SENIOR CARE TAKING ITS TOLL BOOMERS FIND HELPING AGING PARENTS FORCES LIFESTYLE CHANGES.

Byline: Lisa Mascaro Staff Writer

No sooner had Majella Chaney's only son grown up than her aging mother needed her attention.

It started with little oddities - her mother, now 87, would get up in the middle of the night and turn over everything in the bathroom. Household utensils would disappear, only to be found later in a drawer.

``It's almost like having a second small child,'' said Chaney of Canyon Country, whose mother suffers from Alzheimer's disease. ``But with small children, you have the idea they'll grow up and be OK.''

Caring for victims of Alzheimer's, stroke or other health problems is fast becoming a priority among adults, forcing them to juggle their own families and careers with the care of older loved ones. A recent study found that one in four households nationwide has a caregiver tending to an older adult.

But taking care of mom, dad or an aging spouse can cause another kind of suffering - a 63 percent higher mortality rate was found among elderly caregiving spouses who experience mental or emotional strain, according to another study.

``We do know that caregivers of people with Alzheimer's and other related dementia seem to be more distressed,'' said Dolores Gallagher- Thompson, of Stanford Medical School and the Veterans Administration in Palo Alto, who is leading a new study on caregivers.

As part of its study, Stanford is providing caregivers stress relievers - such as meditation or visualization therapy - to see which ones might help.

``It's nice to be wanted,'' said a 60-year-old Woodland Hills grandmother attending a recent caregivers conference at Warner Center about caring for her husband, who suffers from dementia. ``But it wears you out.''

In a first-ots-kind nationwide survey conducted in spring 2001, the AARP found that 44 percent of adults age 45-55 live with dependent children, as well as aging parents.

Of those, 24 percent are helping to care for older adults - and 17 percent have cut back on work to do so.

Caregivers are generally women - 76 percent according to a survey in California by the Family Caregivers Alliance. While the average age is 60, more than one in five are 75 or older.

Researchers also have found that women caring for those with memory loss have a higher level of the stress hormone cortisol - which can put them at risk for heart disease, hypertension and other problems - than non-caregivers.

To cope, 62 percent said they turn to faith and prayer, the AARP study said.

``I think this is an issue that touches all of our lives one way or another,'' said Bonnie Lawrence, a spokeswoman for the FCA in San Francisco.

``There is this huge baby boom that is faced with how to take care of their parents, or ensure their parents are cared for,'' she said. ``The stresses are emotional, financial, physical. It's something that really you should give some thought to, because being prepared for care - your own or your parents' - helps.''

San Fernando Valley resident Paula Hawthorne loves having her mother in the house, even if it means getting up a little earlier before work, or staying up late after she's helped her 11-year-old son with homework.

``Fortunately for me, I'm not a person who requires a lot of sleep,'' said Hawthorne, 54, an auditor at Blue Cross in Woodland Hills and mother of four adult children, in addition to a young son still at home.

Her mother, Dolores Kinard, moved from Brooklyn a few years ago, but a stroke dashed plans to find her a senior apartment in the Valley.

Kinard has regained much of her mobility and has become an integral part of the family - Hawthorne calls her mother and 11-year-old son fast friends who hole up in Nana's bedroom, poring over family history.

Work can be stressful, she said, and she worries she doesn't spend much time with her husband - they recently had their first dinner out in a while.

``All in all, you may not have a bad day, you have bad moments. There's no time for complaining,'' she said.

Putting her mother in an assisted-living facility wasn't an option - or a desire - in a family where respect goes to the matriarch, Hawthorne said.

``In one way we view ourselves as being very blessed,'' she said. ``I kind of let Nana call the shots.''

Nursing homes cost $4,654 a month on average nationwide, according to AARP, while assisted-living facilities cost $2,000 to $2,500 monthly.

Contrary to most beliefs, private insurance and Medicare pays virtually none of those costs, experts said.

As a result, caring for loved ones at home is the sole option.

Still, Gallagher-Thompson, the Stanford researcher, said caregiving isn't all gloom.

``If the relationship was solid, the family member may be stressed - because how could you not be - but they may not be resentful,'' she said. ``They see it as a way of giving back.''

Chaney and her mother, Clara Alcorn, have always been together, from her childhood after her father died to adulthood when she wouldn't think of having mom living anywhere but at home.

But the Alzheimer's brought a stress she didn't at first recognize after caring day and night for someone who can wander away in the blink of an eye.

Each morning, Chaney gets her mom up and dressed, reminding her how the arms go through the sleeves, how the zippers work. She drops her off at adult day care for a few precious hours.

Clara has wandered from home twice, returned by those who found her. Now, the doors have latches just out of her reach.

But Chaney can't complain, she said.

Her mother, whom she describes as having been a brilliant woman, with master's degrees in English and social work, has the sweet disposition of a child.

``The things were centered around him, now they're centered around her,'' she said about her son, now 20, who goes to school and lives at home.

``She's like a very pleasant, well-behaved small child,'' she said. ``My mom is a nice stranger. My mom is long gone.''

RESOURCES FOR CAREGIVERS

--The nonprofit Family Caregiver Alliance offers a range of services, including information on support groups, government policies and other resources for families. On the Web at www.caregiver.org

--Modeled after the Family Caregivers Alliance are resource centers statewide which provide family consultations, support groups, legal experts, vouchers for respite care and other services. In Los Angeles County, call the Los Angeles Caregiver Resource Center at [phone]. In Ventura County, call the Coast Caregiver Resource Center at [phone].

--The Los Angeles City Department of Aging's Information and Referral line offers various services. Call [phone].

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Majella Chaney, who leaves her mother, Clara Alcorn, at the Santa Clarita Adult Day Health Care Center, for a few hours each day, said Alzheimer's disease has left her mother ``like a very pleasant, well-behaved small child.''

Hans Gutknecht/Staff Photographer

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RESOURCES FOR CAREGIVERS (see text)