SCRATCH THIS RIDICULOUS CAT STORY OFF YOUR LIST.

Byline: Evan Henerson Theater Critic

'I FEEL SILLY,'' says daffily lovable cat therapist Matilda in the aftermath of a failed mediation session involving owner Shuman (played by Jeff Marlow), his house cat Samantha (Tessa Thompson) and randy alley cat Oscar (Louis Lotorto). The play is titled ``Indoor/Outdoor'' by Kenny Finkle. As you might have guessed, it's largely to do with cats and the people who love them.

That sentiment presumably comes from a character who believes she can talk to cats. It might as easily have sprung from the lips of actress Shana Wride who, playing Matilda, is saddled with the most grotesquely over-the-top antics in the Colony Theatre's production of ``Indoor/Outdoor.'' ``Silly?'' Who can blame you, sister? We share your emotional hairball.

``Indoor/Outdoor'' is unfunny, cutesy-poo treacle, as wrong-headed an effort as the usually reliable Colony can put on stage. Four better-than-average actors hurl themselves body, soul and silly costumes at this slop. What laughs are to be found, Thompson, Wride, Lotorto and Marlow do their damndest to unearth. Director Stefan Novinski - likely sensing Finkle invites no room for nuance - lets the action get as ham-fisted as fate will have it be. And, oh, that delightful '80s soundtrack that punctuates the messages.

Yes, messages. Finkle, as his program notes inform us, set out to write a play about his cats, and ended up with a play about ``my relationship with my partner and how challenging, thrilling and surprising that was to me.'' He goes on to say that he sees his characters, their emotional lives and the play itself ``in primary colors'' with ``very little subtext.'' I'd say there's not much deep thought about Samantha declaring that Shuman must love her unconditionally because he opened the door to let her outside. (Now that's funny!)

Amid the wreckage, we feel our most acute pity for Wride, a deft comic actress dealing with intensely idiotic lines and behavior. Thompson, as our narrator cat Samantha, adorably embodies all the overlapping traits shared by the feline and human kingdoms. She, like Wride, deserves a better play.

Speaking of which, back in the early 1990s, A.R. Gurney wrote a comedy called ``Sylvia,'' about a middle-age man who brings home a dog and promptly creates a rift between him and his wife. The dog is played by a frisky young girl. The play is a musing on midlife crises within relationships.

``Sylvia'' is not exactly big on subtext either. Compared to ``Indoor/Outdoor,'' however, the dog play is a veritable ``King Lear.''

Evan Henerson, [phone]

evan.henerson(at)dailynews.com

INDOOR/OUTDOOR - One star

Where: Colony Theatre, 555 N. Third St., Burbank.

When: 8 p.m. Friday and Saturday, 2 and 7 p.m. Sunday; through Sept. 18.

Tickets: $30 to $40. Call [phone].

In a nutshell: Return it to the animal shelter from which it sprung.