SPIRITUAL GUIDES: How to stop and ask for direction.

Trying to find God in all the wrong places? Using the stuff of your everyday life, spiritual directors can set you on the right path.

While strolling along the beach in Santa Cruz, California, Mary Francis Giammona stops to enjoy the cool breeze coming off the Pacific Ocean. For this 38-year-old administrator, the wind wafting through her hair is an experience of divine presence. "It reminds me that God can be very gentle or strong, depending on what you need in your life;" she says.

This insight did not occur to Giammona on her own. She came to it with the help of her spiritual director, who continually challenges her to see God in all aspects of her life--even walks on the beach. "In spiritual direction I share my experiences of God and I try to see patterns and threads of God's plan for my life--my entire life," she says.

Meeting monthly with a spiritual director creates a sacred space where she can articulate and listen for God's movement in her relationships, work, and prayer life. "A lot of people think God stopped talking with the Old Testament. I think God is speaking to us just as clearly today, but we don't always take the time to read the signs of the times," she says. "We just need to step back and look at it. Spiritual direction has helped me with that."

Giammona's experience is not unique. More and more Catholic laypeople are choosing to explore the deeper dimensions of their lives with the help of a trained spiritual director. The trend took off after the Second Vatican Council and has been further fueled by the explosion of interest in all things spiritual in the past decade or two.

While more Americans seem to tune into Oprah for spiritual guidance than grace the doors of their local parish, this age-old practice gives Catholics a place to explore their spiritual longings, pump up their prayer lives, and even deal with their frustrations with the institutional church. Most important, they learn to draw connections between the God they hear about on Sundays and their experiences in the boardroom or the family room during the week. If nothing else, it gives them an excuse to spend an hour a month in intense introspection.

The trend is tough to track, but many agree it is burgeoning. Spiritual Directors International, a 9-year-old ecumenical network of spiritual directors, lists more than 3,340 members worldwide. In the United States, some 300 training programs--the majority of them with Catholic connections--are preparing an increasing number of laypeople to serve as companions on the spiritual journey.

In fact, many spiritual directors prefer the term companion, insisting that they merely facilitate the process of direction through "holy listening."

"I'm not the director. God is," says Dominican Sister Rita Petrusa, who has been a spiritual companion for 10 years and directs the Institute of Spiritual Companionship, an ecumenical training program for spiritual directors in Chicago. "I'm here to help people find the direction from within."

Most spiritual companions see their role as assisting seekers to uncover and discover the direction of God in their lives. "The director's purpose is to walk with the person, illuminating the directee's journey of faith," says Deborah Keenan, a spiritual director in Hamburg, New York.

Other descriptions of spiritual direction frequently use metaphors such as "midwife," "coach," "mentor," or "spiritual friend."

"I see my role as a kind of fellow wanderer," says Dick Poole, a Lutheran minister and co-director of the spiritual direction training program at the Claret Center in Chicago. "As a spiritual companion, I'm a privileged listener who invites the person to listen and look more deeply."

Karen Williams, who sees a spiritual director at the Wellstreams Center of Feminine Spirituality in Chicago, describes the process as an opportunity to tell her own story. "My spiritual director gently reminds me that I know more than I think I do," she says. "She always brings it back to trusting God within you, your inner wisdom."

That encouragement to trust that God is speaking to her, combined with some practical suggestions about prayer, has made a real difference in Williams's life.

"Spiritual direction really helped me look at myself truthfully--what kind of person I was and what kind of person I want to be," says the Chicagoan. "Now I have a whole different level of acceptance about myself." This empowering approach to spiritual companionship is a long way from the older model in which spiritual directors gave rigid advice or instructed their charges about what their relationship with God should look like.

Historically, spiritual direction can be traced to ancient monastic communities; it was reserved to priests and religious until the past few decades. Only after Vatican II confirmed that all Catholics--including the laity--are called to live a spiritual life did the practice of spiritual direction become popular for ordinary people in the pews.

