SPELLING LOVE G-I-V-E VALLEY BACHELORS DIG FOR LONGTIME COUPLES' SECRETS.

Byline: Mark Kellam Valley News Writer

What makes a marriage work? Millions of people around the world ask that question at some point in their lives.

Two Valley bachelors are searching for the answer through interviews with couples whose relationships have stood the test of time.

Mat Boggs and Jason Miller embarked on what they call "Project Everlasting" about three years ago. At that time, Boggs had recently visited his grandparents in Oregon for an extended time because his grandfather was dying of cancer. The stories Boggs heard from them about their enduring relationship stuck with him.

He told Miller he wanted to write a book about the wisdom of grandparents. Miller told him they should concentrate on one topic. "I said, `let's focus on something we both need help with - how to have long-lasting relationships," Miller said.

From interviews with couples who have been together 50-plus years, they are compiling a book titled, "Project Everlasting - The Marriage Masters' Secrets to Life-Long Love, Brought To You By Two Bachelors."

Boggs and Miller, both 28, came to the project from different vantage points. Boggs is a hopeless romantic and tends to fall in love with a woman every three months. He believes each one is "the one," but eventually his interest wanes and he stops dating them.

Miller used to have no interest in dating at all. "He was the antithesis of dating," Boggs said, chuckling. "More than one date was too much commitment for him."

Miller has opened up a bit recently, Boggs said. He met a woman at a friend's wedding in Hawaii and they started a long-distance relationship. She lives in San Diego. While they no longer date, the experience was a step forward for Miller.

In addition, the family lives of Miller and Boggs were very different. Boggs' parents, aunts, uncles and one set of grandparents all divorced after many years of marriage. The grandparents who inspired the project were the only older members of his family who stayed together.

Miller's parents, on the other hand, have been married for 28 years. "Growing up, my family was the only stable one among my friends," he said.

During the past three years, Boggs and Miller have gone up and down the West Coast, interviewing about 200 couples, many of them Valley residents. About 100 of them have been videotaped and the two bachelors plan to produce a documentary about their project in the future.

From June 1 to Oct. 1, they plan to go across the country interviewing couples, hitting all the states in the continental U.S.

Of the couples interviewed so far, the common thread among them is that they all decided at the beginning of their marriage that they would stay committed to the relationship no matter what comes down the road - whether it's job choices, financial problems, controlling in-laws or simple boredom.

Boggs and Miller told of one couple they interviewed who made a tough decision back during the Depression. The husband made only $300 a month. He was offered a job with Shell Oil Co. in New Guinea, making $3,000 a month. He could take his wife with him, but he would see her only every six weeks because he'd be working deep in the jungle.

The wife didn't want to go, so the husband turned down the job.

Another couple who were married late in life made a life-changing decision when the husband was 98 and the wife was 103.

While taking a road trip several years ago, the couple, who lived in the East Coast, visited Salem, Ore. The wife fell in love with the city. "To hear him describe her reaction, it was like it was Paris," Miller said.

One day the husband realized his wife wasn't getting the care she needed at the facility where she was living on the East Coast, so he packed up their car, put her wheelchair in the truck and moved her 3,000 miles so she could live her final days in the city she loved so much.

Boggs and Miller said other key qualities brought up by the interviewed couples included the importance of compromise and the value of accepting your partner, warts and all.

The couple who moved to Salem told Boggs and Miller that love is more than just a feeling. In fact, there will be times when you don't really love your spouse, but you stay committed and make choices that favor the marriage.

"They said, `you spell love G-I-V-E,'" Boggs said.

CAPTION(S):

photo

Photo:

(color) Jason Miller, left, and Mat Boggs with Boggs' grandmother Dorothy Manin, who inspired their project to discover the secrets to a long-lasting marriage.