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SHREDDED BLISS; Ratings war means soap weddings will always end in tears.



Byline: JOHN DINGWALL

FORGET wedding bells Wedding Bells can refer to:
  • The Wedding Bells is a comedy-drama series on the FOX TV network.
  • Wedding Bells is the name of an episode of Are You Being Served?.
, it will be alarm bells ringing when soap's latest newly-weds say "I do". You can forget about Steve Owen For other persons named Steve Owen, see Steve Owen (disambiguation).

Steven Richard "Steve" Owen was a fictional character in the popular BBC soap opera EastEnders. He was played by Martin Kemp.
 and Melanie Healy living happily ever after The term happily ever after is used in association with many works of children’s fiction and romantic fiction. It describes a happy ending, often a cliché in which all the good characters have emerged victorious and all the evil characters have been punished.  when they get hitched this week in EastEnders.

Instead of love and marital bliss, soap marriages are a recipe for disaster, sprinkled with spite, murder, deceit and adultery.

Those who walk down the aisle on Britain's long-running TV series are bigamists, killers, fraudsters and love cheats.

The Albert Square Albert Square is the fictional location of the popular BBC soap opera EastEnders. It is ostensibly located in the equally fictional London borough of Walford in London's East End.  couple are certain to become the latest casualties of a ratings war between the nation's favourite soaps.

As Queen Vic barmaid Melanie exchanges vows with club boss Steve on Thursday, she knows the chances of she and her new man celebrating even their first anniversary together are slim.

She's wearing lilac for the occasion, but the day is soon a blood-splattering crimson - their reverie shattered when her ex-lover Phil is PHIL IS Philippine Islands  shot down moments after the confetti has fallen.

Tamzin Outhwaite Tamzin Outhwaite (born on November 5, 1970) is an English actress best known for playing Melanie Owen in the BBC soap opera EastEnders. Early career
Outhwaite attended the Stagestruck Theatre Company as a teenager.
, as feisty barmaid Melanie, is only too aware of the chaos awaiting her big day as she takes her vows for the second time in just over a year.

Melanie walked out on Ian Beale Ian Albert Beale is a fictional character in the popular BBC soap opera EastEnders. He is played by Adam Woodyatt and is the only remaining member of the original cast that appeared from the first episode on 19 February 1985 to the present without a break.  hours after their millennium wedding when she discovered he'd been lying about his daughter's illness.

And she knows her romance with Steve is part of a tried-and-tested formula in soaps, aimed at ensuring the ratings soar.

She said: "You never know if it's going to run smoothly. But you do know that it is never, from beginning to end, going to be a wonderful day.

"There will be a fight or somebody sleeps with someone behind someone else's back. Or there's a big secret waiting to come out."

In this case, we only need to look at Melanie's night of passion with EastEnders hardman Phil Mitchell, bringing a turbulent end to a traumatic year which began with her farcical far·ci·cal  
adj.
1. Of or relating to farce.

2.
a. Resembling a farce; ludicrous.

b. Ridiculously clumsy; absurd.



far
 marriage to Ian.

Melanie hopes this time around she will be allowed to be happy with Steve for a while.

Tamzin said: "But they won't stay happy for too long. There has to be some drama and there will be as long as there are other men around giving her attention."

One-time Spandau Ballet heart-throb Martin Kemp Martin Kemp may refer to:
  • Martin Kemp (actor), the British musician and actor
  • Martin Kemp (art historian), Professor of the History of Art in the University of Oxford
 plays the unsuspecting groom Steve, whose illusions about his blushing wife-to-be are about to shattered. And when Phil's bullet-ridden body is left lying on the Square, Steve emerges as the No.1 suspect.

Martin says: "Melanie's been his great love all the time he has been in Albert Square and I think it's only because of her that he's stayed in Walford for so long."

Of course, EastEnders isn't the only soap to put its newly-weds through hell. Of 51 Coronation Street Coronation Street is an award-winning British soap opera. It is the longest-running television soap opera in the United Kingdom, first broadcast on Friday, 9 December, 1960 in the Granada region of ITV.  weddings, 17 have ended in divorce, 16 in death, one in bigamy bigamy (bĭ`gəmē), crime of marrying during the continuance of a lawful marriage. Bigamy is not committed if a prior marriage has been terminated by a divorce or a decree of nullity of marriage.  with nine brides and grooms fleeing at the altar.

