SEX TIPS for STRAIGHT MEN from a GAY woman; Mention lesbians to any bloke and he'll be fantasising about girl-on-girl action before you know it. But when it comes to sexually satisfying a woman, lesbians and straight men have a lot in common. In Part Two of our Sex Tips guide, a gay woman tells men how to become the perfect lover. By ANDREA HENRY.
DOs AND DON'TS
WHEN talking about a woman's body, or any insecurities she may have about it, you must be extremely careful about the words you use.
When she asks you if she looks fat she wants an honest, yet flattering answer. Don't ever say: "I like you just the way you are."
Regardless of how your partner actually looks, your "compliment" will be interpreted that you're lowering your standards to accommodate her imperfect body.
There are other faux-pas responses, but the worst has to be: "Well, honey, there's just more of you to love."
If it seems like a no-win situation, you can turn it around by saying: "You are beautiful" and then proceed to gently touch all the areas she is self-conscious about. The more compliments you give her, the more attractive, confident and sexually desirable she will feel and therefore be.
Women feel the same pressure about breast size that men feel about penis size. While many men might love a busty woman, most naturally well-endowed females are self-conscious about the size of their breasts.
They may have been teased when they were young. For this reason, it isn't a good idea to say: "Wow, you are stacked. I never realised your tits were so big."
Women with small breasts probably got teased too. But many men prefer small, perky breasts to large ones. But don't call them "small", just call them "beautiful".
Do share the responsibility for birth control with your partner. This may mean buying the condoms and sharing any costs. Or it could mean going with her to the gynaecologist if she wants you to.
Don't complain about using a condom and never pressure her to go on the pill. Take a genuine interest and discuss the subject with her. And if your lover does fall pregnant unexpectedly, don't run away. Take on some of those lesbian communication skills and discuss it with her.
It's up to each individual to decide whether to engage in sex while drunk or high, but at least be honest with yourself about the possible effects. Let's just say that drug and alcohol use isn't going to make you a Casanova.
IT'S GOOD TO TALK
LESSON number one. Sex is not just about your penis.
Women - who tend to be better at communicating - already know this. And, of course, lesbian couples know it best. Talking is not easy for most people, but it's the best way to find out what your partner likes.
If you start a relationship with open and sensitive communication, the chances are you will continue with the good habits throughout. By talking to your partner about how to please her sexually, not only are you becoming a better lover by the minute, but you are also showing her you care are about her pleasure - and that is what most women want.
If you're one of those people who think talking about sex ruins the mood or destroys the moment, throw those ideas out the window. Talking about sex before you even get naked with someone can be the best foreplay.
THE ELUSIVE G-SPOT
MOST men hate to admit they don't know something, especially when it comes to sex. If you want to be able to truly please a woman in bed, you have got to know the functions of the parts you're dealing with.
Gay women have a distinct advantage in this area because they've got the parts too.
You may know the rudiments of anatomy, but with each new lover you have to find your way as if it were your first time.
The G-spot is a well-known point of confusion for straight men. It's not a buried treasure somewhere deep in the nooks and crannies of the vagina. You shouldn't have to send out a search party to find it.
Most women's G-spots are on the front wall of the vagina, an inch or two inside.
If you put your index finger just inside the vagina and pull it toward you with a come-here motion, you should feel her G-spot. It actually feels different from the rest of the vaginal wall. Usually it is raised up a bit and feels sort of spongy. Its size, like everything else, varies from woman to woman.
TOO many men never use their hands to really explore their partners' bodies. They kiss and then go right for her pants, perhaps with a short detour at her breasts.
If you have participated in this kind of unbecoming behaviour, leave it in the past. Spend time touching her, stroking her, massaging her, loving her entire body. A man with good hands is a rare jewel - she won't want to lose you and she certainly won't forget you.
AFTER the initial burst of charm, most men concentrate on the rush to penetration. This will not put you in the Great Lovers' Hall of Fame.
Master the fine art of teasing. Remember it's not just foreplay, it's all play. Work on your communication skills and - yikes! - surrender to the idea of emotional involvement. It goes without saying that bad breath is a total turn-off.
LIKE a lesbian lover, your sense of style when undressing the breasts sets the stage for everything else. Grabbing them out the bra cups won't impress her at all.
This may sound silly, but a lot of women carefully pick out their underwear to arouse you, and it is disheartening if you simply rip through them.
And just because a woman isn't wearing a bra doesn't mean you should go right for her breasts. Teasingly stroke them through her clothing, then slowly work your way underneath, touching all around them while moving in closer and closer.
Remember, too, that everyone is different. Some women like it when their breasts are touched lightly and cringe when they are squeezed. Others like to have their breasts kneaded and firmly squeezed.
A squeal is hard to interpret. Is it pleasure or pain? If you're not sure, just ask. Until you find out what she likes, go slow. Read her body, follow the clues.
Hard, erect nipples do not necessarily mean she is horny. She may be cold or nervous. It's also important to understand that the nipples and breasts enlarge in the days prior to a woman's period. Your partner's breasts will desire different things at different times of her cycle.
THE LOWDOWN ON GOING DOWN
JUST as you men love a woman who enjoys going down on you, women love men who enjoy doing down on them. But when it comes to cunnilingus, most women admit that most men suck.
Some men simply don't enjoy it. Remember - many great things in life are acquired tastes.
When you go down on a woman it's about a whole lot more than an orgasm. You must give a woman the attention she needs and deserves.
Many people say oral sex is more intimate than intercourse. This type of attention is important for women because most don't reach orgasm through intercourse as easily as men.
Since a woman's centre of pleasure is her clitoris, oral sex is a surefire way for her to reach orgasm.
But for a great cunnilingus session, you've got to be prepared to go the distance. Don't think you're going to be down there for a few minutes and she'll explode in a mind-blowing orgasm. Don't stop until she wants you to.
MEN have endless questions when it comes to women's orgasms. And so do women.
Many women think something is wrong if they aren't having orgasms through penetration and want to learn how to have vaginal orgasms.
But the vagina doesn't have enough nerve endings for orgasms to occur without some clitoral action. So, guys, stop trying so hard to get your partner to come solely through intercourse. When they don't, you're going to think you're doing something wrong. Or that your partner must be frigid. The clitoral glans is analogous to the penile glans. Can you imagine having sex and never having your penis touched except by accident? It's up to you to make sure your partner's clitoris sees some action. Work with each other to ensure both your needs are met.
Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men by Jamie Goddard and Kurt Brungardt is published by Virgin Books, price pounds 6.99. To buy a copy call Mirror Direct on 0870 0703200.
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|Title Annotation:||M Health|
|Publication:||The Mirror (London, England)|
|Date:||Sep 4, 2003|
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