"There was a shift in the late 1960s from a formal teaching style in spiritual direction to actually listening to somebody's experiences and trusting that God is already there," says Steve Wirth, associate director of the spiritual direction training program in the Archdiocese of Louisville, Kentucky. When that training program began 10 years ago, Wirth knew of only three trained spiritual directors in the archdiocese. Now he estimates there are more than 50, the majority of whom are laypeople.

What it is ... and isn't

Despite its growing popularity, many Catholics are still a little fuzzy on what spiritual direction is--and what it isn't. Jeffrey Gaines, executive director of Spiritual Directors International, defines it as "the art of Christian listening carried out in the context of a one-to-one trusting relationship."

A spiritual director helps people take the stuff of everyday life--last night's quarrel with a spouse, the challenge of parenting a teenager, an ethical dilemma at work--and see God working in their lives through those experiences. A companion's role is to encourage the seeker to go deeper by asking questions, paying attention, and making suggestions.

Most spiritual directors assume an "incarnational theology" that sees God as present in all of life, says Petrusa of the Institute of Spiritual Companionship. "In spiritual direction, people talk about what's going on in their lives and listen to how God might be present and what God is saying," she says.

Topics for conversation include work, relationships, prayer life, dreams--many of the same issues that a therapist or pastoral counselor might discuss with a client. But spiritual direction is not psychotherapy.

Psychotherapy and pastoral counseling assume the client has a problem or issue that is preventing them from leading a healthy life. "In spiritual direction, there's the assumption that the person is already whole, but maybe hasn't embraced their wholeness fully," says Gaines.

While two rooms--one with a psychotherapist and client and one with a spiritual director and directee--might look similar at first glance, a closer inspection reveals important differences.

"In psychotherapy, the clinical distance is crucial to bringing about objectivity and change. But spiritual direction is based on the intimate engagement of two people," says Gaines, who is an ordained Presbyterian minister and spiritual director.

Although pastoral counseling and spiritual direction both contain an element of the spiritual and the psychological, the emphasis is reversed, says Petrusa. "In pastoral counseling the primary focus is on psychological health, but bringing the spiritual into it. The focus in spiritual direction is on the spiritual, but bringing psychological health into it."

Not just navel-gazing

As one of the organizers of the Liturgically Incorrect Players, a group of professional Los Angeles-area actors that experiments with creative ways to present the gospel message, Jane Leyden has plenty of opportunities to explore the spiritual dimension of her life.

But she notices a difference between the conversations with her spiritual director and those with close friends, colleagues at the mentoring program where she works, or fellow Christian actors. "It's more of a professional relationship," says Leyden, who also is an associate with the Franciscan Sisters of Little Falls, Minnesota. "There's something about getting an objective view of your life and how you relate to God."

She says seeing the appointment with her spiritual director in her Day-Timer keeps her on track.

"It's the outward sign of my commitment to develop myself spiritually," says Leyden, a parishioner at St. Monica's Parish in Santa Monica, California. While spouses, friends, small faith communities, and other soul mates may also provide a forum for spiritual soul-searching, those relationships differ from spiritual direction in that they are mutual. "In spiritual direction, the focus is totally on me and my journey," explains Petrusa.

But that doesn't mean spiritual direction is mere navel-gazing. In fact, spiritual direction should help Christians integrate their spirituality into other areas of their lives, including parish and community involvement. "Direction can never be narcissistic," says Gaines. "If spiritual direction doesn't lead someone to be more involved in the world, something's wrong."

As people get in touch with "what gives them life," that enthusiasm automatically spills over into relationships, parish life, and social issues, says Poole. It's not uncommon for people in spiritual direction to get frustrated with structures or see inconsistencies in their beliefs and the practices of institutions. "They're willing to be more out front, even somewhat challenging to leadership," he says. "God has a way of pushing at the edges sometimes."

Wirth also believes spiritual direction must be connected to community life. "It has to, if it's authentic," he says. "Gone is the old stereotype of me and Jesus, that the spiritual life is something private and interior."

That fits with the belief that God works in all aspects of life--not just explicitly religious ones. "We teach that God is available in all of life, and we really mean that," says Wirth. "You can hear the movement of the Spirit at General Motors equally as much as in a parish or on a retreat."