Corrie's dithering Simulating more colors and shades in a palette. In a monochrome system that displays or prints only black and white, shades of grays can be simulated by creating varying patterns of black dots. This is how halftones are created in a monochrome printer.  shop assistant Mavis Riley married salesman suitor SUITOR. One who is a party to a suit or action in court. One who is a party to an action. In its ancient sense, suitor meant one Who was bound to attend the county court, also, one who formed part of the secta. (q.v.)  Derek Wilton, in 1988 - four years after neither turned up at the church for their first date in front of the altar. Mavis realised she was only going ahead with the original wedding because she felt sorry for Derek. She was furious when she discovered he'd jilted jilt  
tr.v. jilt·ed, jilt·ing, jilts
To deceive or drop (a lover) suddenly or callously.

n.
One who discards a lover.
 her, too.

The pair eventually married after Derek proposed through Mavis' letterbox The effect of displaying a wide screen movie on a standard TV set the way it was originally shot in full panoramic format. On the TV, the image frame spans the full width of the screen, but because of the difference in aspect ratios of the two formats (wide screen movie vs. .

Businessman and womaniser Noun 1. womaniser - a man who likes many women and has short sexual relationships with them
philanderer, womanizer

Casanova - any man noted for his amorous adventures
 Mike Baldwin has always managed to inflict pain and anguish on his other halves. His first marriage to Susan Barlow in 1986 incensed the bride's father - arch-enemy Ken Barlow, who tried in vain to get Susan to change her mind. In 1992, Mike married Alma Sedgwick, a former girlfriend of Ken's.

Mike then married factory worker Linda Sykes last summer - hours before his son Mark's wedding reception confession that he had been sleeping with Linda for months.

Serial brides and grooms include Mike, Ken, Rita Sullivan and Deirdre Barlow, with 13 marriages between them.

The only ones to benefit from the disastrous love lives of soap couples are the producers and scriptwriters ready to help their characters pick up the pieces.

Mal Young, the BBC's controller of drama, says: "Has there ever been a successful marriage in any long-running show in which the couple live happily ever after? It just wouldn't be dramatic. I love characters who have a load of emotional baggage."

The last thing on Mal's mind is whether Steve and Melanie are compatible.

He says: "He's a murderer and she was married to Ian Beale. I mean, what's going on What's Going On is a record by American soul singer Marvin Gaye. Released on May 21, 1971 (see 1971 in music), What's Going On reflected the beginning of a new trend in soul music.  in her mind?"

THE ONES THAT GOT AWAY

TIFFANY & GRANT: 2 YEARS

The Queen Vic's landlord and his head barmaid had a surprise wedding in 1996, but Grant didn't love Tiffany the way he loved Sharon. In the end, Grant's fling with Tiff's mum sealed their fate. Well, that and Tiff being mowed down by Grant's stepdad Frank on Hogmanay 1998.

SHARON & GRANT: 31/2 YEARS

Back when Grant had a lot more hair, he married Sharon, who had fantastic role models in marital bliss with parents Den and Angie - not. They married on Boxing Day 1991. But it all went pear-shaped when she had an affair with Grant's brother Phil. They divorced in 1995.

SUSAN & MIKE: 4 YEARS

Ken Barlow was furious when he heard his daughter was dating arch-rival Mike Baldwin. After all, Mike had bedded Ken's wife Deirdre not long before. But wedding bells chimed in 1986 for Mike and Susan, though their marriage didn't last long. They divorced in 1990.

CINDY & IAN: 81/2 YEARS

What a love tangle this was. Cindy was expecting Simon Wicks' baby when she married his step-brother Ian in 1989. They were reconciled, then she cheated again with his other step-brother David. Finally, she hired a hitman to kill Ian - well, who wouldn't? They divorced in 1998.

KIM & FRANK: 9 YEARS

And you thought farming folk were quiet living.Kim loved tycoon Frank - but not as much as she loved his bank balance. Her wedding vows in 1986 meant nothing. She bedded stablelad Dave Glover and had his baby. They split in 1993, but remarried in 1994. Poor deluded Frank died in 1997.

DEIRDRE & KEN: 10 YEARS

Married in 1981, both had affairs before divorcing in 1992. But they're still together, Ken even proposing again last week, the idiot.

ANGIE & DEN: 16 YEARS

The epitome of a doomed soap marriage, EastEnders' Den and Angie had been childhood sweethearts, but their marriage had gone sour long before he started playing around.

Angie faked a terminal illness and attempted suicide in an effort to keep him while Den had affairs right, left and centre. On Christmas Day 1986, Den saved Angie's Christmas present until last.

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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Feb 27, 2001
Words:1104
Previous Article:PICK OF THE BOX; Let's hear it for the best of Brits.
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