SOUNDING OFF ESPY FOR SHARPEST TONGUE GOES TO ...

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Among the sights, sounds, smells and sarcasm that came out of Wednesday night's taping of the 14th annual (has it been that long?) ESPY Awards from the Kodak Theatre at Hollywood and Highland:

Lance Armstrong, preoccupied in France this time of year and somehow never able to make it to an ESPY show to receive his annual male athlete of the year award, sounded as if he was auditioning for an HBO comedy gig based on the stuff he pedaled through during his opening monologue.

We can't be sure which of this will make it past the ESPN censors during the final edit for Sunday's broadcast (6 p.m.), but among the zingers delivered by Armstrong, who last season hosted ``Saturday Night Live'' and is hardly foreign to this kind of host role:

On why he was picked to host the ESPYs: ``I told the producers I'd give my left nut to host this thing,'' said Armstrong, referring to his bout with testicular cancer. ``Actually, it was my right nut,'' he added.

On France participating in the World Cup: ``All their players tested positive ... for being (bleep)holes.''

He also made reference to actor Jake Gylenhaal from ``Brokeback Mountain'' sitting in the front row rather than ... never mind.

After the show, Armstrong was asked if his remarks about the French, who constantly accused him of blood doping or steroid use during his seven Tour de France victories, somehow went over the line.

``Well, if they'd lived with me and heard me at home, they'd know that was a step down,'' Armstrong said.

Melanie Troxel, the NHRA Top-Fuel racer nominated for both best female athlete and best driver, hardly seemed out of place all dolled up on the red carpet as she was escorted by husband Tommy Johnson Jr., a top Funny Car driver.

She admits she hadn't been told who had won the awards (eventually given to Annika Sorenstam and Tony Stewart, respectively) but as soon as it was over, she and Tommy were back in their motor home pushing the speed limit to get to Denver for this weekend's drag-race event near her hometown of Littleton, Colo., where she leads the Top Fuel standings.

``It was kind of stressful finding a dress and getting our schedule set to get out here,'' she said, mentioning that they drove out from the Midwest Nationals in Madison, Ill., after Sunday's final just to get here by Tuesday. ``But this is pretty wild.''

Former USC quarterback Matt Leinart ended up carrying around an ESPY Award -- one given to him and Texas' Vince Young for the 2006 Rose Bowl, voted Best Game.

``I'll probably give it to USC before going back to Arizona,'' Leinart said. ``It's not an individual award.''

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Roethlisberger's recovery tour continues

Ben Roethlisberger, the Pittsburgh Steelers' motorcycle-mangled quarterback who seems to be comfortable enough to go out in public now -- he did an interview with Jim Rome that ran on ESPN's ``SportsCenter'' Thursday and showed up at the taping of the ESPY Awards on Wednesday -- is part of the field for the American Century Championship celebrity golf tournament from Lake Tahoe that The Golf Channel airs today (11a.m.-2p.m.) and NBC has Saturday (1-3 p.m.) and Sunday (noon-3 p.m.).

The tournament for athletes and entertainers who can claim to have a USGA handicap of 10 or less (but somehow includes Charles Barkley) benefits Autism Speaks and the Lance Armstrong Foundation. For a list of competitors (including Armstrong, John Elway, Kyle Boller, Tommy Maddox, Carson Palmer and Bret Saberhagen), see www.tahoecelebritygolf.com.

FSN Prime Ticket launches a weekly half-hour ``Dodgers Insider'' show starting tonight (8:30 p.m.), this one starting with highlights from the recent Hollywood Stars Night softball game.

The Golf Channel has hired Nick Faldo as an analyst for its PGA Tour coverage that'll begin in 2007, the first of a 15-year cable partnership with the tour that starts with the Mercedes Championship, Sony Open and Bob Hope Chrysler Classic from Palm Springs.

CBS Sports college basketball analyst Bill Raftery will receive the Curt Gowdy Media Award at the Basketball Hall of Fame during the 2006 enshrinement festivities, Sept. 7-9 in Springfield, Mass.

HBO is requesting a $49.95 donation be made to your favorite local cable company if anyone's up for its pay-per-telecast of the rematch between Oxnard's Fernando Vargas and Pomona's Sugar Shane Mosley (Saturday, 6 p.m.). It'll also be in high definition to those 56 million pay-per-view homes that have such a thing.

The second season of the boxing reality show ``The Contender,'' which was to have debuted on ESPN last April, will launch Tuesday with a two-hour premiere at 7 p.m. None of the 16 contestants are from California. Sugar Ray Leonard returns as the host. ``Survivor'' creator Mark Burnett remains the executive producer of the series along with Jeffrey Katzenberg and Sylvester Stallone. The final will be a live broadcast on ESPN from Staples Center on Tuesday, Sept.26.

For the next five Sundays, OLN has a match from the coed World TeamTennis, starting this weekend (8:30 a.m.) with the Newport Beach Breakers (and Pete Sampras) facing the Sacramento Capitals, coming on right after Tour de France coverage in most cases.

CAPTION(S):

3 photos, 2 boxes

Photo:

(1) Show host Lance Armstrong accepts hisaward for best male athlete at the ESPYAwards on Wednesday.

Chris Carlson/Associated Press

(2) Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, injured in a motorcycle accident last month, tees off at Lake Tahoe.

Rich Pedroncelli/Associated Press

(3) NAHAN

Box:

(1) WHAT SMOKES

(2) WHAT CHOKES