SEE THIS CRUISE AND YOU LOSE.

Byline: Bob Strauss Film Critic

SOME GAY FOLKS have called for a boycott of ``Boat Trip,'' the new Cuba Gooding Jr. comedy in which his character and his dopey best friend, played by ``Saturday Night Live's'' Horatio Sanz, take a Mediterranean cruise in order to meet chicks but end up on an all-male boat instead.

Other representatives of the gay community are saying, nah, they've been on these kinds of jaunts and they're pretty much as the film depicts. I don't believe this latter group. Real gay cruises have got to be a lot funnier than this.

Directed by Mort Nathan, a behind-the-scenes veteran of TV sitcoms such as ``Golden Girls'' and a writer of the Farrelly brothers' ``Kingpin,'' ``Boat Trip'' charts an awkward course between trying to be outrageous and sensitive, while at all times remaining stupidly sniggering. The point of the thing seems to be that homosexuality can be threatening to dumb straight guys, but dumb straight guys can learn that gay people are really OK.

Oh, and for all of you dumb straight guys who accidentally wander into the theater, don't panic. The filmmakers have thoughtfully managed to pack more voluptuous female flesh onto this boy boat than you'd likely find on the SS Hooters.

Gooding is Jerry, who's still morose six months after breaking up with his controlling and unfaithful girlfriend Felicia (Vivica A. Fox). Pal Nick (Sanz) gets the idea to take a singles cruise when he encounters an even less-attractive school acquaintance with a beautiful bimbo he met on one.

But mean travel agents book the guys on the wrong kind of boat, and the idiots don't comprehend their predicament until sail has been set. Among the new friends they reluctantly make are Roger Moore's aged British Sybarite and Hector (Maurice Godin), the helpful transvestite in the adjoining cabin.

More helpfully, though, a drunk Jerry is saved from drowning by the only woman on board, dance instructor Gabriella (Roselyn Sanchez). They quickly bond, but since she assumes he's Nick's lover, Jerry has to play gay in order to win the unlucky-in-love lass' trust. Nick, meanwhile, sees his own dream come true when the helicopter carrying the Swedish Tanning Team crashes nearby and the bikini-clad survivors are picked up. His efforts to connect with the statuesque Inga (Playmate of the Year Victoria Silvstedt) are frustrated by the girls' battle-ax, but surprisingly passionate, coach Sonya (regular Farrelly grotesque Lin Shaye).

Deceptions, misunderstandings, embarrassments and personal liberations ensue, all while no innuendo remains unspoken (nor spoken with any effective comic timing). Against all odds, Gooding registers a more restrained performance than we're used to from his various cavortings with sled dogs and rat racers. Sadly, we must report that he isn't very interesting sans the more frantic element. As for Sanz, he's just not ready for prime time yet.

And the troubled cruise ship industry is the truly injured party here. Whether you're gay or not, ``Boat Trip'' simply doesn't make a sea vacation look like very much fun.

BOAT TRIP - One and one half stars

(R: sex, nudity, language, drug use)

Starring: Cuba Gooding Jr., Horatio Sanz, Roselyn Sanchez, Vivica A. Fox.

Director: Mort Nathan.

Running time: 1 hr. 35 min.

Playing: In wide release.

In a nutshell: Cuba ought to stick to huskies.

CAPTION(S):

photo

Photo:

Cuba Gooding Jr. and Vivica A. Fox star in ``Boat Trip,'' a sex farce about two straight men stuck on a gay cruise.