SECRET WORLD LINGERIE FASHION SHOW A FLIGHT OF FANCY ON THE CATWALK.

Byline: David Kronke Television Critic

Here are a few of the items you will see models prancing about in during Tuesday night's Victoria's Secret Fashion Show on CBS (per the company's own descriptions):

``Chrome-plated metal waist cincher with bolt detail.'' ``Angels Secret Embrace push-up with Chantal Thomass playing card cushion applique.'' ``Hearts on Fire Diamond Fantasy Bra built on the Very Sexy Infinity Edge balconet.'' ``Hand-beaded mylar palette body suit with matching gauntlets.'' ``Grograin and tulle popcorn bustier with popcorn and Swarovski Crystal detail.'' ``Angel Air flotation shrug.''

Yeah, I don't know what most of that means, either, and I saw the stuff when they taped the show last month at the Kodak Theatre. Suffice it to say that the items the models were wearing were generally not large enough to fit their printed descriptions upon them.

And the ``flotation shrug''? That was a mini version of the flotation device under your seat on an airplane, which one wagers that few people have ever associated with erotic lingerie. Another model wore what appeared to be a silver child's inflatable wading pool around her head.

Ah, but that's the sort of thing you expect when dealing with cutting-edge fashion. The Victoria's Secret models -- all dubbed ``Angels'' -- strode up and down the catwalk bearing any number and myriad designs of giant flowing wings during the taping (one even took flight over the audience).

The day of the CBS taping was quite the circus. In the morning at the nearby Renaissance Hotel, a backstage hair-and-makeup photo-op found the models, in silk fuchsia robes, being gang-primped and plucked by beauty-industry professionals before mirrors that read VERY SEXY. Light bulbs spelled out VERY SEXY in words 15 feet high in one corner of the ballroom. (It was bested by the 50-foot-tall light bank in the theater reading SEXY. Tickets for the event featured the word SEXY on them more than 70 times.

And yet, I'm having a hard time coming up with a way to describe the event --)

Backstage, photographers and video camera operators jostled for position. Maria Menounos of ``Access Hollywood'' was trying, without much luck, to cajole one of the models into eating a cupcake. ``Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!'' Menounos barked.

The fashion show was attended, inevitably, by Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. Justin Timberlake opened the event, performing his single ``SexyBack'' as the models hit the catwalk.

Six different collections were presented, going by names of ``Come Fly With Me'' (for people really into flight attendants), ``Highland Romance'' (an odd Celtic-themed collection featuring lots of plaid), the winter-themed ``Glacial Goddess'' and the rhymingly titled ``Coquettish Fetish.''

There was a fairly creepy collection going by the moniker of ``Pink,'' in which the models appeared in outfits that made them look even younger than they already were; it's apparel appealing to those that ``Dateline NBC'' tracks down in its ``To Catch a Predator'' sequences.

To make amends, the show -- which barely lasted 40 minutes; it took longer to traverse the security gauntlet than it did to sit through the program -- ended with a choir warbling that ``we'll live in harmony'' before, of course, shaking itself of such idealism and returning to Timberlake's less-spiritual beseeching: ``Put your sexy on.''

David Kronke, [phone]

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VICTORIA'S SECRET FASHION SHOW

What: Supermodels cascade across the catwalk in underwear and giant wings.

Where: CBS (Channel 2).

When: 10 p.m. Tuesday.

CAPTION(S):

5 photos

Photo:

(1 -- 5 -- color) no caption (Victoria's Secret fashion show)

Photos by David Sprague/Staff Photographer