SEX, GORE AND A FEW KILLER LAUGHS.

Byline: Bob Strauss Film Critic

IN ``UNSCARY Movie 3: Freddy vs. Jason,'' the Wayans brothers make a fairly amusing burlesque of those dog-stupid '80s horror franchises ``Nightmare on Elm Street'' and ``Friday the 13th'' ...

... What's that you say? This isn't part of a parody series? It's just supposed to be a straight-up sequel, ``Freddy vs. Jason,'' to two of the most unnecessary film cycles in inhuman history? No Wayanses were harmed, or even involved, in its production?

Hard to believe that's true, after all the ``Scream'' and ``Scary Movie'' lampoons that have driven stakes through the heart of this dubious subgenre in recent years. Even the most sheltered, socially inept fanboys can't mistake this sexist, bloodthirstily puritanical/mechanical nonsense for chilling entertainment anymore, can they?

Besides, lots of ``Freddy vs. Jason'' is pretty funny. The obvious dialogue, declamatory acting, dumb behavior, threshold-breaking advances in spurting blood and beer, damp-rot surrealism, gratuitous sex and its instant, pre-Freudian punishment - I mean, at least some of that must have been intended to get laughs, right?

After all, the director, Ronny Yu, made some Hong Kong movies, most notably the ``Bride With White Hair'' supernatural thrillers, that proved he knew what he was doing. Since he started making films in English, Yu has helmed ``Warriors of Virtue,'' ``Bride of Chucky'' and ``The 51st State'' ... hmm. OK, maybe you are right.

Still, why would anyone consider the following scenario anything other than satirical? ``Nightmare'' pervert Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund, as always) is all upset down in hell because none of the children on Elm Street are afraid of him anymore, so he can't invade their dreams and kill them. To remedy this, he figures out a way to send fellow netherworld dweller Jason Voorhees (Canadian stuntman Ken Kirzinger) to the land of the living, where in classic ``13th'' tradition he stomps around unstoppably in hockey mask, taking machete to as many teenagers having fun as he can find.

The idea is that Jason's rampage will scare the locals back into fearing Freddy (see, made to be laughed at). But Jason, as always, gets too enthusiastic, forcing Freddy to take him on mano-a-razor-fingered-mano before the crop of nubile and nerdish youth - represented by, among indistinguishable others, ``Dawson's Creek's'' Monica Keena, Destiny's Child's Kelly Rowland and Tex/``Three's Company'' descendant Jason Ritter - is chopped into useless nothingness.

Of course, since neither Freddy nor Jason can ever really be killed, that means the whole last half of the movie is utterly pointless. Or, at least, more pointless than the first half of the movie. But maybe no less pointless than any other ``Elm Street'' or ``Friday'' entry.

OK, that settles it. Wayanses or not, ``Freddy vs. Jason'' is still one big joke.

Bob Strauss, [phone]

bob.strauss(at)dailynews.com

FREDDY VS. JASON - two stars

(R: violence, nudity, sex, language, drug use)

Starring: Robert Englund, Ken Kirzinger, Monica Keena, Jason Ritter, Kelly Rowland.

Director: Ronny Yu.

Running time: 1 hr. 37 min.

Playing: Wide release.

In a nutshell: The two burned-out icons of idiot slasher movie franchises get together, kill some kids, fight each other and waste your time. A number of good laughs, though, some possibly intentional.

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``Freddy vs. Jason'' provides humor, some of which may have been intended. Otherwise, the slasher-wannabe is pointless.