SEX ON DEMAND KILLS ROMANCE, TRUST.

Byline: ANN LANDERS 

Dear Ann Landers: That wife in River City made me envious. She said her sex life was drudgery because her husband demanded sex at least three times a week regardless of whether or not she felt like it.

Some women don't know when they are well off. Please let Mrs. Drudgery know that I would gladly give her my husband and then she wouldn't have to worry about having sex at all. He hasn't touched me in five years.

Ann, you seem to get a lot of letters from married women who consider sex a bore, a nuisance or a duty. Aren't there any married couples out there who enjoy sex with each other and aren't looking for someone more exciting? It seems you print letters only from women who don't get enough or those who get too much. When I sign my letter, you'll know where I stand in the lineup.

- Too Well-Rested and Would Love to Be Exhausted

Dear T.W.R.: The reason I print so many letters from women who don't get enough or get too much is because the ones who are content don't write to me.

This column is a place for people to air their complaints and express their frustrations, just as you did. Keep reading for more on this subject:

Dear Ann Landers: You missed it with "Resigned in River City," the woman whose husband feels he has a right to sex on demand. It's no wonder the poor woman is dead sexually. Buried anger turns into resentment and has a way of killing romance.

You suggested that she tell her husband what would please her sexually. Any competent therapist would tell him he needs to see her as a person and not simply an object of his gratification. The man is selfish and needs to be made aware of it before there can be any improvement in their sexual relationship. No wife should have to call herself "Resigned." That's a form of spousal abuse.

- Denver

Dear Denver: I agree. However, I found it interesting that the responses were overwhelmingly from women. Very few men wrote. Here's more:

From Santa Barbara: I must respond to your correspondent whose husband gave her "the treatment" if she didn't have sex with him as often as he wanted.

My husband is a master of "the treatment." If he doesn't get sex on demand, his aloofness and foul mood extends not just to me but to the children as well. Over the years, my resentment has grown. Sex out of duty or guilt is no fun.

When a woman feels she must perform or be punished, she'll resent it no matter how good the sex is. Her husband had better cut out the adolescent behavior, and the sooner the better.

Lewisburg, Pa.: In your rush to defend women's sexual rights, you missed the obvious. The wife described a husband who punished her with silence, sulking and sarcasm if he didn't get sex three times a week. She didn't question his infantile behavior or his need to control their sex life and probably every other aspect of their lives. She responds by being dead sexually. These are two furiously angry people who aren't communicating their real needs.

Your advice to get a sex therapist was right on.

Dear Lewisburg: I would bet that females withhold sex as punishment more often than males. That couple needs more help than I can give them. I hope they get it.

Gem of the day: Happy St. Patrick's Day. May your luck be like the capital of Ireland - always "Dublin."