SO WHEN DID TDS TURN INTO SHOW-AND-TELL?

Byline: NORMAN CHAD

So now it's not enough to celebrate after the touchdown; NFL players are trying to party it up during the touchdown.

You've got all sorts of guys who are pointing to relatives, friends and lovers while they're running down the sideline. Sure, Deion does it, but as my mother used to say when I'd plead with her, ``How come I can't grow a ponytail? John Sullivan's growing a ponytail!'':

``If John Sullivan jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff?''

If you're sprinting toward a score, you shouldn't stop to smell the roses. It's unprofessional. This would be like a cop, in the middle of a car chase, calling in a doughnut order on his cell phone.

My friends, it's a good rule, on and off the field, to take success in stride, plus, as Frank Perdue preached, ``Don't count your chickens before they hatch.''

(Heck, The Man remembers pumping his fist as he walked down the aisle to holy matrimony. Next thing you know, my new bride was my ex-wife.)

Last week, Bengals cornerback Artrell Hawkins picked up a Mark Brunell fumble at the Jaguars' 40-yard line and started down the sideline. It appeared to be a sure touchdown, but Hawkins began to celebrate - including pointing back at Jaguars tackle Tony Boselli - and Boselli caught Hawkins at the 15.

Last month Seahawks receiver Joey Galloway, while finishing off an 81-yard touchdown catch against San Diego, slowed down at the 10, turned around at the 5 to look back, did a complete 360, then walked in to the end zone. I immediately leaped at my TV set to knock Galloway down on his sweet behind, but, alas, even with today's satellite technology I could not reach him.

Joey, Joey, Joey - show some class, for goodness sakes. I mean, you never see meter maids high-fiving before the ticket is written. Geez.

(TV Tidbit I: On ESPN's ``Sunday Night Football,'' carnival barker Chris Berman ballyhoos his ``fastest three minutes on TV'' highlights. The past two weeks, Berman's bombastic segment has gone 3 minutes, 39 seconds and 3:45, which, I guess, actually makes it the slowest 3 minutes on TV.)

(TV Tidbit II: On ABC's ``Monday Night Football,'' budding analyst Boomer Esiason last week used the expression ``you know'' 54 times. That's 54 ``you knows'' in 180 minutes. You know, if Esiason's touchdown-interception ratio was as poor as his good comment/bad comment ratio, he would've been out of football, you know, a lot sooner.)

As always, the following point-spread picks should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wager:

49ers (-3) at Falcons: In a world gone mad, the Georgia Dome would be filled with high-society Atlantans watching the newfangled Falcons slap down the casino gold-digging 49ers to take over first place in the NFC West. Ah, but The Man believes in the old world order - and Steve Young. Pick: 49ers.

Packers (-7) at Giants: Let it be noted that the end of the Jim Fassel Era began when the scoreboard read ``Giants 22, Vikings 13'' with 1:38 to go last December in a playoff game that finished, I believe, ``Giants 22, Vikings 23.'' Pick: Packers.

Patriots at Bills (-3): Coach Pete Carroll is ``contemplating'' changes after the Patriots' 41-10 loss to the Falcons. This would be a little like Fred Goldman ``contemplating'' a civil suit. Pick: Bills.

Ravens (-1) at Chargers: Frankly, Ryan Leaf should heed the words of Travis Bickle, who said in ``Taxi Driver:'' ``I believe that someone should become a person like other people.'' Pick: Ravens.

Jets (-6) at Colts: Upon waiving P Bryan Hansen, Jets coach Bill Parcells explained that 3 yards and a cloud of dust should refer to a ground game, not a punting game. Pick: Colts.

Buccaneers at Jaguars (-7-1/2): Buccaneers QB Trent Dilfer is wearing Terry Bradshaw's face mask. What's next, Tony Dungy wearing Hank Stram's hair piece? Pick: Buccaneers.

Bengals at Vikings (-9-1/2): The Vikings' Jay Fiedler asked not to start at quarterback when he realized how it would increase his FICA deductions. Pick: Bengals.

Steelers at Oilers (-1): Suddenly-but not surprisingly, ye of little faith-my Tennessee To-Be-Named-Laters have that Super Bowl look. Pick: Oilers.

Broncos (-5-1/2) at Chiefs: Old photos of Marty Schottenheimer without glasses have been showing up on the Internet. Pick: Chiefs.

Cowboys (-3-1/2) at Cardinals: Sign of the times: Cowboys offensive line takes weekly field trip to Pottery Barn. Pick: Cardinals.

Seahawks (-1) at Raiders: Raiders penalties are now cross-indexed by type, distance, intent, degree of violence and stupidity. Pick: Seahawks.

Rams at Saints (-2-1/2): In the latest disciplinary crackdown, the Rams' Dick Vermeil banned Raisinets from the training table. Pick: Saints.

Bears at Lions (-5-1/2): I just saw ``Early Edition,'' and it said: ``Bears Bedazzle Lions.'' Pick: Bears.

Dolphins (-3) at Panthers: The Panthers' Dom Capers calls zone blitzes like J. Edgar Hoover ordered phone taps. Pick: Panthers.

Eagles at Redskins (-4-1/2): Reminder: This column is reserved for professional football only. Pick: Redskins.

Last week: 7-8.

Season record: 74-53-7.

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Photo

Photo: Seattle's Joey Galloway somehow made it into the end zone on this touchdown reception against San Diego last month without the usual theatrics.

Denis Poroy/Associated Press