SPOOF ON HOLLYWOOD AND MOB TIES LOSES ITS STING QUICKLY.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic

FOR THOSE WHO thought Robert Altman's ``The Player'' was too mean, there is now an alternative, though no one is likely to remember it. Jeff Nathanson, the writer behind Steven Spielberg's recent unwelcome excursions into blandness (``The Terminal,'' ``Catch Me If You Can'') makes his directorial debut with ``The Last Shot,'' a hit-and-miss broadside at Hollywood and the cockeyed optimists who dream of making it big in movies.

The movie, which Nathanson also wrote, is based on a true story about FBI agents who, in a sting operation, pawned themselves off as producers, bought a screenplay and started production on a movie, all in an effort to nab a few mobsters. It's a great story, which is why it's even more of a shame that Nathanson can't do more with it than play up our already preconceived notions about fame and the movie business.

Alec Baldwin plays the FBI agent; Matthew Broderick is Steven Schats, the hapless Hollywood dreamer. They're both hoping for bigger things. Baldwin's agent wants to nab big-name mobsters, while Broderick simply wants somebody to produce his tearjerker about a suicidal woman's journey to Hopi Indian spirit caves. Also looking for a break is Steven's no-talent girlfriend, Valerie (Calista Flockhart), a profane little firecracker tired of living next door to a Hollywood dog kennel.

Nathanson gets some good visual jokes out of the fact that Steven's movie, titled ``Arizona,'' must be relocated to Providence, R.I., in order for the sting operation to work. Steven, not knowing he's a pawn, doesn't quite understand how a landfill is going to double for the Grand Canyon, but he's willing to try to get his movie made.

That can-do spirit is also exemplified by Oscar-nominated actress Emily French (Toni Collette, letting her hair down and having a blast), who pees in a wine glass in a hotel restaurant, just to show that she's ready, willing and able to prove to the film's insurers that she's drug-free.

But for every moment that works, there are whole subplots (one involving ``Bonanza'') that go nowhere. Broderick's amiableness is used well, but Nathanson doesn't know what to do with Baldwin, who seems straight-jacketed throughout. Worse, most of the jokes simply fall flat. Contrary to popular belief, most people in Hollywood can laugh at themselves, but it helps if the gag is funny. ``The Last Shot,'' for the most part, isn't.

Glenn Whipp, [phone]

glenn.whipp(at)dailynews.com

THE LAST SHOT - Two stars

(R: language, some sexual content)

Starring: Matthew Broderick, Alec Baldwin, Toni Collette, Calista Flockhart.

Director: Jeff Nathanson.

Running time: 1 hr. 33 min.

Playing: Pacific's Galleria Stadium 16 in Sherman Oaks; Pacific Paseo Stadium 14 in Pasadena; AMC Burbank 16 in Burbank; Pacific's The Grove in Beverly Hills; Hollywood ArcLight; AMC Santa Monica Seven.

In a nutshell: Inconsequential satire about Hollywood dreamers.

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Alec Baldwin, left, plays an undercover FBI agent working as a producer on Matthew Broderick's movie in ``The Last Shot.''