SURELY, MCCOURT JESTS.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Just when you had to guess that the job market is spilling over with bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, fantasy-team junkies, there comes a moment when you gotta hold back a snicker trying to rehash and re-trash this ever-changing list of potential Frank McCourt jesters, right?

You're telling us Gillick would rather come out of semi-retirement and submit himself to the inhumane second-guessing of the vile Philadelphia sports landscape?

And Hunsicker would rather be the No. 2 guy for a 28-year-old intern in Tampa Bay?

But Hart has his heart in coming back?

While Towers won't even come down from his to take a meeting?

Yet they're seriously considering the enigmatic Ng?

So does that mean Go-Go Gilbert is gone?

And why hasn't Beinfest been called?

And why hasn't Bowden been called?

Can you blame Epstein for putting on a gorilla suit?

So how does Hershiser bulldog his way onto the scene after all this?

And why hasn't Lasorda been campaigning for himself?

Claire, in a moment of clarity, anyone?

Is it true Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are still dead?

--You think they can afford to wait until Feb. 14 to announce a Hart-Valentine ticket?

--If five measly wins is enough to get Charlie Weis a 10-year deal at Notre Dame, shouldn't Pete Carroll be pretty close to a couple of consecutive lifetime contracts at USC?

--With all that LenDale White put himself through on Halloween, is it a leap of faith to say the team believes in Carroll's methods?

--Think the goofball who ran on the field and snatched the ball from Brett Favre actually did the Packers QB a favor? Is it any surprise Favre is doing promos for Prilosec?

--Is Bill ``The Slasher'' Callahan more aligned with Ozzy Osbourne than Tom Osborne?

--Is Monday's Colts-Patriots game in New England? Then how do you not go with Brady's Bunch?

--If the PGA is so bent on mirroring the success of NASCAR, why not just allow all the competitors to drive suped-up golf carts? And put restrictor plates to all the oversized drivers? And force all the caddies to wear the HANS device?

--Does A-Rod think that by passing himself off as a hot-shot poker player, he has a shot at Jennifer Tilly?

--How soon before the 49ers hack down a rain forest to find ``Survivor'' competitor Gary Hogeboom as a backup to Jesse ``The Bachelor'' Palmer on this reality-show roster of has-beens?

--Smush, Kwame, Kobe ... but no Succotash?

--Why doesn't Red Auerbach save his cigar-stenched breath for better things - like breathing?

--What can Donovan McNabb's mom slip into T.O.'s Chunky Ego Chowder?

--Doesn't Mark Cuban actually look better in a loud royal blue blazer than a rumpled T-shirt?

--Is the guy who tags along with Traveler on the USC sidelines also responsible for following Snoop Dogg with a pooper scooper?