SWALLOWS RETURN TO CAPISTRANO, SORT OF.

THERE'S A LONGTIME well-established image that sky-darkening hordes of swallows descend on Mission San Juan Capistrano in California every St. Joseph's Day in March after a 7,000 mile flight from their winter home in Argentina. That image was reinforced by the 1939 popular song "When the Swallows Come Back to Capistrano."

Actually, despite the common misunderstanding, the birds never did all arrive the same day. Some came early, and were labeled "scouts." Some flew in a few days later, and were termed "laggards," an unfairly derogatory term, since they may have been legitimately delayed by a hurricane over Honduras, or whatever.

The variation between image and reality was stretched further in 2000 when news stories headlined "Swallows Return to Capistrano on Schedule" reported that only six swallows showed up. Officials blamed the meager response on the scaffolding around buildings being reconstructed and the noise of construction crews.

Although the birds were in short supply, some 20,000 tourists flocked to the mission to see the swallows return.

Mission officials tried to entice swallows by scattering ladybugs on the rose bushes, making mud puddles to be used for nest building, and even building fake ceramic nests to con the birds into thinking there were friends nearby.

The swallows were said to be attracted originally to the many nooks and crevices on the mission as convenient places to build their nests. Officials insist that when renovations are completed in a few years (although they've raised only $6 million of the $10 million needed), the swallows will return, but the birds seem to have other ideas.

Throw Out Those Pills and Buy Some More

Food, of course, deteriorates in time, even if frozen or processed. So people think that medicines and such similarly lose their potency over time. We are not surprised to find a cutoff date on medicines, perhaps phrased like "good until such and such a date."

Note, however, it doesn't say whether it's still good after that date.

Fifteen years ago, the U.S. military wondered whether it needed to destroy and replace its multi-billion dollar stockpile of drugs every few years. The Food and Drug Administration then tested more than a hundred drugs. It found that 90 per cent of them were safe and effective far beyond the "cutoff" date, even to 15 years or more.

Francis Flaherty, former director of the testing program, said manufacturers put the dates on "for marketing, not scientific reasons."

This Shelf Life Extension Program has sparked a Congressional investigation into how expiration dates are established.

Romeo & Juliet Angle in Hong Kong Cola Wars 

It seems that two of Hong Kong's hottest pop stars became what the gossip columnists call an "item." But Nicholas Tse and Faye Wong tried to be circumspect about their relationship, since he is a spokesperson featured in ads for Coca-Cola and she does the same for Pepsi-Cola, and they feared their employers would object, due to the intense rivalry between the products they promote.

Crisis came late one night when Mr. Tse left Ms. Wong's house and found paparazzi lying in wait for him. As he pulled away in his car, he hurled a can of cola out of the window at them.

It was a Pepsi. Newspapers speculated that Mr. Tse's future with Coke was in jeopardy.

But B. C. Lo, a Coke executive in Hong Kong, said Mr. Tse could date whomever he wanted, as long as he was not actually seen drinking Pepsi-Cola.

Post Office Honors Seinfeld's Apartment

The U.S. Postal Service issued stamps to commemorate what Americans voted the 15 cultural phenomena that best represent the 1990s. One was the TV sitcom Seinfeld.

One might think the stamp would picture Jerry Seinfeld, perhaps with his three associates on the show. But instead it merely shows the rather ordinary-looking interior of his apartment.

A Postal Service official explained that people appear on U.S. stamps only ten years after their death, except for deceased Presidents who are eligible for philatelic memorialization on their first birthday after their demise.

We Ran This Line Upside Down on Purpose

An art show in San Francisco called "Inverted Art" had all paintings hung upside down. Gallery-goers were strapped into a machine that turned them upside down to see the art. One man said he "will never be able to look at art the same way again."

Different Views of Pearl Harbor

December 7, 1941, when Japanese planes attacked the U.S. fleet in Pearl Harbor, was termed "a date which will live in infamy" by President Franklin D. Roosevelt at the time. But Disney's promotional flyer in Japan for the movie "Pearl Harbor" describes it as the day "when the blue of sea and sky were in an instant stained deep crimson" and "love alone was the last paradise left to young people."

Linguistic Acrobatics Over Spy Plane

An American spy plane, damaged off the coast of China when a Chinese plane barged into it, landed in China. Diplomatic negotiations to get the Chinese to release the 24 men aboard were stymied, with the Chinese demanding an apology and Americans asserting the U.S. had done nothing wrong.

The impasse ended after the United States issued a statement expressing "sincere regret" over the lost Chinese pilot, and stating it is "very sorry the entering of Chinese airspace and the landing did not have verbal clearance." Chinese TV translated this "very sorry" with a Chinese word connoting an admission of fault. The Chinese apparently accepted this "apology," while the U.S. pointed out it had not said "apology," no matter how that might be translated.

(*.) Robert Wanderer, a founder member of the San Francisco Chapter of ISGS and former longtime Editor of the Chapter newsletter, The Map, has contributed many articles to ETC. In 1999, he received the J. Talbot Winchell Award for furthering the understanding of general semantics.