SURFING THE TUBE.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

TODAY

Gotta tune in just to see if the Braves actually sell this thing out at Turner Field. NLDS Game 5: San Francisco at Atlanta, Channel 11, 5 p.m.; NFL: Green Bay at Chicago, Channel 7, 6 p.m.

TUESDAY

``We finally got that monkey off our back,'' Tim Salmon exclaimed after the Angels clinched their first postseason series in team history. With apologies to one Rall E. Monkey, is that the best cliche he could come up with? By the way, that was only the first round. The Angels have been one victory away from the World Series twice but came up short. A much bigger gorilla awaits. ALCS Game 1: Angels at Minnesota, Channel 11, 5:20 p.m.; NBA exhibition: Lakers vs. Clippers in Bakersfield, Channel 9, 7:30 p.m.

WEDNESDAY

The NHL season opens, and the Kings finally have decided to retire Wayne Gretzky's No. 99 in a big whoop-de-do before the game against Phoenix at Staples Center. Never mind the fact the NHL already retired the number three years ago. ALCS Game 2: Angels at Minnesota, Channel 11, 5:20 p.m.; NLCS Game 1: St. Louis at Atlanta/San Francisco at St. Louis, Fox Sports Net 2, 5:20 p.m.; NHL: Phoenix at Kings, Fox Sports Net, 7:30 p.m.

THURSDAY

Commissioner Bud Selig apologized to St. Louis Cardinals fans for allowing the team's opener of the NL Divisional Series against Arizona in Phoenix start at 10 p.m. CDT. Hey, there were three playoff games that day, two of 'em out West. ``It's a very tough situation, one where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't,'' Selig said. For the NLCS, the Cards fans finally get some damn respect. NLCS Game 2: St. Louis at Atlanta/ San Francisco at St. Louis, Channel 11, 5:20 p.m.; NHL: Ducks at St. Louis, Fox Sports Net, 5 p.m.; Toronto at Pittsburgh, ESPN2, 4:30 p.m.; Detroit at San Jose, ESPN2, 7:30 p.m.; College football: Virginia Tech at Boston College, ESPN, 4:30 p.m.

FRIDAY

Here's divine intervention: The Ducks start the NHL season on the road, otherwise traffic around the Pond and Edison Field would be a mess for the Angels' home opener in the ALCS. But what do you care? You're at home watching with a remote control. Carry on. ALCS Game 3: Minnesota at Angels, Channel 11, 5:20 p.m.; NHL: Ducks at Dallas, Fox Sports Net 2, 5:30 p.m.

SATURDAY

If Luc Robitaille drags that Stanley Cup with him to Staples Center tonight ... we'll all just have to give it a big wet kiss. ALCS Game 4: Minnesota at Angels, Channel 11, 4:50 p.m.; NLCS Game 3: Atlanta at St. Louis/St. Louis at San Francisco, Channel 11, 1:20 p.m.; College football: Florida State at Miami, Channel 7, 9 a.m.; Michigan State at Iowa, ESPN, 9 a.m.; Pittsburgh at Notre Dame, Channel 4, 11:30 a.m.; Tennessee at Georgia, Channel 2, 12:30 p.m.; Oregon at UCLA, Channel 7, 12:30 p.m.; Cal at USC, Fox Sports Net, 3:30 p.m.; Texas Tech at Iowa State, TBS, 4 p.m.; South Carolina at Kentucky, ESPN2, 3:30 p.m.; LSU at Florida, ESPN, 4:45 p.m.; BYU at Air Force, ESPN2, 7 p.m.; NHL: Detroit at Kings, Fox Sports Net, 7:30 p.m.; High school football: Long Beach Poly at Concord De La Salle, Fox Sports Net 2, 7 p.m.

SUNDAY

Witnessing the Raiders pummel the Rams just won't be as enjoyable this year. We suggest an alternative: Al Davis vs. Georgia Frontiere, ``Celebrity Boxing,'' five rounds, no saved- by-the-bell. Purse-swinging optional. ALCS Game 5, if necessary: Minnesota at Angels, Channel 11, 1:50 p.m.; NLCS Game 4: Atlanta at St. Louis/St. Louis at San Francisco, Channel 11, 4:50 p.m.; NFL: Cleveland at Tampa Bay, Channel 2, 10 a.m.; Green Bay at New England, Channel 11, 10 a.m.; Oakland at St. Louis, Channel 2, 1:15 p.m.; Miami at Denver, ESPN, 5:30 p.m.; NASCAR: UAW-GM Quality 500 from Concord, N.C., Channel 4, 9:30 a.m.; NHL: Detroit at Ducks, Channel 9, ESPN2, 6 p.m.

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