STAYING CONNECTED ALIEN (EXTERMI)NATION.

Byline: Redmond Carolipio Staff Writer

TOM CRUISE deals with alien ships and mass destruction in his latest movie. But what about an anal probe that makes your head explode?

That's the kind of goofy unpleasantness that comes with ``Destroy All Humans,'' a title that oozes contempt for the planet Earth and compels you to become the ultimate hater of homo sapiens - all while poking fun at a nation at the height of its paranoia.

The game is a silly but mean-spirited romp through McCarthy-era America, where being an alien and being a Communist were basically considered the same thing. Being accused of either one would lead to anything from a nasty glare from your neighbor to flat-out mob violence.

This historical backdrop could be looked at as the game's way to rationalize many of the wicked things the game asks you to do to others.

``Grand Theft Auto III'' did something similar with Liberty City, portraying the metropolis as a morally defunct cesspool that couldn't possibly be made worse by anything the player did. Surely, the thinking goes, these people have something coming to them.

The something-bringer in ``Destroy All Humans'' is Crypto, a darkish-silver offshoot of the aliens from the movie ``Mars Attacks!'' He's got a big head, small body, and sounds like a cross between John Wayne and Jack Nicholson.

But Crypto is no Martian. He's a member of the Furon race, which exists only to eat Martians and other races for breakfast. His mission on Earth is to examine and eventually annihilate all life.

And he starts with our cows.

The game's layout at the start is much like ``GTA'' and many other mission-based titles. Before sending you on your way, there are tutorial screens that describe Crypto's inherent abilities.

This is where the cows come in. At the start, Crypto can read thoughts (``moooo'') as well as demonstrate his ability to lift things with his mind. Within minutes, the game has you chucking bovines all over the pasture. Of course, this ticks off the nearby farmers, and the game truly begins.

Crypto is armed with an array of weapons. Among them are the standard issue ``zap-o-matic,'' a fiery disintegrator rifle - and yes, the launchable anal probe.

Players who score a hit with this are treated to the sight of a person running around and clutching their backside, moments before their heads detonate in a greenish mist, leaving only a brain (which you collect for DNA upgrade points).

Aside from collecting brains, the game asks you to do anything from leveling a town fair with your flying saucer to screening alien propaganda flicks at the local drive-in movie theater.

Standing in your way are enemies that range from the local cops to the agents of Majestic, who are like the game's answer to the Men in Black.

The game evokes a ``GTA''-style alert system, where the level of ruckus you create elevates the kind of resistance you face. Players can keep the alert level down by using a holographic disguise and eluding their attackers.

All of these elements weave together nicely, as the game alternates effectively between mindless seek-and-destroy missions and challenging time trials that require mastery of Crypto's talents.

But the planetary eradication isn't without some minor annoyances. Many of the typical humans in the game are almost too stupid, even for a comedic body of work.

Only the Majestic agents seem to have a clue on how to pursue a running Crypto - everyone else is just a quick hologram away from simply leaving you alone.

The novelty of the ``thought reading'' process can wear thin as well, as you'll find that many of the humans you run into are thinking the exact same thing. One can be subjected to offbeat lesbian fantasies about Jane Russell for only so long.

But the inventive nature of ``Destroy All Humans'' is more than enough to overcome those issues. And admit it, there have been times in our history where the human race has probably needed a good kick in the pants.

Or in this case, a probe.

DESTROY ALL HUMANS - Three and one half stars

Platform: PS2, Xbox.

Price: $49.99.

Rated: T for Teen (but heads blow up - remember this).

In a nutshell: Show mankind who's boss in this campy adventure that borrows from ``Grand Theft Auto.''

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no caption (video game: ``Destroy All Humans'')

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