Relieving stress - Hawaiian style.

Can't move to Hawaii? Try these stress-reducing tips wherever you live.

You probably know someone like my friend Margie. She's up at 6:00 a.m. daily to get the kids off to She's while managing to get herself and her husband off to work by 7:30 a.m. This morning her daughter tells her she needs to bring 20 cupcakes to school today for a party. Margie tells her it's too late; she should have planned ahead. Her daughter leaves for school in tears.

On the drive to work Margie gets cut off in traffic twice and finally comes to a complete stop because of construction work. Sitting in her car, her mind is filled with thoughts of work, of the meeting that she'll probably miss, of the promotion she's wanting (if Ted Thompson, who's been too friendly with the boss lately, doesn't get it), of her daughter in tears, of her son's soccer game after school, and of the dinner party she planned for tonight to entertain her husband's new clients. By the time Margie arrives at work she's exhausted and has a splitting headache.

Stress--it's part of life and never seems to end. Every year you spend more time and money just trying to relax. Yet you return from vacation to your stress-filled life and begin to realize that short-term fixes don't work. What can be done to end this never-ending spiral of tension?

After living in Hawaii for several years, I discovered a wonderful secret that the Hawaiians have known forever. Even though Honolulu is one of the 10 most populated cities in the United States, Hawaiians, who also experience these same stress-inducing problems, have learned how to handle their stress. In fact, they have done it so well that their longevity rates are among the highest in the U.S. How have they managed to do this? By living "Hawaiian-style." It's a special way of living that just might help you live longer. The good news is that you don't have to move to Hawaii to adopt this style of living. Many of their lifestyle ideas can work for you right now--wherever you live.

Appreciate Nature

Since ancient times gardening has been a highly therapeutic way to dissolve tensions. Working the earth, planting seeds, and waiting for the miracle of life to appear satisfies in a way little else can. Hawaiians have long felt connected to their land through their lush tropical gardens. Orchids, plumeria, torch ginger, bird-of-paradise, and hibiscus thrive in the warm moist trade winds, and all are put to good use. The fragrant flower garland, the lei, is the traditional gift of friendship, love, and recognition. Not only are these beautiful leis given to visitors, but Hawaiians give them to each other in celebration of birthdays, graduations, anniversaries, weddings, promotions, and the many other occasions they have to show their love for each other.

Release Stored-up Stress

Researchers have found that massage raises the level of serotonin in the body. This is the brain's relaxation chemical. Hawaiians have practiced massage since ancient times to relieve stress resulting from worry or even just overeating. They know that all concerns and worries gravitate to the neck and back. By massaging the areas around the neck and spine they "push" those concerns away. Many health clubs offer massage as part of an overall fitness package. Be good to yourself. Invest in a massage and enjoy a mini vacation.

Air Feelings

Often it's the things that we don't say to one an other that cause stress. We hold in our feelings, and they begin to fester and cause health problems. One of the most important stress relievers in Hawaii is the custom of bo'o ponopono. It means to make things right. When problems occur between families or neighbors and nerves are on edge, this is the practice of coming together and airing feelings. The traditional bo'o ponopono begins with a prayer. The leader then states the problem, and each person has his or her say as they address the leader. There is a confession of wrongdoing, and arrangements are made for restitution. When it's completed, the people rise and hug each other. The bad feelings are gone, and life is good again.

Surround Yourself With Soothing Music

The music of Hawaii is slow and relaxing. Portuguese laborers introduced guitars; American missionaries taught harmony, and with these skills Hawaiian musicians created a new art form. Just listening, eyes closed, to Roland and Robert Cazimero or Peter Moon slows the heart rate and deepens the breathing. Whenever I feel stressed I tune the radio to a classical station, and magically all my frustrations seem to melt away.

Respect the Family Unit

The Hawaiian people love their families and often live together in large houses or special obana family compounds. Older members of the family are especially respected. This love and respect extends from the family unit to all the people of Hawaii. Children learn this respect at an early age and are taught to refer to adults as "Auntie" or "Uncle" whether they are related to them or not. Hawaiians feel the children of Hawaii belong to all of them, and in turn, the children enjoy the love and support of their extended families. They feel connected to others in the community and grow up feeling happy Ad secure. They also know that Auntie or Uncle may be watching them when their parents are not, and they behave accordingly.

Live by "Hawaiian Time"

Unfortunately, many of us have a way of becoming highly stressed about time. If we're late for an appointment with someone, we feet stress. If someone shows up late for an appointment with us, we take it as a personal insult and feel stress. Hawaiians have a wonderful way of not being stressed out about time. Instead of watching the clock or juggling a day planner and cell phone between appointments, they operate on "Hawaiian time." If they're a half hour late or an appointment--not to worry; they're still on time. The plumber who shows up tomorrow morning instead of this morning is still on time.

A sign at the local mailbox sums it up nicely: "Pick Up Times: When the Postman Comes." This concept is amusing to visitors and sometimes frustrating to new residents, but it eventually becomes a way of life. The Hawaiians have wisely realized that by not fighting time, they will eventually have more of it.

Celebrate Life

We now know that laughter is one of the best medicines we can give to ourselves. Hawaiians know this instinctively, and their happiness is infectious. They believe that life should be lived fully and celebrated often, so they celebrate the birthday of every Hawaiian monarch, all federal holidays, all state holidays--including Statehood Day--all religious holidays, Super Bowl Sunday, and even Fridays. Yes, every Friday is "Aloha Friday." Ladies wear comfortable muumuus, men don colorful Hawaiian shirts, and pau bana, the end of the workday, is just after lunch. Every weekend there are cultural festivals, kite-flying contests, sailboat races, outrigger canoe races, and much more. Gatherings like luaus aren't just obligatory social occasions for Hawaiians, they are a way of life--a connection with each other.

Stress doesn't have to overwhelm us. Learn from our Hawaiian neighbors to relax, have fun, and enjoy every moment of this life we've been given.

Pamela Weaver is a writer living, appropriately enough, in Carefree, Arizona.