STRANGE THINGS HAPPEN (YAWN) 'VERITAS: THE QUEST' AND 'MIRACLES' MUDDLE THROUGH THE SUPERNATURAL.

Byline: David Kronke Television Critic

ABC has a pretty cool show that not nearly enough people are watching called ``Alias,'' in which the lithesome Jennifer Garner dons really tight outfits and battles evil wherever it may appear on the globe. Part of the problem with ``Alias'' is that its story line is unnecessarily dense and its mythology (to borrow a term popularized by ``The X-Files'') is too convoluted for casual viewers - which is to say, what all of us have become these days - to follow.

If folks won't bother to track a complicated story line to watch Garner pour herself into skintight outfits, what hope is there for shows like ``Miracles'' and ``Veritas: The Quest,'' which both debut tonight and feature what appear to be tricky ongoing plots without the benefit of Garner's physique to bolster them?

ABC's chairman of entertainment Lloyd Braun recently declared, ``We have been actually very careful, as have our producers, to not create a show that is too serialized.''

Now, I'm not one to suggest that a TV executive would actually lie, but clearly Braun hasn't paid very close attention to either show's pilot episode. Both shows establish some pretty high stakes - in ``Miracles,'' it's the end of the world; in ``Veritas,'' it's the fabric of time itself - that aren't likely to be resolved anytime soon.

Other than that, the shows couldn't be more dissimilar. ``Miracles'' takes itself way too seriously, while ``Veritas'' scarcely can be bothered to take itself seriously at all.

``Miracles'' stars Skeet Ulrich as seminarian Paul Callan, who investigates phenomena the Catholic Church can't explain (let's just say the Catholic Church can't explain a lot these days). After skewering all manner of paranormal activity - he's Mulder and Scully rolled into one - and waking violently from not-too-disturbing dreams, he laments, ``The one thing I haven't seen is the true spirit of God. I'm beginning to think that maybe we're alone down here.'' He's considering the oldest of first-episode tropes - quitting his job.

Soon, however, he's seeing something that leads him to gravely observe, ``Maybe we're not alone, and maybe that's not such a good thing.'' To wit: Paul meets a young boy who heals people, and, when Paul himself is gravely if conveniently injured, the boy rescues him from certain death and then dies himself, leaving behind a blood-splattered message: ``God is now here.'' Or is it ``God is nowhere?''

We're confronted with a couple of possibilities here: One, there's a chilling force upon this planet. Two, Skeet's seriously delusional and unhinged, and his fantasies cause him to drive erratically and cause unnecessary train wrecks that inspire guys with bizarre names (Sodalitas Quaerito) who declare ominously if opaquely that ``a large event is coming,'' and dispense business cards that list an address, but no city.

``Miracles'' conjures up a mesmerizingly brooding atmosphere that is easily jettisoned if one thinks in logical terms. (By the way, shouldn't Paul be most intrigued with how someone can look so hauntingly like Johnny Depp but have a completely different career trajectory?) Films like ``Touch'' and ``The Third Miracle'' have tanked at the box office, suggesting viewers aren't that interested in the subject at hand.

On the other hand, ``Veritas: The Quest'' represents a bizarre mix in which ``Lara Croft: Tomb Raider'' collides head-on with ``Everwood,'' resulting in the kind of hubris that infects Hollywood when some show- runner just naturally believes we'll sop up their attenuated yarns just because they think it's vaguely cool. It mistakes relentless silliness for camp, forgetting that a modicum of intelligence is also necessary to engage viewers, as well.

Nikko Zond (Ryan Merriman) is your typical annoying mouthy teenager, a rebel ever since he saw his mother get atomically scorched by an archaeological ruin as a child. He soon discovers that Solomon (Alex Carter), his much-loathed estranged father, is an Indiana Jones wanna-be with cool gizmos and weapons to protect him from evildoers who don't want him to discover - well, something.

When his dad strands him in Paris - sigh - with a tutor named Juliette Droil, Nikko petulantly responds, ``Miss Droil? You mean like 'boil' only with a 'dr'?'' Of course, far from the wizened spinster he's expecting, she's a hottie. And when he proffers his hand, it has, for some reason or another, a pair of his underwear hanging from it. This is the sort of lazy writing that screenwriters slip into a script when they can't think of anything good but want to keep their momentum going, promising themselves they'll improve it later.

Nikko also meets one of his dad's bodyguards, who informs him, ``In certain cultures, boys your age are run out off into the jungle, starved for three days in a hut, blindfolded, circumcised with a blunt rock and then told they can't come home until they kill a lion with their bare hands.'' Great - now he's given Fox its next reality series.

Anyway, apparently there are ancient Egyptian artifacts beneath the Paris Metro that will alter the face of time itself. And we'll let an actual ABC press release relate the plot of a future episode: ``Solomon teams up with Bella Nicholson, a femme fatale tomb raider/scientist, to find an ancient crystal skull owned by Hitler that can revolutionize molecular science.''

And yep, it's every bit as stupid as it sounds. Sample lines: ``You don't know who you're dealing with!'' ``The skulls were constructed molecule by molecule, a process that would take 300 years using current, state-of-the-art equipment!'' And don't forget Nikko's lucid assessment of the situation: ``This whole Nazi thing just freaks me out.''

Material this loopy requires something audiences can latch onto, but the characters are too smug and the plotting too idiotic for any empathy. ``Veritas'' might more honestly be titled ``Bos Effluvium.''

MIRACLES - Two stars

What: A spiritual ``X-Files'' starring Skeet Ulrich.

Where: ABC (Channel 7).

When: 10 tonight.

In a nutshell: Too serious for its own good.

VERITAS: THE QUEST - Two stars

What: Archaeologists roam the world in order to conquer it!

Where: ABC (Channel 7).

When: 8 tonight.

In a nutshell: Too silly for its own good.

CAPTION(S):

2 photos

Photo:

(1) Skeet Ulrich, right, with Jacob Smith, is a Catholic seminarian looking for the true spirit of God in ``Miracles.''

(2) Ryan Merriman, left, Liz Vassey and Alex Carter in ``Veritas: The Quest,'' an archaeological exploration of potentially world-changing phenomena.