The fruits of spiritual direction

Paul Sadek, a parishioner at St. Joseph Cathedral in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, sees his spiritual director as a wise sage who can teach him about the Christian life. "A spiritual director is someone who is willing to walk with you on your journey, ideally a few steps ahead," says Sadek, who has been in spiritual direction for several years.

His sessions with his spiritual director are informal. "He'll ask me what's been going on since we last met, where God is leading me, and how have I fallen away. Then he helps me see how I can try to get myself off my spiritual butt and back in line," he says.

Sadek says spiritual direction has helped him come to terms with his wife's chronic illness and guided him in the decision to become a secular Carmelite. "I always come away being very aware of the Lord's love for me," he says. Other "fruits" of spiritual direction can include a sense of inner peace, healthier relationships, a more satisfying work life, or the courage to be prophetic without fear.

Gaines won't go so far as to say it will make a person happier. "But spiritual direction allows a person to be more honest about who they are and whose they are and to live a more integrated life," he says.

Wirth of the Louisville archdiocese attributes the growing popularity of spiritual direction to the fact that "people are actually finding God, which is the point of all this religion business," he says. "The coolest thing is that people start to bump into a real God that is different from just their ideas about God."

Is it for you?

Yet spiritual direction may not be for everyone. The process demands a certain level of spiritual maturity and commitment, say both spiritual companions and those who have been in direction.

"It takes courage to go through spiritual direction," says Vincent Liberto of St. Catherine of Siena Parish in Metairie, Louisiana, who has been in spiritual direction for almost 10 years. "It can be hard to bare your soul to someone. And it makes you take some areas of your life you might not want to look at and forces you to look at them."

One director puts it bluntly: "If you don't want to go there, don't waste your time."

Gaines believes people are "called" to enter spiritual direction. "It's not something you do just because it's the new thing on the block," he says. An inner yearning or desire for something more usually leads people to try spiritual direction. They may be prompted by their prayer life, vocational discernment, or relationship or sexuality issues. Often people are looking for a safe space to work through grief or transition.

Poole says people often come to direction in "desert times." "If people find themselves against a wall, I invite them to experience that because I think God is present in that experience," says Poole, who has been a spiritual director for eight years. "My job is not to make it better for them, but to invite them to be with that."

Even if they don't name it as such, people often come to spiritual direction seeking intimacy with God. "Sitting with a spiritual director can help one find some clarity about those deeper issues," says Gaines.

That clarity comes from within the person, but it is not merely the wishes of the ego, he says. "A spiritual director helps them see the truth within them ... and that truth is God, not some ego truth."

For today's busy seekers, spiritual direction can provide an accountability that otherwise eludes them in the hectic rat race of 10-hour workdays, nonstop carpooling, and the need to return dozens of e-mails each day.

"So many people are living at such a fast pace. Spiritual direction gives you time to really slow down and listen," says Petrusa.

"I don't think our culture is particularly good at inviting people to reflection," says Poole. "Rather than just skim over the events of their lives, I invite people to slow down and really look at them."

Gaines also sees a craving for quiet among many Americans, and he thinks the Holy Spirit is responding to that need with the option of spiritual direction. "I think one of the reasons spiritual direction is surfacing now as we approach the new millennium is its ability to make people stop and just be--at least for an hour," he says.

Even corporate types are sensing the importance of climbing off the corporate ladder for a few moments, according to Gaines. The latest trend in spiritual direction has nonprofit organizations and even a few progressive businesses hiring spiritual directors to help them discern whether or not they are living up to their corporate charisms.

The trend only continues to grow, as more and more laypeople are finding their niche in the ministry and becoming trained as spiritual directors. Although laypeople who already work in parishes or other church ministry are more likely to be introduced to spiritual direction than the average person in the pew, the gift is not limited to professional church people.

Many spiritual directors discover their calling when they realize that friends and family already tend to seek them out for a listening ear and a comforting or challenging word.

Spiritual directors say they are doubly enriched--as they continue in their own private spiritual direction and also through their conversations with those they serve as companions. Says Petrusa: "Being a spiritual director really helps me to stay faithful to my own spiritual journey."

