SEMINAR STRESSES DISCIPLINE WITH LOVE.

Byline: Krystn Shrieve Staff Writer

Bryan Richardson of Ventura has been taking parenting classes since before he was a parent and said he has learned the importance of disciplining his children in the context of love.

Shaping children's lives through discipline and love was one of the main topics of a two-day parenting seminar that ended Saturday at Grace Brethren Church in Simi Valley.

Other topics included how to develop good character in young children, how to help teen-agers grow into good adults and understanding the reasons behind children's behavior.

``Children need to understand that when we discipline them it's not to vent anger or to punish them but to correct their behavior,'' said Richardson, whose daughters are 4 years old and 20 months old. ``Then we need to talk about what would have been appropriate behavior and assure them that we love them.''

Richardson was one of more than 375 parents from throughout Ventura and Los Angeles counties who learned that in order to change a child's behavior, you must deal with the feelings behind the behavior.

``You can manipulate your child, get them to change their behavior or get them to jump through your hoops,'' said speaker Tedd Tripp, pastor of Grace Fellowship Church in Hazelton, Pa. ``But it will never be a lasting change unless you address the problems of the heart. If nothing changes inside their heart, then their behavior will never change.''

Tripp also talked about the controversial issue of spanking children.

He encouraged parents to explain to their children why they are being spanked, why the behavior was inappropriate and make sure they understand - before the disciplining takes place - that they are being reprimanded because of their behavior and not because of the parent's anger.

Afterward, he said, parents must talk and pray with their children to reaffirm their love.

``You tell the child that, I haven't spanked you because I don't like you or because I am angry,'' Tripp said. ``I did it because I love you.''

Jeanne McKelson of Tarzana brought her 3-month-old daughter to the seminar and said it's never too early for her to learn how to be a good mother.

``I was always one of those people who said I would never spank my child,'' McKelson said. ``But I had to become comfortable with it. Our culture says we shouldn't discipline children until they're older. But the efforts we make now while they are young will pay off.''

Pat Chavez, a Mission Hills resident, said her three boys, who range in age from 12 years old to 9 months old, have changed since five years ago when she adopted some of the rules of discipline taught at the seminar.

``My boys do obey, but they always end up saying, but Mom!'' Chavez said. ``Now they are learning not to question authority. I have been doing this for five years, and now they have a lot more respect for each other and for me. They fight less and share more.''

Lisa Herbert, a mother of three in Simi Valley, said respecting authority is important not only for her children but also for her.

``My kids need to obey me, but if I'm not obeying God, it won't work,'' Herbert said. ``I have to teach them why obeying me and obeying God will help them get so many blessings in life.''

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2 Photos

PHOTO (1 -- color in Simi edition only) One-year-old Josiah Coyle looks around while his mother Wendy examines some books at a two-day parenting seminar.

(2 -- ran in Conejo edition only) A woman walks out of the sanctuary to tend to her child, while pastor and author Tedd Tripp gives a speech on biblical issues of parenting.

Joe Binoya/Special to the Daily News