Recovery in step with spirit of giving.

Byline: STRAIGHT STUFF By Jerry Gjesvold For The Register-Guard

During the holidays, much of our attention is devoted to choosing the things we'll give to others - while letting them know what we hope to get from them. There's real joy in being generous as well as receiving gifts from people who care.

At the same time, a smaller group of people will give a different kind of present this year. These are the individuals and families in recovery who will help others stay clean and sober.

By doing so, they'll make it through another holiday season without being devastated themselves by alcohol or other drugs.

From the earliest days of Alcoholics Anonymous, it's been clear that addicts and alcoholics don't get well without developing a habit of helping others do so.

In the process, they learn no matter how valuable their support is to others, they get as much or even more out of it. They're living proof of the phrase, "To keep it, you've got to give it away."

For people in recovery, this is true. But these people are actually living out a much broader lesson than just one recovering person or family helping another. They're living out a principle that's perfectly in step with the spirit of the holiday season.

While we all enjoy giving and receiving nice things, what we really want to experience, deep down, is serenity or peace.

We want faith that life makes sense, no matter how chaotic it may seem. We want to feel optimism and hope for our future, and to know that someone cares about us. And we definitely want to feel grateful for our blessings.

All of these have one thing in common. They're strengthened in us as we give them away.

Gandhi once said, "We must be the peace we want to see." He was right.

If we want serenity, we try to increase serenity in others. If we want more faith, we help others grow theirs. If we want hope, we can encourage hope in someone else.

And if we want to feel grateful, we can choose to celebrate the blessings in the lives of others.

There's one important caveat in all of this. We can develop a habit of giving all of these things away, and we will experience them more and more inside ourselves. But that doesn't mean that those to whom we try to give always will be able to receive the gift.

There are times we may be tempted to try to make others feel better. This may come out of our caring, our fears, our frustration, a "need to be needed" or a need to control.

Of course, it never works. In the same way we can't make an alcoholic or addict recover, we can't make anyone feel these things before they're ready.

All we can do is offer the gift. It's great if they can receive it, and it can be sad if they don't. But amazingly, we can benefit either way.

Unfortunately, many people will struggle with hopelessness, despair, alcoholism and addiction this holiday season.

But many others are out there willing and able to share recovery, hope and optimism. They will give it freely, because they have learned that they get so much more in return.

The opinions expressed in this column are those of the writer. As Serenity Lane's statewide coordinator of employer services, Jerry Gjesvold helps companies across Oregon create and manage their drug-free workplace policies and programs. More information is available on the Serenity Lane Web site at www.serenitylane.org.