RELATED ARTICLE: WANTED: SPIRITUAL COMPANION

SELECTING A SPIRITUAL director is a little like finding a marriage partner, a best friend, or a soul mate. The search may take trial and error, persistence and prayer. Ultimately, many believe, God brings the right people together.

One man described the process as "looking for that special someone." Others mention feeling a connectedness when meeting with their spiritual director for the first time. Certainly there's an element of a personal fit in such an intimate relationship. A recommendation from someone you respect is a great way to find a spiritual director, but not everyone will click with the same person.

At the most basic level, spiritual companions should be excellent listeners who are aware of their own spiritual journeys as well as the church's tradition. They should also understand and respect the sacredness and confidentiality of the relationship. In short, a companion must be someone with whom you can trust your life story.

To be avoided: spiritual directors who are too eager to fix a problem or push their own agenda. Beware of someone who is convinced that God is telling them what you should do or who wants to teach you to be like them.

"A good quality in a spiritual director is an ability to be with people in what I call cycles of life, death, and resurrection without trying to fix or rescue or give easy answers," says Rita Petrusa, director of the Institute of Spiritual Companionship in Chicago.

In fact, spiritual direction is more about asking questions than supplying answers. "It is the director's place to help you listen to your own heart, not control you," says Terri Mifek, a spiritual director in Bloomington, Minnesota.

A spiritual companion should be able to listen without judgment and maintain an attitude of openness. After all, the direction comes from God; the spiritual companion is only a guide.

The number of people working in this ministry has exploded in recent years, but because there is no certification process, anyone can hang out a shingle and call her- or himself a spiritual director. It is wise to ask about a person's training, which should have included some sort of supervised practicum.

JEFFREY GAINES of Spiritual Directors International suggests four requirements when choosing a spiritual director: 1) He or she should have completed a training program, 2) be in spiritual direction themselves, 3) be attached to some ecclesial tradition, and 4) be in supervision, that is, meeting with other directors to continue to improve his or her skills.

Training, however, does not guarantee a good director. Neither does ordination. Don't be afraid to ask for references. Even then, an initial face-to-face meeting will be necessary to see if the relationship is a good fit.

Opinions differ on whether a spiritual director should share the same faith tradition as the directee. Gaines of SDI believes listening for the movement of God supersedes the externals of religious denominations. So does Dick Poole of the Claret Center in Chicago: "I don't think God is bound by a faith tradition. And people's experiences are not bound by an institution," he says.

But because people often talk about their relationship to their faith tradition in spiritual direction, many opt for a companion who shares their denominational background. Also, some Catholics may prefer a spiritual director who is a priest so they can combine spiritual direction with the sacrament of Reconciliation. It is also common for directees, especially women, to choose a companion of the same gender.

Most important, a good spiritual companion will be a person of depth and faith. "You simply cannot guide someone else if you have never traveled within," says Mifek.

Steve Wirth of the Louisville Archdiocese's Ministry and Spirituality Office says a majority of people who call his office looking for a referral request a lay spiritual director. "I think there's a recognition that most priests today are so busy doing the sacraments and with parish duties," he says.

Many see spiritual direction as a charism--a gift God bestows equally on laypeople, if not more so. "I think lay folk are just as gifted and called to this ministry? says Gaines.

Not all spiritual directors charge for their services, although laypeople who are supporting themselves by their work are more likely to. An average fee ranges from $20 to $50 per session in most parts of the country. Sometimes a spiritual director will ask the person to donate the money to a charitable cause.

FINDING THE RIGHT spiritual director ii for you can be a challenge. Your parish is a good place to start; more and more churches are bringing spiritual directors on staff. Retreat centers or spirituality centers are other good sources of possible companions. SDI's Web site offers a list of such retreat centers at www. sdiworld.org. While SDI does not endorse or recommend any particular directors, it can connect people with a regional contact

Word of mouth tends to be one of the best ways to find a spiritual director. Or you may already know someone who seems to possess an inner peace or spirituality that you admire, "People can initially begin by approaching someone whose spiritual life they respect and asking that person to walk with them," says Gaines.

--HS