks with doctorates don't need to go through a preparation program. I worked with one couple; one held a doctorate, the other a master's degree. Both were highly educated and knew how to give all the correct answers. The marriage lasted six weeks.

Father Joseph A. Miksch Columbus, Neb.

We've helped with marriage preparation, which provides examples for both sides of the argument. Too many couples are more concerned about reception and honeymoon preparations than about the religious ceremony. They expect the church to be available to them at their convenience, be it the date and time of the wedding, or the free use of the facilities and staff. Many of them are not regular church members but want to be married in a "pretty church" and are resentful that a "donation" is expected for the accommodations. They will spend thousands on a reception but resent a donation for receiving a sacrament in a building that does not exist just for their wedding.

Audrey and John R. Windorf Miller Place, N.Y.

The Association for the Rights of Catholics in the Church is well aware of the abuses that Father Greeley describes. Cases like this come across our desk every month. We are often asked to provide the names of sympathetic priests who will lovingly deal with people who are the victims of clerical abuse.

Mary Louise Hartman Princeton, N.J. (via online)

RELATED ARTICLE: Some advice from the field...

Life is very hectic. The church should try to be there and understand! We upset people and their families when we push for them to be at all these classes. My brother's second daughter is not baptized: he and his wife need to attend classes, but he works a lot of hours.

--Judy Joldrichsen of Toledo, Ohio

Some sacrament-preparation programs, such as those for marriage and Baptism, are valuable. Yet they need to be administered with compassion, not hard and fast rules. For example, parents seeking Baptism of their second child shouldn't need to go through the preparation again. And two widowed people who are marrying have different needs than young people marrying for the first time.

--Charlotte Rancilio of St. Louis, Mo.

A nonsacramental "christening" or "naming" ceremony--as a way of reaching out to the noninvolved, similar to what some Catholic churches are offering for marriage (i.e. a nonsacramental ceremony in a church setting)--might be helpful.

--William B. Dudley of St. Paul, Minn.

As a senior, I have not felt that the preparation regulations dealing with the sacraments are openly discussed with all who wish to learn, not just those preparing for the reception of the sacraments. I was amazed when a friend's child asked for my help in filling out a pre-Cana questionnaire. In my 42 years of marriage, I had never seen one--and I have never seen one since. When I requested a copy to peruse, I was told they were only for those contemplating marriage.

--Name withheld, from Sun City Center, Florida

Part of the problem I experience in the celebration of the sacraments is the minimization of the signs: wafers of bread, a small trickle of water, the mere outline of a white gown for Baptism. Why not real bread, to show the food we know we are being fed? Or a life-and-death submerging into water? This has happened to all of the church's sacramentals: on Palm Sunday, we are now handed a well-cut, two-leaf palm--not much to wave around.

--Sister Trudy Schommer of Preston, Minn.

Pre-sacramental programs should not try to be six weeks of the complete teachings of the Catholic Church. Keep it short (you can do it in one session), be informative but put limits on all the information, give participants time for reflection and self-expression, elicit questions.

--Barbara L. Beyer of Richmond Heights, Ohio

RELATED ARTICLE: AND THE SURVEY SAYS...

1. Sacraments should never be withheld, even if people decide not to attend preparation sessions.

agree       47%
disagree    34%
other       19%

2. If I encountered difficulty getting married or getting a child baptized, I wouldn't hesitate to try another parish.

agree       79%
disagree    13%
other        8%

3. Sacramental preparation that I've attended has generally been:

22%    So good that I would
       recommend it to
       anyone else in the
       community

32%    Pretty helpful

15%    Mildly interesting but
       unnecessary

7%     A complete waste
       of time

32%    Doesn't apply

8%     Other

AT YOUR SERVICE

For many more reader comments--and other helpful resources on this issue--visit us at www.uscatholic.org.

4. The best way to assure a sufficient respect and understanding of the sacraments is to:

2%     Simply rely on what
       young Catholics
       get taught in regular
       religious education

69%    Be sure that celebrations
       of the sacrament
       are moving enough
       and evident enough to
       convey the inherent
       wonder and beauty

31%    Prescribe mandatory
       sacramental preparation
       and to assure that it
       is done well

14%    Other

5. Parishes should make exceptions for those who can't easily meet pre-sacrament requirements.

agree       79%
disagree    12%
other        9%

6. Far from being abusive, parish staff usually have valid reasons to deny sacraments to certain people under certain circumstances.

agree       54%
disagree    28%
other       18%

7. I never knew that parish guidelines are not supposed to be ironclad rules, and that I have a right to receive the sacraments.

agree       50%
disagree    38%
other       12%

8. Local parishes should have the authority to set their own guidelines about receiving the sacraments.

agree       31%
disagree    59%
other       10%

9. Along with Father Andrew Greeley, I think that parishes should invite but never require people to attend sacramental preparation.

agree       53%
disagree    36%
other       11%

Note: in some cases, percentages don't add up to 100% because multiple answers were allowed.

All comments used in Feedback must be signed, but we withhold names on requests. We regret that space limitations force us to condense letters and that many cannot be used at all. Our thanks to all who wrote.

By Father Andrew Greeley, priest of the Archdiocese of Chicago, professor of sociology at the University of Chicago and the University of Arizona, and novelist.